Childbirth: Questions & Answers

This has been around for ages but I enjoyed seeing it again so thought I would share.   If you are a mother, you may identify with some or all of these…depending on the age of your child. 

If you do not have children, and intend to have them, you may want to skip this post and come back another day…

Go ahead…I’ll wait…

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Ok, if you are still here…

Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.

Q. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after finishing high school.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A. Childbirth.

Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.A. So what’s your question?

Q. How long is the average woman in labor?
A. Whatever she says, divided by two. This answer was definitely written by a man!
 
Q. My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. This instructor has never given birth or has a very bad memory!
 
Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word “alimony" means anything to you.

Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.

Q. Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for. Go for it!
 
Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.

Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby’s mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife act normal again?
A. When your child is in college.

Courtesy of Anyone Can Be Cool, But Awesome Takes Practice

Hope this gave you a bit of a giggle.