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Monday, January 22, 2018
A man was in his yard mowing the grass when his blonde neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is!” My stupid new computer keeps saying, “You’ve Got Mail.”
Sunday, January 21, 2018
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.”
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
“Gee, Mom,” he exclaimed. “For me?”
“Just take two,” Brenda replied.
“The rest are for your father.”
Saturday, January 20, 2018
Friday, January 19, 2018
Thursday, January 18, 2018
A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.
The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair, under the table and under the table cloth but the man stared straight ahead.
The waitress watched as the woman slid all the way down her chair and totally out of sight under the tablecloth.
Still, the man stared straight ahead.
The waitress, thinking this behavior a bit risqué and worried that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the man: "Pardon me sir, but I think your wife just slid under the table."
The man calmly looked up at her and said, "No, unfortunately she just walked in."
Wednesday, January 17, 2018
Tuesday, January 16, 2018
'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'
Monday, January 15, 2018
Sunday, January 14, 2018
“What are you doing? Why is their a baby mouse up your sleeve and where did you find him? Please stop feeding him your pop tart.” ~Leslie H.
“Why did you glue your sandwich to your desk?” ~Wendy B
“This is not a beauty parlor. Quit playing with each other’s hair.” ~Suzette S.
“Unless there is someone teaching you how to read under that table, you need to come out and join us on the carpet.” ~Traci T.
“Stop licking your desk.” ~Elizabeth A.
“Stop kissing the elevator button and fire alarm.” ~Marci J.
“Please don’t staple the tape!” ~Amy M.
“Why are you rubbing a glue stick on your shoes?” ~Allison F.
“Whose hair is this?” ~Araceliy S.