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Sunday, May 31, 2015
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small town in the Midwest. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting, “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humour!”
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, “You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Friday, May 29, 2015
One morning, the Irishman was surprised to receive an invoice in the mail from the adjoining restaurant for "enjoyment of food."
Mystified, he marched right over to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought a thing from them.
The manager said, "You're enjoying our food, so you should pay us for it." The Irishman refused to pay and the restaurant took him to court.
At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case.
The manager said, "Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen and smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added value to his poor food and we deserve to be compensated for it."
The judge turned to Mike and said, "What do you have to say to that?"
The old Irishman didn't say a thing but smiled and stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins he had inside.
The judge asked him, "What is the meaning of that?"
The Irishman replied with a mile wide grin, "I'm paying for the smell of his food with the sound of my money."
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Giant Concrete Arrows That Stretch Across America.
Every so often, usually in the vast deserts of the American Southwest, a hiker or a backpacker will run across something puzzling: a large concrete arrow, as much as seventy feet in length, sitting in the middle of nowhere.
What are these giant arrows?
Some kind of surveying mark?
Landing beacons for flying saucers?
Nope. They are actually arrows marking…
The Transcontinental Air Mail Route!
On August 20, 1920, the United States opened its first coast-to-coast airmail delivery route, just 60 years after the Pony Express closed up shop. There were no good aviation charts in those days, so pilots had to eyeball their way across the country using landmarks. This meant that flying in bad weather was difficult, and night flying was just about impossible.
The Postal Service solved the problem with the world’s first ground-based civilian navigation system: a series of lit beacons that would extend from New York to San Francisco . Every ten miles , pilots would pass a bright yellow concrete arrow. Each arrow would be surmounted by a 51-foot steel tower and lit by a million-candlepower rotating beacon.
(A generator shed at the arrow's tail powered the beacon)!
Now mail could get from the Atlantic to the Pacific not in a matter of weeks, but in just 30 hours or so. Even the dumbest of air mail pilots, it seems, could follow a series of bright yellow arrows straight out of a Tex Avery cartoon.
By 1924, just a year after Congress funded it, the line of giant concrete markers stretched from Rock Springs, Wyoming to Cleveland, Ohio. The next summer, it reached all the way to New York, and by 1929 it spanned the continent uninterrupted, the envy of postal systems worldwide.
Radio and radar are, of course, infinitely less cool than a concrete Yellow Brick Road from sea to shining sea, but I think we all know how this story ends. New advances in communication and navigation technology made the big arrows obsolete, and the Commerce Department decommissioned the beacons in the 1940s. The steel towers were torn down and went to the war effort. But the hundreds of arrows remain. Their yellow paint is gone, their concrete cracks a little more with every winter frost, and no one crosses their path much, except for coyotes and tumbleweeds.
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Monday, May 25, 2015
“I’d just like to be six again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early and made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms.
He had quite an adventure planned for her!
He took her to Six Flags theme park. He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a large chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, along with buttered popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s.
What a fabulous day he had given her!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed absolutely exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile on this face and lovingly asked, “Well Dear, what was it like being six again?”
Her eyes slowly opened in realization...
“I meant my dress size, you idiot!”