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Friday, October 21, 2016
Thursday, October 20, 2016
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
Mr. Jacobs, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Arnold, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."
Miss Arnold gasped, then said coldly, "Mr. Jacobs, I don't think that is an appropriate question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this!"
With that she sat down red-faced.
Unperturbed, Mr. Jacobs called on Miss Jones, another student, and asked the same question. Miss Jones, with composure, replied: "That would be the pupil of the eye, under conditions of dim light."
"Correct," said Mr. Jacobs.
"And now, Miss Arnold, I have three things to say to you:
One, you have not studied your lesson.
Two, you have a dirty mind.
And three,…you will someday be faced with a dreadful disappointment."
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
Here are a few fun examples…
- Who on earth dreams these up?
- Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
- How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
- England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
- I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
- They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a typ-o.
- I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
- Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
- When chemists die, they barium.
- Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
- I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
- Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
- When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
- Broken pencils are pointless.
- What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
- I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
- I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
- Velcro - what a rip off!
- Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last.
Are you a Lexophile?
Monday, October 17, 2016
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.'
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
'We missed the R! We missed the R! We missed the R!!!'
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'
With a choking and tear filled voice, the Abbot screams: "The word was... the word was... CELEBRATE!!!"
Sunday, October 16, 2016
Saturday, October 15, 2016
Friday, October 14, 2016
We have to share this world with billions of other people and not all of them are going to achieve the same status as others. That is especially true when it comes to status updates, and you will be amazed with what some people are posting to twitter, Facebook and to their friends via text message.
When you see the following 15 status updates, you may just be concerned about the future of mankind. Some of them are a problem with spellcheck but others are just a problem with a lack of knowledge. Not only are they going to make you laugh, they will make you feel a lot smarter as well.
1. Seems perfectly logical
2. Maybe you should talk to Barry
3. Okay then
4. A mathematical genius
5. Do you even remember the 90s?
6. What are they?
7. Time to surrender your license
8. Doesn’t sound appetizing
9. RIP to your hair
10. They might judge your spelling
11. You should call tech support
12. Uh, yeah
13. Don’t forget your map
14. What an amazing resemblance