Olaf Swenson,out in his pasture in northern Minnesota ,took a lightning-quick kick from a cow...right in his crotch.
Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said: "How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance, Lena, is still a Virgin -- in every vay."
The doctor told him, "Olaf, I'll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal, and keep it straight. It should be okay next week, but leave it on dere as long as you can."
He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together…quite an impressive work of art.
Olaf mentioned none of this to Lena, married her, and they went on their honeymoon to Duluth .
That night in the Motel 6, Lena ripped open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts.
She said: "Olaf...you're the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez."
Olof immediately dropped his pants and replied: "Look at dis Lena ... still in DA CRATE!"