My Life

For those of you who have been lucky enough to find a special someone, thank the good Lord or whatever deity you pray to every day you have that person in your life.
 
 
Just to set the record straight, I do know what extreme mental and physical abuse is.  Without going into details, when I was very young, I got involved with a man that nearly cost me my life.  I came out of that relationship suffering from malnutrition and vitamin deficiency, and spent 3 months on strict bed rest; feeling very shaky, insecure, needy and bad about myself.
 
After another bad relationship, I met a strong, self-confident man who made me feel good about myself and married him. I then spent the next 18 years in a TTWD marriage.  I refer to it as TTWD because even though it started out as It started out as DD, it didn't stay there. Of course, at that time, I had no clue what TTWD, DD, M/s, BDSM (that was only sadists in porno's ), or anything else was.

We hadn't been married very long when we had much more than a disagreement as we had a few times before, we had all out WAR.  I have a temper, do know how to use it, and use it I did! The next thing I knew, I was OTK and my bottom was on fire while I received a lecture on how to disagree respectfully, how to discuss respectfully, how to speak to my husband... yup, respectfully...You get the idea...
 
Over the next several years, I felt his hand, paddle and belt more than a few times but we were happy and after a spanking, all was forgiven.
 
Unfortunately, we hit an extremely bad time and everything went to H E double hockey sticks in a barrel.    I got very sick and nearly died.  Soon after that, we lost our home, a few weeks later…my aunt died, a year later…my dad died, 6 weeks later…my uncle died, 6 months later…another home lost along with most of our belongs (this time due to flooding).  Instead of stepping up, he checked out. He started drinking more (had always drank more than I was happy with) and staying out late and/or all night.  Our income went down, I worried about having enough money to feed my children, not to mention paying essential bills such as electricity, gas, etc..
 
Things just went from bad to worse and DD changed to something else…This Thing He Did TTHD for lack of a better term. I received spankings whenever he was angry, wanted sex, discouraged, whatever with no lecture, love, comfort, etc.  Out of nowhere, I was regularly accused of cheating on him (NEVER), sometimes in front of my youngest! Basically, in my opinion, it became an abusive (verbal and physical) relationship.  I tried to make it work and begged for us to go for counseling – not happening – real men don’t go talk to strangers about their wives problems ya know.   I filed for divorce the day after he raised a fist to my youngest and when I jumped between them, was told he could knock me out with one punch.  Goodbye…
 
Found out later that through all the accusations, he was cheating on me and in addition to heavy drinking, he was using drugs…yes, he admitted all including the fact that he spent thousands of dollars on the drinking, drugs, and other women while I struggled to feed and clothe the boys.     We have gotten past all that, I have forgiven him and  we have become friends again.  He wants more but I cannot and will not ever trust him with my heart, soul, and body again.

Several years ago, I met a wonderful man.  I was willing to be friends with him but didn’t want more due to everything that had happened with my ex and a relationship after him. I couldn’t believe that anyone would find me attractive or truly want me.  I felt ugly, unattractive, hideous, revolting, repulsive, fat, etc. 
 
Matthew was so patient, attentive and yes, loving but he would not tolerate me using any negative about myself.  My first spanking from him was when he caught me describing myself as homely.  Ummm…Did I have a stamp on my forehead that said “Spank Me”?!?   

Yes, he believed in what he called “Traditional Marriage” which included spanking.  In fact, his entire family…grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and 5 out of his 6 siblings also practiced TM.  They were a wonderful family and not only did I fall in love with Matthew, I fell in love with the entire crew. 
 
Christmas Eve of 2011, Matthew asked me to marry him and I said yes.  I was so excited to start this new chapter of my life with such a wonderful man.
 
Matthew’s family all gathered once a year for a family reunion/TM values getaway and I had been invited to join them.  We were due to leave late in the evening on the 28th of December 2011.
 
The day after Christmas, I knew I had contracted a nasty ear infection and went to the doctor to get antibiotics and decongestants that would allow me to fly.  Unfortunately, the doctor told me that there was no way I could fly with the type of infection I had.  I desperately wanted to attend so when Matthew asked what the doctor had said, I lied and said that if I took my antibiotics and lots of decongestants, I could fly with no problem.  (not my proudest moment )
 
The morning of the 28th,  Matthew had a few questions on how to best care for me and called the doctor to get clarification. Oops…
 
That was the worst spanking I had ever received from Matthew and involved his hand and several implements including his thick leather belt.  My bottom was still burning as I stood with Karen (the only other member who couldn’t go due to a new job) and waved goodbye.
 
That was also the last spanking I received from Matthew.  The entire family was lost when their plane went down as they were returning home.  The only survivors of the family were me, Karen and one brother who had rejected the TM lifestyle.
 
Karen and I clung together for a while until she got involved and started living with a man who was part of a “church” based on Mr. LovingDD's ALDD book. I was disturbed when I visited them one time and he proceeded to spank her bare bottom in front of me and several male guests. When I objected, her boyfriend threatened to spank me to which I informed him that if he touched me, I would press charges.  Karen stepped in and apologized insisting that since her ‘disobedience’ was in front of us, that her punishment should be also. While I disagreed, I was hoping it was a one-off thing and just left.
 
Then Karen invited me to attend ‘church’ service with them.  Oh dear…After the ‘sermon’, the ‘minister’ asked that all unmarried woman and all ‘special circumstances’ wives come to the front of the church.  When I didn’t immediately get up and start down to aisle, Karen’s boyfriend grabbed my arm and dragged me up to the front.  The first woman was a ‘special circumstances’ wife who the husband felt deserved public punishment. While I stared in shock, she was bent over a padded saw horse and her husband held her down while the minister bared her bottom and proceeded to beat her with what I can only describe as a leather lash. I started struggling to get away from Karen’s boyfriend.  So after the woman was beaten bloody (literally), I was pulled to the front of the line and handed over to an ‘elder’.  As he and the ‘minister’ tried to pull me over to the saw horse, I kneed the minister in the ‘hurts don’t it”, punched the ‘elder’ in the throat and ran out.
 
Once I had calmed down, I started researching Mr. LovingDD and was sickened by what I discovered.  I had only witnessed the tip of the iceberg!  I called Karen when I knew her boyfriend would be at work and tried to talk to her but all I got was that I was wrong for what I did and until I presented myself at ‘church’ for ‘proper’ punishment, she was not allowed to have anything to do with me.  Karen, I love you and will miss you but goodbye…
 
The good thing that came from all of this was that during my research, I stumbled across Clint’s LDD blog and from there discovered Christina, Rogue, Lillie, Chelsea, and June. From their blogs, I discovered so many other wonderful blogs. Here was the community and friendship I had lost when I lost Matthew’s family.  I lurked for a while and finally started leaving comments here and there.  Everyone was so kind and started reaching out in friendship.  Many nights I have sat here and cried as I read the lovely, supportive, and yes funny comments that are left for my friends.
 
I am not in a DD/TTWD or any type of relationship right now so my comments are based on common sense and many years of experience (good and bad).
 
Sometimes when I read someone’s post, I wanted to share a joke or a cartoon or a poem so I decided to start a blog in order to share those things with my friends. 
 
I hope this answers everyone’s questions…probably TMI.
 
To anyone tempted to leave a nasty comment or send a rude email, I subscribe to the following…fair warning given!
 

 
Blessings,
Cat