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Saturday, March 4, 2017

Destroying Your Spouse

Two interesting articles were posted separately…but they are similiar enough that I thought I’d post them together…

5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your wife and killing your marriage 

What you don't know CAN hurt you. These five things are hurting your wife and killing your marriage.

It's tough being a man these days. Modern men are expected to be sensitive, caring and in tune with their feelings; while at the same time they're still expected to be strong, protectors and able to fix anything that breaks. Men can't be too sensitive or they're not being good enough protectors. On the other hand, they can't be too protective or else they're not being sensitive enough.
As men, we try to navigate this balance between being caring and being strong. And because it can be such a fine line, there are a lot of times we fail. And there are things we do that are hurting our wives and killing our marriages. Here are five:
1. Not providing the basics for the family
As a man, it is your responsibility to provide for your family, regardless of whether or not your wife works. Sometimes this means working a few overtime shifts so your kids can sign up for that baseball league. And sometimes this means biting your lip when your boss is being a jerk because you need the stability for your family. But it makes it all worth it when you come home at night and see the smiles on everyone's face. 

2. Pessimism
Ever since you were a kid, you were taught to, "Man up," and, "Don't cry," just to accept the fact that bad things just happen in life. While this is good advice sometimes, your wife also needs you to be an optimist. Your relationship will need to rally from all kinds of challenges, failures, hurt feelings and health problems. Your wife doesn't need someone to tell her to stop crying, she needs a shoulder to cry on.
3. Withholding physical affection
Yes, men do this, too. Physical affection is more than just sex. It includes giving her hugs before you leave for work, holding her hand in the aisle at the grocery store and pulling her close to you when you're watching a movie on the couch together. If you're withholding these things from her, you're withholding physical affection that she thrives on. The affection you try to show inside the bedroom will never make up for the physical affection you show her outside the bedroom. 

4. Putting other things first
Of the hundreds of girls you knew and dozens that you dated, your wife was the one you picked to spend the rest of your life with. She needs to know that you still pick her. Every time you check your smartphone when you're out together or every time you come home late from work without calling you're sending her a message that she's not important to you. Consequently, she wonders if you still care about her as much as when you first got married.
Your work is important, but don't forget what you're working for. Remember that there's nothing on your phone that's more important than what's going on right around you.
5. Not speaking her language
Women need to know they are loved and that you are grateful for her. You think you're showing love by going to work every day and bringing home a paycheck, so most of the time you don't do much more than that (except maybe on Valentine's Day).
But, she needs more than that to see your love and she needs you to show her that you're doing it all for her. So take a little extra time and do something special. Send her a couple texts during the day or bring her home some flowers from the grocery store. You might be surprised at the reaction you get.

5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage

You might be surprised to figure out you are doing these five destructive things that will ultimately ruin your relationship with your spouse.

 When I got married, I was amazed at the instant, overwhelming sense of responsibility I felt to love and care for my husband. Suddenly, a huge part of someone else's well-being and happiness was largely affected by my choices and actions.
Women, we need to be careful about how we are caring for our husbands and marriages. Don't let the small stuff ruin the things that will bring you the greatest happiness in life.
Here are just a few ways you might be unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage (as a caveat, please understand that although this article is directed toward women, it applies to men as well):
1. Living outside of what you can afford
A wise old woman from my church congregation once advised: "The best thing you can do as a wife is to live within your husband's means."
Wives, show sincere appreciation and respect to your husband by carefully following a budget and making the most of what you have. Be wise about your finances.
Constantly complaining about not having enough to fulfill your lavish desires or racking up astronomical amounts of debt on your credit card is a poor way of saying "thank you" to a faithful spouse who works hard every day to provide for the family.
Yes, you may not have enough to buy that Kate Spade bag you've had your eyes on for months, but your husband will love and appreciate the fact that you honor him and are grateful for what he provides.
2. Constant negativity
You hate your hair, the messes around the house, the neighbor across the street, your dumb co-worker, the old dishwasher, and everything in between. As soon as your husband walks through the door, you launch into action and dump every negative and angry thought that's crossed your mind throughout the day.
Can you imagine having to carry that burden? Negativity is draining. Men like to fix things, and constantly being hounded with complaints makes it difficult for him to help solve your pains.
If there is one thing I've learned from marriage is that a good man wants you to be happy, and if he can't help you do that, it makes him unhappy. It's okay to have a bad day once in a while, that's totally understandable, but don't make it a way of life.
3. Putting everything else first
When your children, mom, best friends, talents, or career in front of your husband, you send a clear message to him that he is unimportant. Imagine having that message sent to you every day for many years. What would that do to your self esteem?
Put your husband first.
Although it sometimes seems counter-intuitive and counterproductive, I think you'd be amazed to find that it's often the key to the greatest happiness in marriage. So many couples get divorced these days, because they neglect to care and love one another and put each other first.  If you choose to put each other first, you will find a lot of joy. 

4. Withholding physical affection
Men crave and need physical affection with their wives. When you constantly decline intimacy, it wears on them.
Sex should not be used as a tool to control your spouse; it should be viewed as a sacred tool to draw you closer to one another and to God.
It is a great blessing to be wanted and needed by a loving, romantic husband who wants to share something so beautiful and important with you -- and you only. Even though you might not always be in the mood, it's worth it to give in (when you can) and spend that time bonding.
5. Not speaking his language
Women love to drop hints. (I think it's part of our DNA.) But men just don't get them. (I think that is a part of their DNA.)
Don't waste your time giving subtle hints that he won't understand: Speak plainly to him. Be honest about your feelings, and don't bottle things up until you burst. If he asks you what's wrong, don't respond with "nothing" and then expect him to read your mind and emotions. Be open about how you really feel.
Courtesy of familyshare
So what do you think?


  1. Interesting articles Cat, I think they make some good points, Thank you for sharing.


    1. You're welcome, Roz...I love sharing thought-provoking articles. :)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

  2. Fabulous article Cat. Love reading all these things you're finding. I must admit I've said 'nothing' when asked what's wrong.

    Hugs Lindy xx

    1. Happy you enjoyed these, Lindy. I've been guilty of that 'nothing' answer also.

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

  3. Some might say this advice is a bit old-fashioned, but there is a lot of truth in these messages. Some might also say that ttwd is an old-fashioned relationship. But it has brought a level of happiness to us both in a way I never thought possible. We will never be perfect at this, but we get better every day.

    Very thoughtful post, Cat. Thanks as always.

    1. I agree, Ella...the advice in these two articles is considered old fashioned but as you pointed out...ttwd is also considered old fashioned. Personally, I think much of the problem with many relationships is that they are all based on what's in it for me rather than what's best for us.

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

  4. Life is complicated these days, however sometimes when you get down to it, we haven't changed that much. The good thing is that most of us have learned which traditional things work for each of us and which don't. Old fashioned can be good, if it's about listening and respecting each other.

    1. You got that right, Minelle. I think that many people throw out the baby with the bathwater when trying to 'modernize' their relationships. I agree, listening and respecting along with trusting are critical for a good relationship.

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

  5. Cat:

    Words of wisdom and oh so true!!


    1. Happy you agree, Rick. :)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

  6. Check on one: did for some years extra work in weekends, until we needed it so much anymore;
    Check on two: I never tell her to stop crying, but I do have a listening ear for her;
    Check on three: we often fall asleep with our hands together.
    Four: Needs working on, often I am so busy I simply forget
    Five: Is better than it used to be, but if I am honest there is some work in that department...

    Thank you,

    1. Overall, you're doing very well, Han! Yes, of course you're not perfect and I'm sure you can improve in areas...just as we all can but I think Wanita is a very lucky lady.

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

  7. Gosh these are quite eye opening but I can see how over time they would cause harm.

    1. Oh yes, Daisy...I agree, I can also see how these can cause harm over time.

      Hugs and blessings...Cat


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