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Tuesday, August 22, 2017
Irving not very fond of the idea, but being Morris' lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed.
After services, he struck up a conversation with the rabbi asking him all sorts of stupid questions in an effort to keep him occupied.
After some time, the wise rabbi became suspicious and asked, "Irving what are you really up to with all this?"
Irving, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse, confessed to the rabbi "I'm sorry Rabbi, my friend Morris is sleeping with your wife right now and asked me to keep you occupied."
The wise rabbi smiled and, putting a brotherly hand on Irving's shoulder, said "Irving I think you'd better hurry home—my wife died two years ago!"
Monday, August 21, 2017
A Johannesburg, South Africa filling station has become quite a landmark in Gauteng with its daily #PetrolPumpWisdom – uplifting quotes written on a chalkboard.
Some motorists say they deliberately travel this route just to read the quote which brightens their day!!
Here's a selection:
She told SA People: "We inherited the board from the previous owner, Dick Hutton, when we bought the filling station from him almost 20 years ago."
"We continued the tradition and it has become a landmark – more so now that it's on social media!"
"Not a day goes by when I don't get a call or a visit from someone to tell me how much they appreciate the message – it seems that every day there's something that just speaks to what is going on in someone's life and that inspires or motivates them."
"Having people come and tell me their stories and how the quote helped them in some small way is what motivates me to keep writing!"
"We use a variety of quotations – some are topical, some are funny, some are inspirational,
some even reflect what is going on in my life that day!"
"Different things appeal to different people…"
"The boards were spotted by a motivational speaker from the UK, Geoff Ramm, when he was driving by one day and he was so taken by them he included a piece about them in his book!"
"The boards have appeared many times in newspapers and magazines and been spoken about on radio stations all over the world. 9GAG has re-tweeted them a few times too!"
Bob 95 FM in the USA recently posted Alison's "Rest in Peace" quote which has now been shared over a quarter of a million times around the world!"
Sunday, August 20, 2017
They both see two dogs going at it on a lawn. One guy, who's married, looks at the other and says, "Geez, I'd give anything to do it to my wife like that."
The other, a single guy, says, "Heck, that's easy. Just feed her three martinis."
The same two guys are riding the bus to work the next morning.
The single one asks the other, "Well, did you get her to do it?"
The married guy replies, "Yes, but it took SIX martinis."
"Six martinis! How come so many?"
"Hell, it took three just to get her out on the lawn."
Saturday, August 19, 2017
I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they are gone from your life.
I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a life.
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.
I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch - holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. .
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. 👍👍
Wednesday, August 16, 2017
Tuesday, August 15, 2017
When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one.
As she lifted one little guy, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the 4th grade."
"No, ma'am," he replied. "I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help. 😄
Monday, August 14, 2017
Tom wanted two things:
To learn how to invest his inheritance
To find a wife to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars. "
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.
Two weeks later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
Sunday, August 13, 2017
After a long day working on the Ranchero, I stopped in at Hooter's to see some friends and have some hot Wings and ice tea.
Saturday, August 12, 2017
in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting E.coli.
soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.
liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked.
a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.