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Sunday, August 31, 2014

Vagina Traps US Student

Received the following in an email…did check it out and it is a true story.  There was not date regarding the article but when I researched it, this seems to have happened in June of 2014. 

Good gravy…think this is a perfect example of what I call an ‘educated idiot’! 

32-Ton Marble Vagina Traps US Exchange Student

An American student waiting for firefighters to free him from Fernando de la Jara's marble vagina sculpture, <em>Chacán-Pi </em>(Making Love), at Germany's Tübingen University. Photo: Erick Guzman, via Imgur.
An American student waiting for firefighters to free him from Fernando de la Jara’s marble vagina sculpture, Chacán-Pi (Making Love), at Germany’s Tübingen University.
Photo: Erick Guzman, via Imgur.
 
It seemed like a great photo op, but a dare ended in embarrassment for an American student who got trapped inside a large sculpture in the shape of a vagina at Germany’s Tubingen University, reports the Sydney Morning Herald.
 
At about 1:45 p.m. on Friday, firefighters were called to the scene, where, they were told, someone was “stuck in a stone vulva.”
 
Freeing the young man, whose name has not been released, from the 32-ton red Veronese marble monolith took no less that 22 firefighters (and five fire trucks), as well as paramedics. The rescuers required no special equipment, and were able to extricate the student from the sculpture by hand, creating a surreal, oversize delivery room scene, with the artwork giving birth to a full-grown (though perhaps a little immature) man.
 
Erick Guzman, a fellow student, posted photos of the incident on Imgur, saying “I was there!!! He just wanted to take a funny picture.”
 
Tübingen’s mayor found it difficult to comprehend how such a ridiculous accident could have occurred, “even when considering the most extreme adolescent fantasies,” according to local paper Schwäbisches Tagblatt. “To reward such a masterly achievement with the use of 22 firefighters almost pains my soul,” he added.
 
Despite the undeniably humorous nature of the incident, said Guzman, “The fire department was not really amused, and [the student] was really embarrassed.”
 
Peruvian artist Fernando de la Jara installed the statue, titled Chacán-Pi (Making Love) and meant to symbolize “the gateway to the world,” according to the Guardian, in front of the university’s institute for microbiology and virology 13 years ago. It was not damaged by the student or the efforts of his rescuers.
 
artnet News readers may recall that earlier this year, an Italian student who was also hoping for a fun photograph made headlines when he hopped into the lap of a statue in Milan, causing it to shatter—and that wasn’t even the most ill-advised selfie of 2014.
 
Two Iranian girls got in a car crash while taking a video selfie (see the footage at E Online), while a young woman in North Carolina who died behind the wheel in a car accident was photographing herself shortly before her fatal crash, as reported by the Independent. Advice for selfie-seekers: don’t ignore safety and common sense when you’re picking that perfect photo-op.


I do have to wonder if any of these selfie-seekers are actually competing for a Darwin Award!  SMH

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Superman

Just received a joke I haven't heard in absolutely years.  It is actually the second ‘dirty’ joke I was ever told. LOL


Superman is flying around one day and he’s feeling kinda horny.



So he finds Batman sitting on top of a building and drops down to ask him where the best place to get laid is. Batman proceeds to tell him that Wonder Woman is a great lay. Superman then tells him that he couldn’t do that to her because they have been friends for too long and he flies away.





Superman then sees Spider-man swinging around and flies next to him while he’s swinging and asks him who the best piece of ass is. Spider-man tells him that he hears Wonder Woman is good and tells him to look her up. Disgruntled Superman takes to the air and flies about.





He then notices Wonder Woman lying in a field naked and spread Eagle. He thinks I’m faster than a speeding bullet, I can be in and out of that so fast she’ll never know what hit her. So, he flies down does his business and in 4 seconds he’s back in the air flying away.





Wonder Woman looks up and says “What was that?”






Invisible Man says: “I don’t know but my ass hurts!”  ( | )

Friday, August 29, 2014

Why Can't We?

The following was sent to me in an email…I don’t know if it’s a true story or not but I really like the moral of the story.
 
yellow-leopard-gecko
 

When A Lizard Can, Why Can't We?

This is, I'm told, a true story that happened in Japan.



Japanese houses normally have a hollow space between the wooden walls.  In order to renovate the house, someone in Japan breaks open the wall. 
 
 
When tearing down the walls, he found that there was a lizard stuck there because a nail from outside hammered into one of it's feet.
 
He sees this, feels pity, and at the same time curious, as when he checked the nail, it was nailed 5 years ago when the house was first built !!!
 
What happened?
 
The lizard has survived in such position for 5 years!!!!!!!!!!
 
In a dark wall partition for 5 years without moving, it is impossible and mind-boggling.
 

 
Then he wondered how this lizard survived for 5 years without moving a single step--since it's foot was nailed!
 
So he stopped his work and observed the lizard, what it has been doing, and what and how it has been eating.
 

 
Later, not knowing from where it came, appears another lizard, with food in its mouth.
 
Ah! He was stunned and touched deeply.
 
For the lizard that was stuck by nail, another lizard has been feeding it for the past 5 years...
 

Imagine? it has been doing that untiringly for 5 long years, without giving up hope on its partner.
 

Imagine what a small creature can do that a creature blessed with a brilliant mind can't.
 

Please never abandon your loved ones…

Never Say you're Busy When They Really Need You ...

You May Have The Entire World At Your Feet.....

But You Might Be The Only World To Them....

A Moment of negligence might break the very heart which loved you against all odds.

Before you say something just remember...it takes a moment to break but an entire lifetime to make... 

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Totally Random and Obscure Laws that Actually Exist

Stay Away From your Boyfriend
In the lovely state of West Virginia, "Unmarried couple who live together and “lewdly associate” with one another may face up to a year in prison". Fortunately it was repealed in 2010.

Imagine all of those unmarried rebels who lived together prior to 2010. Really on the edge type of characters. Hope they were all released from prison.

Leave the Cows Be
In good 'ol Mississippi, cattle rustling is punishable by hanging. Still? Maybe not. Bu the fact that this was ever a law is pretty outrageous.

There's likely a bunch of other old laws that were punishable by hanging. If this made the cut, imagine the rest. Oh dear.

Yeah, Your Elephant Pays Too
Leave it to Florida to come up with this gem "If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle".

Don't try to get out of paying your fines, you elephant riding renegades. You pay your dues just like the rest of us.

Garlic Breath Much?
Out in Oregon, ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon. While the sentiment is appreciated, perhaps this law overstates some personal boundaries?

Talk about separation of church and state, now the government is telling the church about personal hygiene.

NOT A BED
In Pennsylvania, one must never sleep on a refrigerator. There should be another law which states that anyone who needed the previous law explained to them should be arrested.

Reasons to no sleep on a refrigerator, because refrigerator. Simple enough?


No Lantern In Car, Please
In the great state of Alabama, "It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile." Those lantern-free cars are good to go.

Admittedly, no one should ever drive the opposite way on a one way street, or drive with a lantern in your car for that matter

No Stopping Here Any Time
In Little Rock, Arkansas "no one may suddenly stop their car in front of a McDonald's". Apparently, Arkansas takes its fast food joints VERY seriously.

Hard to imagine what the precedent for this was. Perhaps some crazy outlaw once came to a complete stop a a busy thrive thru, sending the town into downward spiral. Can't let that happen again.

Cemetery Joy Ride? NOPE
Believe it or not, Dunn, North Carolina felt the need to outlaw driving through their local cemeteries for pleasure. That's right, the next time you find yourself wanting to drag race through Veterans Memorial Cemetery, don't.

We have to wonder if it would legal to take a shortcut on through the cemetery on your way to work. After all, there is not pleasure in going to work.

No margarine
In the state of Wisconsin, it's illegal to serve butter substitutes in state prisons. It's actually healthier to have butter anyway, so our guess is the state legislators are watching out for their inmates?

DUI down
If you desperately must have personalized license plates, then don't get slapped with a DUI in New Jersey… or just don't drink and drive OR live in the state of New Jersey. The law there states that once you have been convicted of drunk driving, you may never again have personalized plates!

Take down the trimmings
Unfortunately, Maine as a state does not tolerate Christmas lights and wreaths past January 14th. It is illegal in Maine to have your Christmas decorations up past that date!

Bingo time
In North Carolina, grandma isn't allowed to play bingo for more than five hours. No marathon in this state!


Watch out!
We're not sure what kind of murderer would have the foresight to wear a bulletproof vest while committing his or her crime, but in the state of New Jersey, it's actually illegal to wear one when committing murder!


Party of…
What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Maybe that's because you're not allowed to buy drinks for more than three people at a time. Yes, it's true -- that's an actual Nevada law!


Three little bears
In Alaska, hunting is a regular thing. Shooting bears is a regular thing. And it's totally ok for you to wake a bear up by shooting it (if you sorta miss). However, it's illegal in Alaska to wake a sleeping bear merely to take a picture of or with it!

No German fare
Beer and pretzels… that sure sounds like our kind of sports bar game night appetizer! Too bad we'll never visit North Dakota for this reason. It's illegal there for a restaurant to serve both pretzels and beer at the same time!

Arcade age
Do you think there's too much violence in video games for kids under the age of 18? Are you concerned that arcades are a bad influence? Well, there's a place for you -- South Carolina deems it illegal for anyone under the age of 18 to play a pinball machine.


No bear hug
In the state of Missouri, it is illegal to drive with an uncaged bear. We're assuming that this means it's ok to transport bears from zoo to zoo as long as they're in cages, but there's no random cab hopping for your friendly backyard guest!

Heavy hearts
In the state of Idaho, it's illegal for a man to give his love a box of candy weighing more than 50 pounds. So we guess there's no chance our lover in Idaho's gonna be sending us that fantasy jumbo Toblerone gift basket.

Drunk fish
In the state of Ohio, it's illegal to get a fish drunk. We're not sure why you would want to in the first place, but there it is!




Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Something to Think About

A friend shared this on Facebook today and I decided to share it here.


more smiles

Monday, August 25, 2014

Anniversary Trip

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.





Suddenly, over the public address system,the Captain announces,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However,the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"







Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.



An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our Visa and Master Card bill yet?"




"No, sweetheart," she responds.


Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?"


"Oh, no!, I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.






"One last thing Esther. Did you remember to send the installment check to the IRS this month?" he asks.


"Oh, forgive me, Abe," begged Esther, "I didn't send that one, either."






Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.





Esther pulls away and asks him,"What was that for?"









Abe answers, "They'll find us!"

Aint' that the truth!  LOL
 

Sunday, August 24, 2014

New Airline

 
plane
 
Welcome to TPA…Terrorist-Proof Airlines
 
TPA is in the safe-flying business!
 
We can absolutely guarantee no walk-on GUNS, KNIVES, SHOE-BOMBS, SUICIDE-BELTS or other weapons will EVER be carried onto our flights!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 
Book your next flight with TPA!
The SAFEST airline in the flying industry!

 
Terrorist-Proof Airlines
 

Please forward to your friends!
 
We need passengers!!


Saturday, August 23, 2014

Special Guest Post


Hello all. It has been several weeks since I rather abruptly left blogland. I deleted my email/profile/ etc. In one swift action, much like ripping off a bandage. Oh, it still hurt and quite a lot, but still easier than leaving bit by bit. I have missed all of you and this very special place more than I can say.


I want to extend a very special thank you to Cat who so graciously provided the platform for me to come back and speak with you. I would have used a different blog, a blog I used to have, if I still had the password.


I never really intended to come back here and say what I am going to say today. I tried to believe it was for reasons meant more to protect all of you than for selfish reasons of my own. But, I don’t believe that’s really true. What I have to confess will hurt some of you. I know that and I am so sorry. I also hate to be the cause of any feelings of distrust and doubt among any of you for your fellow bloggers/friends here. I fear some of that may happen as well. I am so sorry for that too. Still, to just leave with “no one the wiser” is cowardly. I always knew that. I also have very strong personal reasons for feeling it is imperative that I confess to all of you and ask your forgiveness. I’ll explain that in a minute. Of course, I realize that just because I ask your forgiveness does not mean that I expect to receive it. Maybe you can find it in your heart to do so, and maybe you can’t. I understand that some will be angry and I don’t blame you. I’m expecting that too. You have every right to feel that way.


You know me as Queenie, but some of you knew me by a different name. I was also Cowgirl Up.

I wanted so badly to be a part of this community. I never intended to hurt anyone. Once I became ‘Cowgirl’, I felt I belonged here. My blog, at first, was only jokes or posts that were not very personal. Slowly, I began to take what had a kernel of truth and embellish it far beyond anything reasonable. I knew it was wrong. I had such guilt, and rightfully so. What I never really expected was that I would come to truly, genuinely care about so many other bloggers. To become so heavily invested in their lives. By then, I didn’t see how I could confess without causing so much hurt and disappointment. The closer I got to some others, the harder it became. Finally, I just could not carry on with it. At the same time, I could not figure out how to stop. Just stop. I ended my blog by saying that my husband ‘Blue’ had a family member who was diagnosed with a serious illness and I had no time to blog, etc. Well, there was a truth there. His mother was sick and we lost her recently. Still, I know that some of you never stopped praying for ‘Cowgirl’ and ‘Blue’ and our family. I believe that those heartfelt prayers, that were so sincerely made by so many, but under such deceitful pretenses on my part have had an effect on me. I have been diagnosed with cancer. The biopsy shows it to be an especially aggressive, invasive variety. I believe that this is my punishment. Not sent by God, but by my own feelings of extreme guilt and shame at what I have done to so many here. I cannot carry this burden another day.



Why did I come back as Queenie? I tried to just be happy as a reader only. Then as an anonymous commenter. That wasn’t enough. I decided to come back as someone else. Someone totally honest this time. To the best of my memory, with the exception of how long I’ve been involved in blogland and pretending it was the first time to contact certain bloggers, I have not been deceitful as Queenie. That was the ‘real’ me. Warts and all. After what happened with Christina, I realized I was still doing something very wrong. I know some assumed I left blogland due to the fallout from Christina. Of course, it wasn’t any of you who I felt may not be as you seemed, it was entirely because I had my own secret to hide.


I want to apologize to each and every person who reads this. I ask that you send others to read this who may not otherwise.


I want to extend a special apology to those bloggers I became especially close to, in my mind at least, as ‘Cowgirl’: Clint and Chelsea, Christina, Lillie, Molly Rose, Irishey, SNP, Renee Rose, Julia, Lil Misses, Cat, Willie, Blue Bird, Dana


Also, a very special apology to those who were so very kind to me as Queenie: Cat, Irishey, Willie and Clara.


I have no doubt I have left out many, so, to one and all who have been my friend in either of my identities, I thank you. I’m beyond sorry for what I did. Please forgive me if you can.



Cat here…Before you comment, please remember…you can be angry, hurt, saddened, disappointed and are free to express any or all of those emotions as well as others you may be feeling.  But…I do NOT tolerate disrespectful comments on my blog. 
 
most beautiful people
 

Friday, August 22, 2014

How to Make...

Received the following in an email…had me ROFLMBO before I even got half way through it!  Hope you enjoy!!!!

 

***************************************************************************************************

 

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:


1. Feed him
2. Sleep with him
3. Leave him in peace
4. Don't check his phone (Messages or texts)
5. Don't ask him where he’s going, been or who he’s been with.


So what's so hard about that?

 

HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY:

It's really not too difficult but...
To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a plumber
10. a mechanic
11. a carpenter
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

44. give her compliments regularly
45. go shopping with her
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

50. give her lots of attention
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

BUT MOST OF ALL IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

53. never forget
*birthdays
*anniversaries
*valentine
*arrangements she makes

Anything I missed?  LOL

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Notes from the Doctor

These are actual notes from Doctors patient charts...Do you recognize yourself in any of the notes? LOL



1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.



2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.



3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.



4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.



5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.



6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.



7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male. Mentally alert but forgetful.



8. The patient refused an autopsy.



9. The patient has no past history of suicides.



10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.



11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.



12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.



13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.



14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.



15. She is numb from her toes down.



16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.



17. The skin was moist and dry.



18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.



19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.




20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.



21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.




22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.



23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.



24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.



25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.



26. The patient was to have a bowel re-section. However, he took a job as a lawyer instead.



27. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.



28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.



29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.



30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.



31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.


Courtesy of Facts book


Wednesday, August 20, 2014

The Weirdest Things to Ever Happen at Wal-Mart

Child Safety 
Child Safety
Yikes! A child murderer right in the middle of day!


 

Slave Labor
Slave Labor?
This is what happens when dad has the baby for the day. At least someone is working hard here...




Too Much To See 
Too Much To See
We suppose, Wal-Mart makes people feel so comfortable, and this couple forgot they were NOT at home.
 
  






Wheres The Pool 
Where's The Pool?
People, Wal-Mart is not a public swimming pool! She doesn't care..

  



 
Granddads A Nudist 
Granddad's A Nudist
Actually Granddad makes the swimsuit lady look well dressed!


  





Parking Lot Pranks 
Parking Lot Pranks
Instead of being "toilet papered", you can be Maxipadded.

  
  

Solicitors In Parking Lot
Solicitors In Parking Lot
While at least they have a sense of humor, while having the strangest offer ever seen on a sign.




The Beware Tat
The 'Beware' Tat...
No approaching this guy from the back or the front, he isn't a fan of the world.

  



Hospital Patient 
Hospital Patient
Someone apparently couldn't resist his daily run to Wal-Mart and escaped from the hospital. Hopefully not from the psych ward!

  



Pet Sheep In A Nappy

Pet Sheep In A Nappy
This is what Little Boo Peep grew up to be?  That's not what we imagined... 
 


President Abe Lincoln 
President Abe Lincoln
Looks like he's alive and kicking, BUT only at Wal-Mart! 


 Courtesy of  Randomly Funny Stuff

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Calculating Height



A group of northern engineers is trying to calculate the height of a flag pole.


They try to measure its height by lining up their thumbs and then turning the thumb 90 degrees and marking a spot on the ground.


Then they try to use its shadow and trig functions, but no luck.



An engineer from the south comes by and watches for a few minutes.



He asks one of the northern engineers what they're doing.



"We're trying to calculate the height of this flagpole." the engineer said.




The southern engineer watches a few minutes more and then, without saying a word, he walks over, pulls the pole out of the ground, lays it down, measures it, writes the measurement on a piece of paper, and gives it to one of the northern group.




The northern man looks at the paper, snickers and says to the others: "Isn't that just like a southerner? We're trying to calculate the height and he gives us the length."



Monday, August 18, 2014

Dancing

In the following video, a man taught his dog a few hip hop dance moves, and after a little prompting, the dog is able to bust them out just as good as his owner!

My favorite part is the end, where the guy realizes he’s being recorded! Oops!  LOL



Here is the YouTube link if you can’t see the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5Wbx-aqtYk



Here’s the pup by himself.  I think the man is behind the video coaxing but as soon as the music starts, so does the dancing!

 

Here is the YouTube link if you can’t see the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eV9sr_HAgYw

Hope you enjoy!

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Escaped Prisoner

Quick note:  I've received several emails asking if I had a mailing list to notify people whenever I updated my artwork page...the answer is no.  I have put a note on the sidebar and will update it with the date I last updated the page so you can easily see if there is anything new...newest will always be at the bottom of the page. 

Oh and I added a contact me section in the sidebar also...if you want a quick and easy way to send me a message.

Now...back to regularly scheduled programming...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.


He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.


While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

 "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."



To which his wife responds:

"He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!" 


Oops! 

Friday, August 15, 2014

Test Answers

With school getting ready to start again, I thought our teachers here in blogland and as well as parents would enjoy the following test answers.


It was sent to me as "16 Impressively Sarcastic Test Answers from Kids" however, I don't see them as sarcastic, just extremely honest! LOL 



Hope you enjoy!




Somebody Get This Kid a Time Machine


Thank You Children of the World for Your Wise Words


This Child Isnt Wrong Though
















This Deserves at Least a Little Extra Credit



This Kid Is Definitely Going Places
























Warren Is a Realist


At Least Frankies Honest
















Well They Probably Were


Because Im Smart
















Cant Blame Peter for Trying

Cue the Head-Bobbing














I Probably Would Have Put the Same Thing

Kids Can Be Fantastically Honest
















If Only Math Were That Easy

Nice Try










Solid Explanation


Courtesy of  Nster