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Saturday, January 21, 2017
Friday, January 20, 2017
And while these tactics might seem wrong, they are all technically right.
Below are some of the best loopholes and problem-solving kid-logic has to offer.
Making you crack-up may not have been these kids’ intentions, but that’s all you’ll be able to do when you see these.
The kid who was just trying to be prepared.
Well, I think we would all hate to be on this kid’s bad side!
The kid who breaks all of the fashion rules.
He was told to wear a tie, but no one told him how to wear it!
The kid who is just too good to be a rebel.
So, if you could just work around her schedule to say good-bye forever, that’d be great.
The kid who has marriage all figured out.
It seems like a pretty fool-proof logic!
The kid who is very critical of their mom’s behavior.
Looks like this isn’t mommy’s little secret anymore.
The kid who just can’t wait to eat his pizza.
He does not want any delay to the start of his pizza party.
The kid who gives the best advice.
This kid seriously needs to go back in time and have a chat with President Lincoln.
The kid who has mastered Costco.
He will take one soda and about five straws. Just come back for him when your shopping is done.
The kid who is very literal.
But they are also very right. After all, it was math that got them the answer.
The kid who is the master of disguise.
People have always told him he looks like his mother.
The kid who will not stand for false accusations.
Don’t they know that whoever smelt it, dealt it?
The kid whose parents listen to way too much country music.
Or they party a lot. Either way, this answer was right.
The kid who knows the intricacies of the Declaration of Independence.
I mean, it obviously wasn’t at the top. That wouldn’t make sense!
The kid who really points out the obvious.
Sometimes the right answers are the most obvious!
The kid who has the best wish ever.
Can someone please get this kid a magic lamp ASAP?!
The kid who is a marketing genius.
They know the value of a good product, and you better believe they’re charging for it.
The kid everyone should take dating advice from.
This kid must have a really big family.
The kid who appreciates a good play on words.
This is the perfect comeback for anyone who is caught littering!
The kid who won’t put up with the Tooth Fairy’s nonsense.
She makes a good point. It has been well over a week and she needs the money.
The kid that knows how to get what he wants.
Because who can resist pizza?
The kid who is self-aware.
He knows what he is and he embraces it!
The kid who has a bit of an ego.
Well, I guess that would be one thing that would make them special.
The kid who just wants to get things over with.
He would have written more, but he was REALLY hungry.
The kid whose logic is just too good.
Show them evidence of ghosts and they’ll solve your math problems.
The kid who was told to name the shapes.
Is Tedison a family name?
Thursday, January 19, 2017
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
I discovered how great it is to be 90!
I went to the drug store and told told clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”
I said "Nah….She's purty good lookin'…"
When you’re 90…who cares?
I was talking to a young woman in the bar last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”
I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”
Cost me 6 stitches, but…
When you’re 90…who cares?
I was telling a woman in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then…try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
Cost me a fat lip, but…
When you’re 90…who cares?
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you’re 90…who cares?
I went to the bar last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me 6 more stitches, but…
When you’re 90…who cares???
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
1. Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
3. Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.
5. Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
6. Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.
7. Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
8. Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!
9. Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
10. Law of the Theaters & Sports Arenas
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last.. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
11. The Coffee Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
12. Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
13. Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
14. Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.
15. Law of Physical Appearance
If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
16. Law of Public Speaking
A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!
17. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!
18. Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
19. Law of Parking
No matter how far away you park your car from your destination, and away from other cars and in an open parking lot, you will find a large 150 ton pickup truck parked next to you when you return.
Monday, January 16, 2017
- 4 Laughing eyes
- 4 Well-shaped legs
- 4 Loving arms
- 2 Firm milk containers
- 2 Nuts
- 1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
- 1 Firm banana
- Look into laughing eyes.
- Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
- Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
- Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results, continue to knead milk containers
- As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
- The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana doesn't soften, repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.
- If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use.
- Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
- If cake rises, leave town. ASAP
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Friday, January 13, 2017
There are only ten times in history where the"F" word has been considered acceptable for use.
They are as follows:
10. "What the @#$% do you mean, we are sinking?"
-- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912
9. "What the @#$% was that?"
-- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
8. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"
-- Custer, 1877
7. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."
-- Einstein, 1938
6. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!"
-- Picasso, 1926
5. "How the @#$% did you work that out?"
-- Pythagoras, 126 BC
4. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"
-- Michelangelo, 1566
3. "Where the @#$% are we?"
-- Amelia Earhart, 1937
2. "Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!"
-- Noah, 4314 BC
1. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"
-- Bill Clinton, 1998