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Tuesday, March 28, 2017

12 Monks

Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up, nude, in a garden while a nude model danced before them.

 
Each monk had a small bell attached to his privates, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
 
The model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction.

 
 
She proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the final monk.

 
 
As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground.


 
 
Embarrassed, he bent down to pick up the bell, and eleven other bells began to ring…


 
Guess none of them had reached a state of spiritual purity ! Open-mouthed smile



PS...forgot to tell y'all that this was one of  Meredith's Jack contributions in case you didn't notice the label.

Monday, March 27, 2017

Sportsman’s Double

A guy ends up with an older woman at a bar last. 

She looked pretty good for a 55-year-old. In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all, and he found himself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. 

They drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I’d ever had a “Sportsman’s Double”?

“What’s that?” the guy asked.

“It’s a mother and daughter threesome.” she said.

As the guy’s mind began to embrace the idea, and he wondered what her daughter might look like, he said, “No, I haven’t.”

They drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, “tonight’s your lucky night.”

They hopped into a taxi and went back to her place.


When they arrived back at her place and they walked into the front door, she turned on the hall light and shouted upstairs “Mom… you still awake?”

Sunday, March 26, 2017

Late to the Party

Since I'm late to the party,  I'm sure you know that March is Q&A month in our little corner of blogland.

If you have questions,  feel free to ask…I have lots of answers…no guarantee that they will match your questions but you are welcome to try. Winking smile   



Will leave you with the following giggles…

day after sunday

Stay!
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping centre and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.
 
She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
 
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me?"
 
"Stay! Stay!"
 
 
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blonde, gave me a strange look and said,…
 
"Why don't you just put it in 'Park'?" I don't know smile

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Overstressed

This Is What Happens To Your Body When You’re Overstressed
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“Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. Nothing is that important.” – Natalie Goldberg

Stress manifests when someone experiences excessive levels of emotional or mental pressure. This emotional or mental pressure creates distress – a harmful psychological state that can damage both mind and body.

It is not hyperbole to say that stress can kill you. This fact and the near universal presence of stress in daily life does not bode well for individual and public health. Consider some of these alarming statistics:

- 77% of people regularly experience physical symptoms caused by stress.
- 73% of people regularly experience psychological symptoms caused by stress.
- 33% of people feel “they are living with extreme stress.”
- 48% of individuals report lying awake at night due to stress.
- 48% of people cite stress as having a negative impact on their personal and professional life.

The human body consists of 78 organs total; all of which are divided into 13 “major” organ systems.

Of all organs, five are considered vital: the brain, heart, kidneys, liver and lungs. Why do we mention this? Because stress negative affects them all, particularly the vital organs.

In this article, we discuss stress’ impact on 10 major organ systems. We’ll also provide some effective ways of destressing the body and mind (including the organs of course)!


This Is What Happens To Your Body When You’re Overstressed

1. Cardiovascular System
The cardiovascular system consists of our heart and blood vessels and is a potentially life-threatening target for chronic high stress. Cardiovascular disease accounts for approximately 610,000 deaths every year in the United States – or 1 in every 4 fatalities. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), it is the leading cause of death for both men and women.

More research continues to link cardiovascular disease and stress. The presence of stress, particularly combined with other risky behaviors (e.g. smoking, alcohol abuse), is thought to increase one’s risk drastically to this disease.


2. Nervous System
The brain and spinal cord are “the central division“ of the nervous system. The autonomic nervous system (ANS) “has a direct role in physical response to stress); which is divided into the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and parasympathetic nervous system (PNS).

Stress starts, ends, and everything in between, within the brain. Stress initiates the “fight or flight” response and releases stress hormones that spread throughout the body, causing “the heart to beat faster, respiration to increase, blood vessels in the arms to dilate,” in addition to other side effects.


In short, chronic stress is not good for the brain.


3. Respiratory System
The bronchi, larynx, lungs, nose, pharynx, and trachea forms the respiratory system. The brain’s fight or flight response causes one to breathe harder, sometimes to the point that one experiences hyperventilation.


Panic attacks – a sudden feeling of acute and disabling anxiety – is a common medical condition in those with chronic stress.


4. Musculoskeletal System
Our bones, joints, and muscles make up the musculoskeletal system. As we’re all privy to, stress has a way of causing our body to tense up. In an acute state, this tension is released and “that is that,” as they say. However, chronic stress “causes the muscles in the body to be in a more or less constant state of guardedness;” chronic painful conditions and musculoskeletal disorders can manifest in this state.


5. Reproductive System
Our reproductive system encompasses the gonads, accessory organs (e.g. prostrate, uterus), Genitalia, mammary glands, and genital ducts (male).

For both men and women, the reproductive system is influenced by the nervous system. In men, the ANS produces testosterone and activates the sympathetic nervous system to create arousal. For women, stress adversely affects women across a range of functions: menstruation, premenstrual syndrome (PMS), menopause and sexual desire.

During times of stress, the brain releases cortisol which, over a period of time, may disrupt the normal function of anatomic reproductive components. 
 
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6. Endocrine System
The adrenals, hypothalamus, pancreas, parathyroid, pineal gland, pituitary gland, ovaries, testes, and thymus and make up the endocrine system.

One again, the brain initiates the release of stress hormones, cortisol and epinephrine, via the hypothalamus. The adrenals, located near the kidneys, produces cortisol and epinephrine; this heightens the body’s stress awareness levels.

The liver produces glucose during the abov-ementioned process, which would generally provide aid during fight or flight mode. However, this excess blood sugar could lead to Type 2 diabetes in vulnerable demographics, including the obese and some races (e.g. Native Americans).


Managing stress is important to maintaining a normal blood sugar level – and potentially avoiding diabetes in certain situations.


7. Integumentary System
This system includes the hair, nails, and skin. The integumentary system plays an important role in maintaining the body’s equilibrium, “including protection, temperature regulation, sensory reception, biochemical synthesis, and (nutrient) absorption.”

For the integumentary system to function properly, other internal systems must also be maintained. Stress disrupts the systematic operation of this system, which can result in decreased blood flow to the skin, skin inelasticity, destabilization of glandular functions, and disrupt tissue restoration.


8. Digestive System
The digestive system includes primary organs – the esophagus, stomach, small and large intestines; and accessory organs – the rectum, appendix, gallbladder and pancreas.

Consuming more food, alcohol, and nicotine can result in acid reflux or heartburn – a common problem for those with chronic stress. Stress also increases stomach sensitivity, which can worsen the symptoms mentioned above.


Chronic stress may lead to severe stomach pain, ulcers, and other conditions such as irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).


Ways to combat stress!
Learning how to properly manage stress is essential to both preventing and treating any real or potential medical conditions. Below are some effective methods of stress reduction according to the University of Maryland Medical Center (UMMC).

- Lifestyle changes: stress reduction and positive changes to one’s lifestyle are inseparable. Improving overall health and ability to manage stress is often accomplished through getting regular exercise, eating a well-balanced diet, and avoid excessive consumption of alcohol, caffeine, and tobacco.

- Relaxation methods: UMMC is an academic institution with an acute focus on relaxation methods and alternative therapies. Some of their recommendations include: acupuncture, deep breathing, meditation, muscle relaxation, massage therapy, and biofeedback.

- Herbal remedies: These include aromatherapy, consumption of valerian – an herb with sedative qualities, and use of kava – a root that has been effective in reducing anxiety and stress.

(Note: herbal therapies are not well-tolerated by all. Depending on past and current medical history; herbs, supplements, and other homeopathic medications may cause serious side effects. As with any type of treatment – holistic or prescriptive – it is advisable to consult with a physician or schedule a physical examination.)


© Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
Courtesy of Power of Positivity

Friday, March 24, 2017

Facebook Replies

For better or worse, pretty much everyone from your friends to your parents are on Facebook. And while you might unfollow some of them for their stupid posts, there are others who instead craft the most absolutely perfect response that you can't help but "like."
 
In other words, the comebacks will make you come back again for more.
Don't Worry, Be Happy
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Too bad Facebook doesn’t have spellcheck.
Then again, we would miss out on all of this fun.
 
RIP
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Well, nobody’s perfect.
 
A Beautiful Thing
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We are all so very grateful.
 
Just Browsing
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BUSTED!

 
Teacher's Pet
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You might think you’re smarter than the teacher, but you would be thinking wrong.
 
What a Weenie
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Maybe he really did mean what he said and simply has no shame…or much of anything else.
 
The Little Things
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At least he was a good sport about it.
 
Food for Thought
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Point goes to pizza!
 
Daddy Issues
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Commas are very important, especially if you’re passive-aggressively calling out your absent parent, apparently.
 
Buy a Vowel
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Don’t waste your breath with this one.
It’s best to just move on.
 
Hail, Hail!
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I don’t think they know how that taxi thing works.
 
True Love
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Make a snarky statement, get a snarky reply.
 
Coming Right Up
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And the winner is…Shann!
 
Sibling Rivalry
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If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.


 
Mommy Dearest
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Great.
Even mom’s turning on him now.
 
DOA
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You might want to look into a different profession.
 
That Escalated Quickly
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That sounds like something one should discuss in therapy.
 
Amen
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Well, faith comes in all forms.
 
Bottom's Up
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And with just one or two shots, so can you!

 
Grammar Matters
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Maybe you should take some better notes when at school…unless you’re into some really weird crap — literally.
 
Game On
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Someone put a lot of thought into that one.
Totally worth it.
 
Just Browsing
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Please don’t look in the folder titled, “Tax information.”
It’s never tax information.
 
New York, New York
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That’s okay.
Geography is hard.
 
Mapping It Out
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Just a friendly suggestion.

 
A Low Note
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Or they just like posing with instruments, but I would go with the former.
 
Shake It Off
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Look for that on her next album.
We’re never, ever getting back together…
 
Go Guac!
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That would most certainly change the world, or at least the avocado population.
 
Roid Rage
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There’s a reason he’s the boyfriend.
Size doesn’t always matter.
 
TMI
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And if it lasts more than four hours, be sure to call your doctor.

 
Family Ties
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They really are just the best.

Courtesy of 22 Words

Wednesday, March 22, 2017