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Friday, June 24, 2016

International Giggles

Visiting a Jewish Grandmother
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartments, I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301.  I will buzz you in.  Come inside and the elevator is on the right.  Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor.  When you get out, I'm on the left.  With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?"

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?

"What!?…You're coming empty handed?"
 


Wise Italian Grandfather
An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying.  He calls his grandson to his bedside,"Guido, I wan' you lissina me.  I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos."

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe fina you wife inna bed with another man."Whatta you gonna do then?  Pointa to you watch and say, 'Times up!' "?
 


Irish blonde...
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemeda little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."  With that,she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled,"Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!"

She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered,"I don't know…I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.





Global Facts About Sex

At any given moment:
FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now.
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 old person is reading this post. 

You hang in there, Sunshine!  Winking smile

12 comments:

  1. All men are men!! hahahahahaha! So very true!

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    Replies
    1. That is a good one isn't it, Eva. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete
  2. Dragon isn't home yet! I better not be doing the other three things! Good grief

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    Replies
    1. LOL Rose...good point! ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete
  3. LOL at the casino joke! hilarious!

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    Replies
    1. Smart gal wasn't she, Fondles. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete
  4. LoL, love them all, but my favourite is the one about the Irish blonde. :) Thanks for good laugh, Cat. Wishing you a happy weekend.

    hugs

    Nina

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    Replies
    1. She was one sneaky cookie wasn't she, Nina. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete
  5. Loved them all Cat.
    Have a good weekend.
    Hugs Lindy

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    Replies
    1. Happy you enjoyed them, Lindy. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete
  6. I love them all, Cat, especially the last one. So true.😪😪

    appy

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    Replies
    1. Happy you enjoyed them, Appy. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete

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