Showing posts with label Facebook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Facebook. Show all posts
Thursday, January 10, 2019
Saturday, March 17, 2018
Pussy Willows
Liked this so much that along with sharing it on Facebook, I decided to share it here also...
Tuesday, December 5, 2017
Retirees’
Shared by a dear friend on Facebook…just had to share it here. Enjoy!
One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally retirees' behaviour that was going on...
So He called His angels and sent one to earth for a time.
When the angel returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on earth; 95% of retirees are misbehaving and only 5% are not.'
God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.'
So God called another angel and sent her to earth for a time.
When angel returned, she went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The earth is in decline; 95% of retirees are misbehaving, but 5% are being good...'
God was not pleased.
So He decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because He wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?
Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.
One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally retirees' behaviour that was going on...
So He called His angels and sent one to earth for a time.
When the angel returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on earth; 95% of retirees are misbehaving and only 5% are not.'
God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.'
So God called another angel and sent her to earth for a time.
When angel returned, she went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The earth is in decline; 95% of retirees are misbehaving, but 5% are being good...'
God was not pleased.
So He decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because He wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?
Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.
Sunday, September 17, 2017
Mouse in the House
Found this on Facebook and just had to share! 
Okay so I've been debating whether to post this because I'm convinced people will think I'm an incapable human being at life and adulthood but I've figured they're right and I may as well.
Today I saw a mouse in my sons room.
A mouse.
Stewart Little has decided to come in my house and set up camp near my sons drawers. (Not his pants American people, his clothes drawer thing)
I saw it and I froze
And it was the kinda freeze that you feel like you shouldn't even breathe. Where your air escapes your lungs.
I'm trying to find my pulse again when my daughter decided to strut into the room with her toddler swag and I screamed no! And it wasn't just any no. It was the loudest noooooooooooooooooooooo I've ever made in my life.
So I shut the door and I leave little Jerry (Tom's mate) to his own devices.
I decided to call my husband because there's a mouse in the house, and when there is a mouse in the house other than blow torching the house down there isn't much in the way of rational thinking.
He answers the phone and I say "mouse" I stutter because I'm fucking terrified. This is no Mickey Mouse okay. This is ratatouille but smaller and he isn't making some delicious soup, he's gonna spray out pebble poo and make babies everywhere and in my sons ears and they'll crawl in my mouth... mouse in my mouth!!!
"Huh?" He says
"Mouse in house" I say still shaken
"Cat in hat" he replies.
"No babe, there's a mouse in Luca's room! You need to come home NOW and take it outside!"
"Oh Bub you just take it outside, or just kill it"
"Kill it???"
Obviously this guy hasn't seen the movie 'Witches' where the witch turns into a mouse after eating soup and gets stomped on by the chef and green pus sprays out.
"There are children in the house, your children. You need to come here. I can't save them"
He laughs. He thinks I'm joking.
This face isn't joking. This face is scared that this mouse is going to radio the rescuers and call his other mice friends to come and have a pebble poo party orgy. NOT ON MY WATCH MOUSE. Not on my watch.
But of course he can't see my face because he's on the phone.
"Okay I'm being serious there's a mouse in the house and I'm FREAKING THE F OUT" I actually did swear but I'll try and be cool in the post. Pretty sure I called the mouse the C word.
"Where is it?" He asks
"In Luca's room"
"Where?"
"I dunno I'll open the door"
I open the door so slowly...inch by inch in snail speed, so slow that I can hear my husband asking if I'm still there. Lol
And it's there. In the same spot.
"It's dead!!!!!" I shut the door.
Oh my lord the mouse is dead. I have a DEAD mouse in my house. I start to cry a little bit
"It's dead... it never had a chance to live its life"
"Babe just go scoop it up with a piece of paper and put it in the bin. I have to go to a meeting"
So I hung up on him. Because obviously I'm alone in this. I'm alone and I need to be the brave one... so I take a couple of swigs of whiskey and say "okay Laura, today is the day you will fight your biggest fear in life and remove a dead mouse from your house"
I said this about 10 times in the mirror before and slapped myself a few times before I bolted down the door and went charging in like a knight in shining armour with a piece of paper screaming like the warrior woman I am and charge up onto this dead mouse in my house and I realise ...
I realise it's not a mouse.
No, not a mouse at all...
It's a tiny leopard...
A tiny toy leopard.
I nod to myself and say "we shall never tell a soul about this"
My husband got home 4 hours later and asked me how I went...."I said mate, I handled that shit"
Well now the mouse is outta the bag...
Pic of the bastard in comments.
Okay so I've been debating whether to post this because I'm convinced people will think I'm an incapable human being at life and adulthood but I've figured they're right and I may as well.
Today I saw a mouse in my sons room.
A mouse.
Stewart Little has decided to come in my house and set up camp near my sons drawers. (Not his pants American people, his clothes drawer thing)
I saw it and I froze
And it was the kinda freeze that you feel like you shouldn't even breathe. Where your air escapes your lungs.
I'm trying to find my pulse again when my daughter decided to strut into the room with her toddler swag and I screamed no! And it wasn't just any no. It was the loudest noooooooooooooooooooooo I've ever made in my life.
So I shut the door and I leave little Jerry (Tom's mate) to his own devices.
I decided to call my husband because there's a mouse in the house, and when there is a mouse in the house other than blow torching the house down there isn't much in the way of rational thinking.
He answers the phone and I say "mouse" I stutter because I'm fucking terrified. This is no Mickey Mouse okay. This is ratatouille but smaller and he isn't making some delicious soup, he's gonna spray out pebble poo and make babies everywhere and in my sons ears and they'll crawl in my mouth... mouse in my mouth!!!
"Huh?" He says
"Mouse in house" I say still shaken
"Cat in hat" he replies.
"No babe, there's a mouse in Luca's room! You need to come home NOW and take it outside!"
"Oh Bub you just take it outside, or just kill it"
"Kill it???"
Obviously this guy hasn't seen the movie 'Witches' where the witch turns into a mouse after eating soup and gets stomped on by the chef and green pus sprays out.
"There are children in the house, your children. You need to come here. I can't save them"
He laughs. He thinks I'm joking.
This face isn't joking. This face is scared that this mouse is going to radio the rescuers and call his other mice friends to come and have a pebble poo party orgy. NOT ON MY WATCH MOUSE. Not on my watch.
But of course he can't see my face because he's on the phone.
"Okay I'm being serious there's a mouse in the house and I'm FREAKING THE F OUT" I actually did swear but I'll try and be cool in the post. Pretty sure I called the mouse the C word.
"Where is it?" He asks
"In Luca's room"
"Where?"
"I dunno I'll open the door"
I open the door so slowly...inch by inch in snail speed, so slow that I can hear my husband asking if I'm still there. Lol
And it's there. In the same spot.
"It's dead!!!!!" I shut the door.
Oh my lord the mouse is dead. I have a DEAD mouse in my house. I start to cry a little bit
"It's dead... it never had a chance to live its life"
"Babe just go scoop it up with a piece of paper and put it in the bin. I have to go to a meeting"
So I hung up on him. Because obviously I'm alone in this. I'm alone and I need to be the brave one... so I take a couple of swigs of whiskey and say "okay Laura, today is the day you will fight your biggest fear in life and remove a dead mouse from your house"
I said this about 10 times in the mirror before and slapped myself a few times before I bolted down the door and went charging in like a knight in shining armour with a piece of paper screaming like the warrior woman I am and charge up onto this dead mouse in my house and I realise ...
I realise it's not a mouse.
No, not a mouse at all...
It's a tiny leopard...
A tiny toy leopard.
I nod to myself and say "we shall never tell a soul about this"
My husband got home 4 hours later and asked me how I went...."I said mate, I handled that shit"
Well now the mouse is outta the bag...
Pic of the bastard in comments.
Courtesy of Laura Mazza - Mum on the Run
Friday, March 24, 2017
Facebook Replies
For better or worse, pretty much everyone from your friends to your parents are on Facebook. And while you might unfollow some of them for their stupid posts, there are others who instead craft the most absolutely perfect response that you can't help but "like."
In other words, the comebacks will make you come back again for more.
Don't Worry, Be Happy
Too bad Facebook doesn’t have spellcheck.
Then again, we would miss out on all of this fun.
RIP
Well, nobody’s perfect.
A Beautiful Thing
We are all so very grateful.
Just Browsing
BUSTED!
Teacher's Pet
You might think you’re smarter than the teacher, but you would be thinking wrong.
What a Weenie
Maybe he really did mean what he said and simply has no shame…or much of anything else.
The Little Things
At least he was a good sport about it.
Food for Thought
Point goes to pizza!
Daddy Issues
Commas are very important, especially if you’re passive-aggressively calling out your absent parent, apparently.
Buy a Vowel
Don’t waste your breath with this one.
It’s best to just move on.
Hail, Hail!
I don’t think they know how that taxi thing works.
True Love
Make a snarky statement, get a snarky reply.
Coming Right Up
And the winner is…Shann!
Sibling Rivalry
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
Mommy Dearest
Great.
Even mom’s turning on him now.
DOA
You might want to look into a different profession.
That Escalated Quickly
That sounds like something one should discuss in therapy.
Amen
Well, faith comes in all forms.
Bottom's Up
And with just one or two shots, so can you!
Grammar Matters
Maybe you should take some better notes when at school…unless you’re into some really weird crap — literally.
Game On
Someone put a lot of thought into that one.
Totally worth it.
Just Browsing
Please don’t look in the folder titled, “Tax information.”
It’s never tax information.
New York, New York
That’s okay.
Geography is hard.
Mapping It Out
Just a friendly suggestion.
A Low Note
Or they just like posing with instruments, but I would go with the former.
Shake It Off
Look for that on her next album.
We’re never, ever getting back together…
Go Guac!
That would most certainly change the world, or at least the avocado population.
Roid Rage
There’s a reason he’s the boyfriend.
Size doesn’t always matter.
TMI
And if it lasts more than four hours, be sure to call your doctor.
Family Ties
They really are just the best.
Courtesy of 22 Words
In other words, the comebacks will make you come back again for more.
Don't Worry, Be Happy
Too bad Facebook doesn’t have spellcheck.
Then again, we would miss out on all of this fun.
RIP
Well, nobody’s perfect.
A Beautiful Thing
We are all so very grateful.
Just Browsing
BUSTED!
Teacher's Pet
You might think you’re smarter than the teacher, but you would be thinking wrong.
What a Weenie
Maybe he really did mean what he said and simply has no shame…or much of anything else.
The Little Things
At least he was a good sport about it.
Food for Thought
Point goes to pizza!
Daddy Issues
Commas are very important, especially if you’re passive-aggressively calling out your absent parent, apparently.
Buy a Vowel
Don’t waste your breath with this one.
It’s best to just move on.
Hail, Hail!
I don’t think they know how that taxi thing works.
True Love
Make a snarky statement, get a snarky reply.
Coming Right Up
And the winner is…Shann!
Sibling Rivalry
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
Mommy Dearest
Great.
Even mom’s turning on him now.
DOA
You might want to look into a different profession.
That Escalated Quickly
That sounds like something one should discuss in therapy.
Amen
Well, faith comes in all forms.
Bottom's Up
And with just one or two shots, so can you!
Grammar Matters
Maybe you should take some better notes when at school…unless you’re into some really weird crap — literally.
Game On
Someone put a lot of thought into that one.
Totally worth it.
Just Browsing
Please don’t look in the folder titled, “Tax information.”
It’s never tax information.
New York, New York
That’s okay.
Geography is hard.
Mapping It Out
Just a friendly suggestion.
A Low Note
Or they just like posing with instruments, but I would go with the former.
Shake It Off
Look for that on her next album.
We’re never, ever getting back together…
Go Guac!
That would most certainly change the world, or at least the avocado population.
Roid Rage
There’s a reason he’s the boyfriend.
Size doesn’t always matter.
TMI
And if it lasts more than four hours, be sure to call your doctor.
Family Ties
They really are just the best.
Courtesy of 22 Words
Tuesday, November 1, 2016
Skillet Cornbread
Received a Facebook IM from my oldest son requesting some recipes…his message in part reads “Stat Mom... Mother f*cking stat!!! It's an emergency... DIL hasn't been properly Southernized in the past decade and I take full responsibility... please help Mom?” 
After I picked myself up off the floor and dried my eyes from laughing so hard, I started searching cookbooks.
Since I haven’t shared a recipe lately and had to write them up for son and DIL, thought I’d share one with all y’all.
Ingredients
After I picked myself up off the floor and dried my eyes from laughing so hard, I started searching cookbooks.
Since I haven’t shared a recipe lately and had to write them up for son and DIL, thought I’d share one with all y’all.
Ingredients
- 1 cup yellow corn meal
- 1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
- ½ cup flour
- ¾ teaspoon salt
- 1 tablespoon sugar
- ¼ cup melted butter
- 2 large eggs
- 1 cup milk
- Add all ingredients to bowl and beat briskly until well blended
- Pour half of mixture into greased 8 or 9 inch skillet
- Brown over medium heat for 8 to 10 minutes
- Turn and brown the other side
- Repeat with remaining mixture
- Cut into wedges
- Top with pats of butter while hot
- A lot of times, I used evaporated milk instead of regular milk
- The recipe claims it serves 4 – Ha! That’s only 2 wedges per person and with my guys…not nearly enough! I always had to make a double sometimes triple batch.
- Best served hot
- Usually placed the finished wedges in a warm oven while making the others
Friday, October 14, 2016
Ridiculous Status Updates
15 Ridiculous Status Updates That Should Have Never Been Posted
We have to share this world with billions of other people and not all of them are going to achieve the same status as others. That is especially true when it comes to status updates, and you will be amazed with what some people are posting to twitter, Facebook and to their friends via text message.
When you see the following 15 status updates, you may just be concerned about the future of mankind. Some of them are a problem with spellcheck but others are just a problem with a lack of knowledge. Not only are they going to make you laugh, they will make you feel a lot smarter as well.
1. Seems perfectly logical
2. Maybe you should talk to Barry
3. Okay then
4. A mathematical genius
5. Do you even remember the 90s?
6. What are they?
7. Time to surrender your license
8. Doesn’t sound appetizing
9. RIP to your hair
10. They might judge your spelling
11. You should call tech support
12. Uh, yeah
13. Don’t forget your map
14. What an amazing resemblance
15. 4th
We have to share this world with billions of other people and not all of them are going to achieve the same status as others. That is especially true when it comes to status updates, and you will be amazed with what some people are posting to twitter, Facebook and to their friends via text message.
When you see the following 15 status updates, you may just be concerned about the future of mankind. Some of them are a problem with spellcheck but others are just a problem with a lack of knowledge. Not only are they going to make you laugh, they will make you feel a lot smarter as well.
1. Seems perfectly logical
2. Maybe you should talk to Barry
3. Okay then
4. A mathematical genius
5. Do you even remember the 90s?
6. What are they?
7. Time to surrender your license
8. Doesn’t sound appetizing
9. RIP to your hair
10. They might judge your spelling
11. You should call tech support
12. Uh, yeah
13. Don’t forget your map
14. What an amazing resemblance
15. 4th
Courtesy of ViralSlot
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