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Friday, March 31, 2017
When they went inside to pay, the men asked the attendant about the contest.
“If you win, you’re entitled to free sex,” said the attendant.
“How do we enter?” asked the first man.
“Well, I’m thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right, you win free sex.”
“O.K. I guess 7, ” said the first man.
“Sorry, I was thinking of 8,” replied the attendant. “Come back soon and try again”
The next week, the two men returned to the same station to get gas.
When they went inside to pay, the second man asked the attendant if the contest was still going on.
“Sure,” replied the attendant. “I’m thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right. You win free sex.”
“2″ said the second man.
“Sorry, I was thinking of 3,” replied the attendant. “Come back soon and try again.”
As they walked back to the car, the first man said to the second man,”You know, I’m beginning to think this contest is rigged.”
“No way,” said the second man. “My wife won twice last week.”
I think the two men were blonde…
Thursday, March 30, 2017
This Vagina Alarm Clock Helps You Wake Up With an Orgasm
We all have a bitter-sweet relationship with alarm clocks. While on one hand, we absolutely hate them for vilely breaking our peaceful morning sleep, we, on the other hand, also thank it for waking us up to face the everyday music. But here's the problem - alarm clocks often wake us up with a feeling of irritation, because of its annoying habit of disturbing our peace until we have woken up. So, the only solution which can be the best solution to this problem is to find a way that wakes us up without leaving us irritated at the same time. And that's where this crazy alarm clock steps in.
But fair warning: it's only for women.
Check it out!
Most of us hate alarm clocks!
While we need it for waking us up in time every morning...
We also hate it at the same time, as it often wakes us up feeling annoyed!
So, what's the solution to this?
Introducing, the alarm clock that'll wake you up with an orgasm!
The alarm clock is meant for only women, though...
It's called the Little Rooster, and is one heck of a sex toy!
What the Little Rooster promises
It promises to wake you up slowly, sensually, pleasurably, aroused and feeling confident! It has 27 ultra-quiet levels of intensity, and 3 mega-loud ones, for the deep sleepers.
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
Tuesday, March 28, 2017
Each monk had a small bell attached to his privates, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the final monk.
As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground.
Embarrassed, he bent down to pick up the bell, and eleven other bells began to ring…
Guess none of them had reached a state of spiritual purity !
PS...forgot to tell y'all that this was one of Meredith's Jack contributions in case you didn't notice the label.
Monday, March 27, 2017
She looked pretty good for a 55-year-old. In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all, and he found himself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
They drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I’d ever had a “Sportsman’s Double”?
“What’s that?” the guy asked.
“It’s a mother and daughter threesome.” she said.
As the guy’s mind began to embrace the idea, and he wondered what her daughter might look like, he said, “No, I haven’t.”
They drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, “tonight’s your lucky night.”
They hopped into a taxi and went back to her place.
When they arrived back at her place and they walked into the front door, she turned on the hall light and shouted upstairs “Mom… you still awake?”
Sunday, March 26, 2017
Since I'm late to the party, I'm sure you know that March is Q&A month in our little corner of blogland.
If you have questions, feel free to ask…I have lots of answers…no guarantee that they will match your questions but you are welcome to try.
Will leave you with the following giggles…
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping centre and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me?"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blonde, gave me a strange look and said,…
"Why don't you just put it in 'Park'?"
Saturday, March 25, 2017
“Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. Nothing is that important.” – Natalie Goldberg
Stress manifests when someone experiences excessive levels of emotional or mental pressure. This emotional or mental pressure creates distress – a harmful psychological state that can damage both mind and body.
It is not hyperbole to say that stress can kill you. This fact and the near universal presence of stress in daily life does not bode well for individual and public health. Consider some of these alarming statistics:
- 77% of people regularly experience physical symptoms caused by stress.
- 73% of people regularly experience psychological symptoms caused by stress.
- 33% of people feel “they are living with extreme stress.”
- 48% of individuals report lying awake at night due to stress.
- 48% of people cite stress as having a negative impact on their personal and professional life.
The human body consists of 78 organs total; all of which are divided into 13 “major” organ systems.
Of all organs, five are considered vital: the brain, heart, kidneys, liver and lungs. Why do we mention this? Because stress negative affects them all, particularly the vital organs.
In this article, we discuss stress’ impact on 10 major organ systems. We’ll also provide some effective ways of destressing the body and mind (including the organs of course)!
This Is What Happens To Your Body When You’re Overstressed
1. Cardiovascular System
The cardiovascular system consists of our heart and blood vessels and is a potentially life-threatening target for chronic high stress. Cardiovascular disease accounts for approximately 610,000 deaths every year in the United States – or 1 in every 4 fatalities. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), it is the leading cause of death for both men and women.
More research continues to link cardiovascular disease and stress. The presence of stress, particularly combined with other risky behaviors (e.g. smoking, alcohol abuse), is thought to increase one’s risk drastically to this disease.
2. Nervous System
The brain and spinal cord are “the central division“ of the nervous system. The autonomic nervous system (ANS) “has a direct role in physical response to stress); which is divided into the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and parasympathetic nervous system (PNS).
Stress starts, ends, and everything in between, within the brain. Stress initiates the “fight or flight” response and releases stress hormones that spread throughout the body, causing “the heart to beat faster, respiration to increase, blood vessels in the arms to dilate,” in addition to other side effects.
In short, chronic stress is not good for the brain.
3. Respiratory System
The bronchi, larynx, lungs, nose, pharynx, and trachea forms the respiratory system. The brain’s fight or flight response causes one to breathe harder, sometimes to the point that one experiences hyperventilation.
Panic attacks – a sudden feeling of acute and disabling anxiety – is a common medical condition in those with chronic stress.
4. Musculoskeletal System
Our bones, joints, and muscles make up the musculoskeletal system. As we’re all privy to, stress has a way of causing our body to tense up. In an acute state, this tension is released and “that is that,” as they say. However, chronic stress “causes the muscles in the body to be in a more or less constant state of guardedness;” chronic painful conditions and musculoskeletal disorders can manifest in this state.
5. Reproductive System
Our reproductive system encompasses the gonads, accessory organs (e.g. prostrate, uterus), Genitalia, mammary glands, and genital ducts (male).
For both men and women, the reproductive system is influenced by the nervous system. In men, the ANS produces testosterone and activates the sympathetic nervous system to create arousal. For women, stress adversely affects women across a range of functions: menstruation, premenstrual syndrome (PMS), menopause and sexual desire.
During times of stress, the brain releases cortisol which, over a period of time, may disrupt the normal function of anatomic reproductive components.
6. Endocrine System
The adrenals, hypothalamus, pancreas, parathyroid, pineal gland, pituitary gland, ovaries, testes, and thymus and make up the endocrine system.
One again, the brain initiates the release of stress hormones, cortisol and epinephrine, via the hypothalamus. The adrenals, located near the kidneys, produces cortisol and epinephrine; this heightens the body’s stress awareness levels.
The liver produces glucose during the abov-ementioned process, which would generally provide aid during fight or flight mode. However, this excess blood sugar could lead to Type 2 diabetes in vulnerable demographics, including the obese and some races (e.g. Native Americans).
Managing stress is important to maintaining a normal blood sugar level – and potentially avoiding diabetes in certain situations.
7. Integumentary System
This system includes the hair, nails, and skin. The integumentary system plays an important role in maintaining the body’s equilibrium, “including protection, temperature regulation, sensory reception, biochemical synthesis, and (nutrient) absorption.”
For the integumentary system to function properly, other internal systems must also be maintained. Stress disrupts the systematic operation of this system, which can result in decreased blood flow to the skin, skin inelasticity, destabilization of glandular functions, and disrupt tissue restoration.
8. Digestive System
The digestive system includes primary organs – the esophagus, stomach, small and large intestines; and accessory organs – the rectum, appendix, gallbladder and pancreas.
Consuming more food, alcohol, and nicotine can result in acid reflux or heartburn – a common problem for those with chronic stress. Stress also increases stomach sensitivity, which can worsen the symptoms mentioned above.
Chronic stress may lead to severe stomach pain, ulcers, and other conditions such as irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).
Ways to combat stress!
Learning how to properly manage stress is essential to both preventing and treating any real or potential medical conditions. Below are some effective methods of stress reduction according to the University of Maryland Medical Center (UMMC).
- Lifestyle changes: stress reduction and positive changes to one’s lifestyle are inseparable. Improving overall health and ability to manage stress is often accomplished through getting regular exercise, eating a well-balanced diet, and avoid excessive consumption of alcohol, caffeine, and tobacco.
- Relaxation methods: UMMC is an academic institution with an acute focus on relaxation methods and alternative therapies. Some of their recommendations include: acupuncture, deep breathing, meditation, muscle relaxation, massage therapy, and biofeedback.
- Herbal remedies: These include aromatherapy, consumption of valerian – an herb with sedative qualities, and use of kava – a root that has been effective in reducing anxiety and stress.
(Note: herbal therapies are not well-tolerated by all. Depending on past and current medical history; herbs, supplements, and other homeopathic medications may cause serious side effects. As with any type of treatment – holistic or prescriptive – it is advisable to consult with a physician or schedule a physical examination.)
© Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
Friday, March 24, 2017
In other words, the comebacks will make you come back again for more.
Don't Worry, Be Happy
Too bad Facebook doesn’t have spellcheck.
Then again, we would miss out on all of this fun.
Well, nobody’s perfect.
A Beautiful Thing
We are all so very grateful.
You might think you’re smarter than the teacher, but you would be thinking wrong.
What a Weenie
Maybe he really did mean what he said and simply has no shame…or much of anything else.
The Little Things
At least he was a good sport about it.
Food for Thought
Point goes to pizza!
Commas are very important, especially if you’re passive-aggressively calling out your absent parent, apparently.
Buy a Vowel
Don’t waste your breath with this one.
It’s best to just move on.
I don’t think they know how that taxi thing works.
Make a snarky statement, get a snarky reply.
Coming Right Up
And the winner is…Shann!
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
Even mom’s turning on him now.
You might want to look into a different profession.
That Escalated Quickly
That sounds like something one should discuss in therapy.
Well, faith comes in all forms.
And with just one or two shots, so can you!
Maybe you should take some better notes when at school…unless you’re into some really weird crap — literally.
Someone put a lot of thought into that one.
Totally worth it.
Please don’t look in the folder titled, “Tax information.”
It’s never tax information.
New York, New York
Geography is hard.
Mapping It Out
Just a friendly suggestion.
A Low Note
Or they just like posing with instruments, but I would go with the former.
Shake It Off
Look for that on her next album.
We’re never, ever getting back together…
That would most certainly change the world, or at least the avocado population.
There’s a reason he’s the boyfriend.
Size doesn’t always matter.
And if it lasts more than four hours, be sure to call your doctor.
They really are just the best.
Courtesy of 22 Words