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My Life

For those of you who have been lucky enough to find a special someone, thank the good Lord or whatever deity you pray to every day you have that person in your life.
 
 
Just to set the record straight, I do know what extreme mental and physical abuse is.  Without going into details, when I was very young, I got involved with a man that nearly cost me my life.  I came out of that relationship suffering from malnutrition and vitamin deficiency, and spent 3 months on strict bed rest; feeling very shaky, insecure, needy and bad about myself.
 
After another bad relationship, I met a strong, self-confident man who made me feel good about myself and married him. I then spent the next 18 years in a TTWD marriage.  I refer to it as TTWD because even though it started out as It started out as DD, it didn't stay there. Of course, at that time, I had no clue what TTWD, DD, M/s, BDSM (that was only sadists in porno's Smile), or anything else was.

We hadn't been married very long when we had much more than a disagreement as we had a few times before, we had all out WAR.  I have a temper, do know how to use it, and use it I did! The next thing I knew, I was OTK and my bottom was on fire while I received a lecture on how to disagree respectfully, how to discuss respectfully, how to speak to my husband... yup, respectfully...You get the idea... Winking smile
 
Over the next several years, I felt his hand, paddle and belt more than a few times but we were happy and after a spanking, all was forgiven.
 
Unfortunately, we hit an extremely bad time and everything went to H E double hockey sticks in a barrel. Sad smile   I got very sick and nearly died.  Soon after that, we lost our home, a few weeks later…my aunt died, a year later…my dad died, 6 weeks later…my uncle died, 6 months later…another home lost along with most of our belongs (this time due to flooding).  Instead of stepping up, he checked out. He started drinking more (had always drank more than I was happy with) and staying out late and/or all night.  Our income went down, I worried about having enough money to feed my children, not to mention paying essential bills such as electricity, gas, etc..
 
Things just went from bad to worse and DD changed to something else…This Thing He Did TTHD for lack of a better term. I received spankings whenever he was angry, wanted sex, discouraged, whatever with no lecture, love, comfort, etc.  Out of nowhere, I was regularly accused of cheating on him (NEVER), sometimes in front of my youngest! Basically, in my opinion, it became an abusive (verbal and physical) relationship.  I tried to make it work and begged for us to go for counseling – not happening – real men don’t go talk to strangers about their wives problems ya know.   I filed for divorce the day after he raised a fist to my youngest and when I jumped between them, was told he could knock me out with one punch.  Goodbye…
 
Found out later that through all the accusations, he was cheating on me and in addition to heavy drinking, he was using drugs…yes, he admitted all including the fact that he spent thousands of dollars on the drinking, drugs, and other women while I struggled to feed and clothe the boysSad smile   We have gotten past all that, I have forgiven him and  we have become friends again.  He wants more but I cannot and will not ever trust him with my heart, soul, and body again.

Several years ago, I met a wonderful man.  I was willing to be friends with him but didn’t want more due to everything that had happened with my ex and a relationship after him. I couldn’t believe that anyone would find me attractive or truly want me.  I felt ugly, unattractive, hideous, revolting, repulsive, fat, etc. 
 
Matthew was so patient, attentive and yes, loving but he would not tolerate me using any negative about myself.  My first spanking from him was when he caught me describing myself as homely.  Ummm…Did I have a stamp on my forehead that said “Spank Me”?!?   

Yes, he believed in what he called “Traditional Marriage” which included spanking.  In fact, his entire family…grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and 5 out of his 6 siblings also practiced TM.  They were a wonderful family and not only did I fall in love with Matthew, I fell in love with the entire crew. 
 
Christmas Eve of 2011, Matthew asked me to marry him and I said yes.  I was so excited to start this new chapter of my life with such a wonderful man.
 
Matthew’s family all gathered once a year for a family reunion/TM values getaway and I had been invited to join them.  We were due to leave late in the evening on the 28th of December 2011.
 
The day after Christmas, I knew I had contracted a nasty ear infection and went to the doctor to get antibiotics and decongestants that would allow me to fly.  Unfortunately, the doctor told me that there was no way I could fly with the type of infection I had.  I desperately wanted to attend so when Matthew asked what the doctor had said, I lied and said that if I took my antibiotics and lots of decongestants, I could fly with no problem.  (not my proudest moment Sad smile )
 
The morning of the 28th,  Matthew had a few questions on how to best care for me and called the doctor to get clarification. Oops…
 
That was the worst spanking I had ever received from Matthew and involved his hand and several implements including his thick leather belt.  My bottom was still burning as I stood with Karen (the only other member who couldn’t go due to a new job) and waved goodbye.
 
That was also the last spanking I received from Matthew.  The entire family was lost when their plane went down as they were returning home.  The only survivors of the family were me, Karen and one brother who had rejected the TM lifestyle.
 
Karen and I clung together for a while until she got involved and started living with a man who was part of a “church” based on Mr. LovingDD's ALDD book. I was disturbed when I visited them one time and he proceeded to spank her bare bottom in front of me and several male guests. When I objected, her boyfriend threatened to spank me to which I informed him that if he touched me, I would press charges.  Karen stepped in and apologized insisting that since her ‘disobedience’ was in front of us, that her punishment should be also. While I disagreed, I was hoping it was a one-off thing and just left.
 
Then Karen invited me to attend ‘church’ service with them.  Oh dear…After the ‘sermon’, the ‘minister’ asked that all unmarried woman and all ‘special circumstances’ wives come to the front of the church.  When I didn’t immediately get up and start down to aisle, Karen’s boyfriend grabbed my arm and dragged me up to the front.  The first woman was a ‘special circumstances’ wife who the husband felt deserved public punishment. While I stared in shock, she was bent over a padded saw horse and her husband held her down while the minister bared her bottom and proceeded to beat her with what I can only describe as a leather lash. I started struggling to get away from Karen’s boyfriend.  So after the woman was beaten bloody (literally), I was pulled to the front of the line and handed over to an ‘elder’.  As he and the ‘minister’ tried to pull me over to the saw horse, I kneed the minister in the ‘hurts don’t it”, punched the ‘elder’ in the throat and ran out.
 
Once I had calmed down, I started researching Mr. LovingDD and was sickened by what I discovered.  I had only witnessed the tip of the iceberg!  I called Karen when I knew her boyfriend would be at work and tried to talk to her but all I got was that I was wrong for what I did and until I presented myself at ‘church’ for ‘proper’ punishment, she was not allowed to have anything to do with me.  Karen, I love you and will miss you but goodbye…
 
The good thing that came from all of this was that during my research, I stumbled across Clint’s LDD blog and from there discovered Christina, Rogue, Lillie, Chelsea, and June. From their blogs, I discovered so many other wonderful blogs. Here was the community and friendship I had lost when I lost Matthew’s family.  I lurked for a while and finally started leaving comments here and there.  Everyone was so kind and started reaching out in friendship.  Many nights I have sat here and cried as I read the lovely, supportive, and yes funny comments that are left for my friends.
 
I am not in a DD/TTWD or any type of relationship right now so my comments are based on common sense and many years of experience (good and bad).
 
Sometimes when I read someone’s post, I wanted to share a joke or a cartoon or a poem so I decided to start a blog in order to share those things with my friends. 
 
I hope this answers everyone’s questions…probably TMI.
 
To anyone tempted to leave a nasty comment or send a rude email, I subscribe to the following…fair warning given!
 
you cant always control who walks into your life

 
Blessings,
Cat

64 comments:

  1. Cat, I have to say you are a wonder, especially after everything I have just read. How do you have such a positive outlook on life? blessings to you. Karina

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    1. I don't consider myself a wonder Karina but thank you for you lovely words. I have always preferred laughter to tears and the easiest way to do that is through a positive outlook. ;)

      Blessings,
      Cat

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  2. I wasn't going to read this entry after your rant because quite frankly it doesn't matter to me your past, but then I thought if you took the time to write it, I should read it.

    Cat I honestly don't know what to say.

    On one hand my heart hurts for you that you lost your love and you deserve so much happiness, on the other I am in awe of you. What life has dealt you and what you have overcome is nothing short of remarkable.

    I for one, selfishly, am glad you decided to to delurk, and befriend some of those wonderful people you mentioned, and in turn have been able to help so many, with your words of wisdom.

    If anyone knows the meaning of sending a blessing to another human being it is surly you.

    All My Love

    Willie

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    1. Awww thank you Willie for your lovely words of support. Sometimes we are lucky and sometimes we aren't but life goes on either way. I am happy I de-lurked and met so many wonderful people I can now call my friends and you definitely fall into that category!

      Love, Hugs and Blessings,
      Cat

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    2. Thank you Cat.

      I am honoured and I feel the same way about you :)

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    3. You are such a sweetie Willikins!

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  3. You may not want to publish this because I am not gifted with writing as you are but I want you to know how much I admire you after reading your life story (to this point in life). This is a clear lesson from God to tell me that I should be thankful of where I am and with what struggles I have because someone is having a tougher time than me. God is telling me to quit the pity party and be open to where He is leading us (me and my dh). May 2013 be the year that we both see good times, good friends, laughter, and love ( chocolate and wine would be nice too, :-)
    Thoughts and Prayers, Lucy

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    1. Oh sweet Lucy - your words were lovely and very much appreciated. I have my children who are healthy, my darling grands, my heath, good friends, a job, roof over my head and food in my stomach - I am much luckier than many others. God blessed me with Matthew for almost two years which is more than some have so I'll take that.

      Really like your wishes for 2013 - hopefully it will come through for all of us. Will definitely take the chocolate! :)

      Thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers.

      Hugs and Blessings,
      Cat

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  4. You're brave, and after my Daddy, one of my heroes. I love you, Cat. And I'm proud and humbled to call you my friend. You're always in my - our prayers.

    (((hugs)))
    June

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    1. Oh Junie - what a sweet, lovely thing to say. I am so very proud and humbled to call you my friend also. Thank you so much for your prayers.

      Hugs and Blessings,
      Cat

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  5. Cat....

    After reading this, all I can say is that I am in awe of you. My heart breaks for you....for all that you have endured. I wish I had better words for you....but just know you are in my prayers....and I truly value the advice you leave around blogland.

    Blessings to YOU my friend.....

    ~Lucy

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    1. Aww thank you for such lovely words Lucy. I have so much to be grateful for - family, children, grands, friends, health, work, food, and shelter - much more than many others. Thank you for your prayers - can always use those. :)

      Hugs and Blessings,
      Cat

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  6. Thank you for being you. I admire you even more after reading what you've been through. Life has given you lots of lemons and you still keep making lemonade. I am sure your boys have helped much but many others would not have handled it nearly as well.

    I hope you're with us for a long time and that you find another Matthew one of these days. Positive thoughts and hugs to you.

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    1. Awww Sunny - thank you very much for such a lovely comment. My boys, grands, family and friends have definitely helped keep me going.

      I'll be around as long as everyone wants me to be here. I'm not looking for anyone but then I wasn't looking when I met Matthew. I know he would want me to find someone - he's probably looking down and saying "good grief, would someone please beat that bottom and straighten that woman out!" :)

      Hugs and Blessings,
      Cat

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  7. My husband said that if anyone I knew read my blog, they would know it was me. I don't know really how you can respond to others without putting part of yourself in the words. I just told them, if they were reading these blogs, they are probably interested themselves in the lifestyle. I guess that's not really true if there are people just out there to bash others. I think they must live a very sad life, and probably have distanced all their family and friends with their attitudes, so now they have to annonymously go infringe on others blogs, to give themselves some kind of false sense of power or significance. All we can really do is just ignore them, and pray that God will open their eyes and ears to truth and understanding of themselves. I'm so sorry for your loss and your struggles. I'm glad that you still have people to love, and who love you. You are added to my prayers. God bless you, Belle L.

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    1. You are right Belle, most people who read any of our blogs are at least curious about the lifestyle. The only people I would not want to read my blog are my mother and boys. I really don't think they would understand based on what has happened to me in the past - other than that, really don't care who knows. I am me...

      As far as the haters go - have to wonder exactly what it is they hope to accomplish. Since I don't know them, their opinion does not matter to me so I will just feel sorry for their miserable lives and ignore their garbage.

      Thank you for such a sweet message Belle. Thank you also for the prayers - I can always use more of those and they are very much appreciated.

      Blessings,
      Cat

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  8. You are a blessing to all of us who know you. Courage... such magnificent valor... Know you are loved and respected.

    Dana

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    1. Awww Dana - thank you for such beautiful words and support. Dang - everyone is determined to make me cry. :)

      Hugs, Love and Blessings,
      Cat

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  9. Cat, I don't even know what to say.......

    You are an incredible woman. The hardships you have endured would have made a lot of people bitter and hard. Somehow, you didn't let that happen to you. I stand in awe of your courage. I pray for many blessings to be bestowed on you in the coming year. I can't imagine a more deserving soul than you. I mean that.

    Hugs, Queenie

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    1. I really don't feel that incredible or courageous but I thank you for such a lovely compliment Queenie. I pray that everyone in our community receive many blessings in the coming year.

      Hugs and Blessings,
      Cat

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  10. Cat, I have always admired and appreciated you. The wonderful uplifting and inspirational posts you publish when we are all having a hard time, your giggles, and your wonderful supportive and encouraging comments and advice.

    Having read this, my heart hurt for you, for everything you have been through and losing your love. I am also truly in awe of you and think you are an incredible woman to have overcome the things you have been through and maintain a positive outlook.

    You are truly a blessing and an inspiration and I am so glad you found the wonderful bloggers you mentioned and de-lurked. This community just wouldn't be the same without you.

    Love and Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Oh Roz - you lovely words brought tears to my eyes - the good kind I promise. Thank you so much. This community has been such a blessing and source of strength, along with my family. Don't know what I would do without y'all.

      Love, Hugs and Blessings,
      Cat

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  11. Oh my God, Cat - I so wish I could materialize in front of you and hold you close. I am so terribly sorry that you have experienced such sadness, and yet completely amazed that you have emerged as such a wonderful loving and caring person. You have great strength, my friend.

    You are the voice of support and compassion in this community, and personally responsible for a number of hearty belly laughs when reading your blog and comments. Not only are you the reason I now know what anal beads are, you are the reason I make legendary soup.

    We love you here, Cat and although no explanation about your life was necessary - I feel privileged to know you a little more than I did. Your story made me love you more, to see you for the inspiring and unconditionally caring soul you are.

    Never change Sweetie, and never doubt that this community is where you belong.

    Hugs and much love
    lillie

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    1. Awww Lillie - thank you for your lovely words, they really touched my heart - gonna make me cry here. Happy tears but still crying. :)

      Happy I can be known for belly laughs, anal beads and legendary soup. ;)

      This community is definitely where I feel most at home and I so value the friendships I have made here. You are definitely on that list my friend. ;)

      Hugs, Love, and Blessings,
      Cat

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  12. Hi Cat,
    My hubby and I read this together when you first put it up and were dumbfounded for a time as we tried to process all you have been through. I kept meaning to come back after Christmas to write this. Sorry it has been so long.

    I am so sad for the hurt you have experienced as well as the loss. You had left a comment somewhere that talked about "when" you had your Matthew and I wanted to write and ask you more about your story but I get so stinking shy sometimes. I know...hard to believe.

    After reading this and processing it for a bit, we just wanted to thank you for being part of us here, for sharing from your experience and wisdom. Those who have experienced the most pain and who choose gracious living--they are the ones who have so much to give and you are one of those women.

    As much as you surely didn't need to tell us any of this, I am grateful to know some of your story and my respect for you has gone through the roof. Big hugs and blessings to you!

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    1. Hey Susie - No apologies necessary, we all get caught up in life, especially during the holiday season. ;)

      Please don't ever be shy about asking me anything. If I can't or don't want to answer, I will let you know that I prefer not to answer. No harm, no foul. Each day is a bit easier to talk about Matthew and his family but we're now coming up on the one year anniversary of their deaths which I'm struggling with a bit.

      Thank you so much for your lovely and supportive words, they definitely brought good tears to my eyes. This community has been such a blessing and source of strength, giving me a lot of the companionship I had with Matthew's family. Will take all the hugs and blessings I can get. ;)

      Hugs and Blessings to both of you,
      Cat

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  13. Cat, I loved chatting with you on LDD. I would get off the computer laughing. I knew from the get go that you were a very strong person, just didn't realize how strong. WOW - you are amazing and a real inspiration. May God bless you and keep you safe in the years to come. And I pray that you will only feel happiness for now on. Laughter is the best medicine but friendship is a close second. I am fortunate to have got to know you on the network and I am absolutely thrilled that you are in blogland. You give great comments on blogs and your blog always makes me happy. Thanks for sharing.
    Hugs

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    1. Oh Blondie, thank you so much for your lovely words. You and the other's on the network and in blog land are what have helped me keep a positive attitude. I am so fortunate to have met all of you.

      I am so glad I am able to make you happy with my blog. I do like smiling better than crying. ;)

      Hugs and Blessings,
      Cat

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  14. Holy smokes, Cat, I had no idea. I am so very sorry for your loss. It sounds like your Michael was a wonderful man and my heart just aches to learn that your time with him was cut short.

    Also, I am amazed at your depth of experience with ttwd, both the good...and the very bad. It's shocking to learn about how people have twisted and perverted ttwd. I mean, a "church" where they are spanking women in public for everyone to witness? OMG I can't believe that actually exists. How disturbing. It must be so hard knowing that your friend Karen is being subjected to this and doesn't realize that there is something better out there. It also says so much about your character that you didn't just write off the whole lifestyle completely after what you experienced with her and her bf. I'm glad that it led you here and that you are now able to share your insight with the rest of us.

    It's something that doesn't get talked about here very often, which is kind of surprising, IMO. We all talk about how wonderful ttwd is, but nobody mentions the very real fact that for every 1 man out there who is responsible/smart/honorable/compassionate enough to actually be the HoH, there are probably 5 that completely lack the ability to do the role justice and worse, there are probably 10 for each of those 5 who would totally abuse and be detrimental with that kind of authority. Very scary stuff and you are one brave woman for getting through all of that and coming out on the other side with the positive perspective that you have. ((HUGS))

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    1. Hey Tess - Matthew was an exceptional man and I have to be grateful that I had the time with him that I did. I miss him so much but would not trade away the time I had with him to ease the pain.

      I've experienced the good, the not so good, the fantastic and seen the worst so guess that makes my viewpoint a bit different. :) I worry that sometimes I'm not as sympathetic in my comments to some posts as I should be.

      The really sad thing is that Karen had so much better - she was married to one of Matthew's brothers and had an absolutely wonderful marriage. Unfortunately, she messed up, big time, when the family was away and was waiting to be punished when her husband got home. I think she felt so guilty about her behavior and not being punished that she's willing to accept the extreme 'punishment' from the jerk. I hope and pray every day that she will wise up and leave him but I fear that she will get more indoctrinated and stay.

      I've read comments here and there regarding husbands that really don't feel they have what it takes to be an HoH but there has not been a lot written about the men who either step up as HoH but crumble and then abuse it during crisis - as my ex did. Or the men who are 'power hungry'/borderline abusive and TTWD just makes them total abusers. I've seen comments on several posts, where women have described what they are going through - simply abusive! And I've seen several comments from men especially on Clint's blog who seem to want to instructions to take it over the top!

      Whatever you call it, this lifestyle can be so rewarding for a relationship, but it takes a lot of love, commitment, inner strength and work. :)

      Thanks for you thoughtful words and lovely compliments.

      Hugs and Blessings,
      Cat

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  15. Cat I feel so bad that I missed this.I blame it on my crazy life.
    I am not sure what to say. You have suffered such a tragic loss. The fact that you wake each day and reach out to others is so telling. I love that you are here and look forward to your blog posts. You inspire so many with your words of wisdom and lovingly offered advice.
    I care about you, and hope for you to continue experiencing joy and love in your life.

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    1. Minelle dahling - absolutely no reason to feel bad for missing a post or even two. ;) Crazy life and family must take priority.

      Thank you for taking the time from your crazy life to read this a write such a lovely compliment.

      Hugs and Blessings,
      Cat

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  16. your positive outlook on life is inspirational. I hope you find true love again and that you keep finding joy in life...

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    1. Welcome Terps...Thank you for such a lovely compliment. I don't know if I will ever find another love...am honestly not looking, but of course, I wasn't looking when I found Matthew. :) Even without him and his awesome family, there is so much joy to be found in life...if we just look around us.

      Thank you for stopping by.

      Blessings,
      Cat

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  17. Cat,
    I can't believe I missed this! I don't know what I could possibly have been doing at the time.
    I knew that you had been abused at one time from comments you made on the LDD blog. I was CP before I became Blue Bird.
    I knew you had an incredible man until recently.
    I cried as I was reading this, feeling the hurt and pain.
    I also was extremely proud to realize I knew someone so incredibly strong.
    I wish I could have seen you take down the "leaders" of that church! LOL!
    Your comments are always welcome and I will admit to you that when I read someone else's blog your comments are the first ones I scroll down to read, "Let's see what Cat says about that."
    I do have a question, you wrote that your marriage started as DD and became TTWD, is there a difference?
    Love and hugs,
    Blue Bird

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    1. Hey BB...Life gets in the way and ya missed one...30 lashes with a wet noodle for you. ;)

      I really don't feel that strong...just incredibly stubborn...at least that's what I've been told.

      I have to wonder if some of the women from that 'church' were silently cheering when I did that. LOL

      Thank you for such a lovely compliment...I know my comments aren't always welcome or popular...based on all my experiences, I have a bit different way of looking at things...of course, my dad always said I had a different way of looking at things since I was a child and it was because I was left-handed. *teehee*

      Ok, here are my definitions...DD is just straight 'vanilla' DD, no spankos involved whereas TTWD incorporates DD with spankos, spanknos, D/s, M/s, etc. Usually, I just refer to DD as TTWD because everyone does it differently but the point I was trying to make was that we had a traditional husband-led marriage where I got my bum burned whenever I broke a rule but the were no GG spankings. Then he changed...the more he drank (did drugs/other women...as I later discovered), the more he drifted from DD rule based, HoH led relationship to whatever he felt like at the time. TTWD with a selfish attitude is probably what I should have said.

      Has all my rambling here answered your question? If it hasn't, send me an email I will try to sort it out better. Sorry for confusing you.

      Hugs and Blessings,
      Cat

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  18. Cat,
    Sweetie, I've been following your comments around Blogland and of course, treasure the comments you leave on my blog. I read *your* blog but just now found this post. All that I can say is that I admire your strength of spirit, your support of the women (and men) in this community, and the love you have for the people you hold dear.

    Please know that you are one of my favorite people here in Blogland. You are sweet, funny and wise and such an incredible inspiration. Thank yo for being my friend.

    Elisa Xo

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    1. Oh Elisa...Thank you so much for such a lovely compliment. I love visiting your blog...talk about inspiration!

      Thank you for being my friend also.

      Hugs and Blessings,
      Cat

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  19. Wow- I just discovered your blog and saw your story as I was exploring. The courage it took to share something so personal is such an inspiration. The laughter you create with your posts is infectious and brightens the days of many, I imagine. I look forward to visiting often! :)

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    1. Welcome Kim and thank you so much for such a lovely compliment. You are always welcome and hope you will enjoy.

      Blessings,
      Cat

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  20. I have been reading your blog, but didn't know about your story. Someone mentioned it a week or so ago, and I just now got to it. Cat, your story, I believe in fighting for marriage, but not at the risk of your children, not when there is abuse. You were right to leave. A woman is not a punching bag, and never should be treated as one. Even spankings done for the wrong reasons are abuse. And a public church beating? No, how is that even biblical? I study my Bible a lot, and cannot see how they think this is correct at all. I have never seen a church like that, and that they exist, scare me. That would make no one want to believe in God's love. :(

    You are such a strong woman. I am so thankful that you decided to look into the healthy side of DD, and am so thankful to hear your story. I have loved your comments, and you have so much to share. Thank you for that. {{{HUGS}}}

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    1. Hey Es May...Even when my ex crossed the line, I tried to make the marriage work but when he raised a fist to my son and me...that was the end. The public 'church' beatings were the 'church' that Karen and her boyfriend belonged to. They were not associated with any actual religion and don't think the 'minister' was ordained. Personally, I think they were a bunch of abusers using Mr LovingDD's book as a bible for abuse.

      Thank you for your lovely compliment. I saw the healthy side of DD with my ex during the first part of my marriage and then again with Matthew before he died. DD can very much enhance a relationship but just as with any relationship, it takes a lot of work and commitment.

      Hugs and Blessings,
      Cat

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  21. Cat, you are one of those strongest women I've known / read about in my life. There are not many who can cope with everything you've done.

    Reading about your life is like a fiction to me. it's so different from my life, some things I've never even heard of that church, which spankar .. Absolutely unbelievable and so sad.

    You inspire me, Cat, with your strength. Thank you.

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    1. Thank you for such a lovely compliment ML! I have to say...I felt like I had walked into another world when I entered that 'church'! And the saddest part is that Karen knew what a good DD marriage should be as her husband was one of the strongest, protective and most loving man and treated her as a precious gift. I keep praying that one day she will break away from them and contact me.

      Hugs and Blessings,
      Cat

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  22. Cat. Thank you for sharing your story. You're one tough cookie, lady, with a warm-gooey center. I want to say so much, but I'm going to reduce it to saying...oh, heck, who am I kidding? I can't reduce it once I get on a roll! Better I don't even start here and now. Big, big, big hugs, dear friend. We're going to meet up some day and share half a drink. ;-) Blessings, Cat.

    Irishey

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    1. Awww Irishey...Tough cookie with a warm-gooey center? Ummm...Thank you?

      You know you are welcome to get on a roll on my blog any time you want! ;)

      Looking forward to sharing half a drink with you! ;)

      Lots of Hugs and Blessings,
      Cat

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  23. Cat

    I had never read this and only thought to after Ana mentioned it and you responded
    about it on her blog today.

    I have never heard of such a church but that just shows there's always something we don't know about.

    You have been through so much... I wish your fiance were still here with you. <3

    Thank you for sharing this.

    love
    sara <3

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    1. Hey Sara...I don't believe it was really a church in the sense of organized religion. I think it was a bunch of men who got together and used Mr. LovingDD's ALDD book as their "bible".

      Oh yes, I sure wish Matthew was still here! But then, I wouldn't have been searching for information so wouldn't have found everyone here in blog land!

      Thanks for your lovely comment.

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  24. Cat, I'm glad I took the time to look backwards on your blog. So sorry your path has been strewn with such sharp rocks and low valleys. But that path is what has brought you to here, now, and I see that you recognize that everything we experience, good or bad or even horrendous, molds who we are now and who we will become. You come across to me as a kind, open, and compassionate person and I very much hope that your road ahead will be a happy one, with only a few potholes (for they remind us life is not perfect), and with someone to travel it with you who deserves and "gets" you and loves you. And somehow I think that you have already learned the hard lesson that it is okay to look back, but one mustn't stare too hard. For what lies ahead is equally important. I'm glad you're here. For both yourself and for us!

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    1. Hey Rednakedy...thank you for visiting and your lovely words. I am very happy I was led here...I have found so many friends who have become family...this is an awesome community!

      Please come visit whenever you want.

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  25. Can't believe it has taken me this long to find this, Cat. I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. Count me among the many who are are in awe of your resilience and ability to have such a good handle on your life. You are truly an inspiration, and I look forward to getting to know you better. I'm going to go back to your 'beginnings' here in blogland and get myself caught up!

    Hugs,
    Sadie

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    1. Hey Sadie...Thank you so much for your kind words. I don't share as much personal information as many do but you are welcome to visit anytime and read anything you want. Please feel free to ask any questions you may have.

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  26. Cat,
    I still consider myself a newbie here in blogland and thank you for your welcoming comments on my post. So when you made your second comment about Matthew and again used past tense, I explored your blog and read your story. Oh, my! The love and heart ach you have lived. I am sorry for your loss and rejoice that you could turn toward blogland to share your great sense of humor. Thank you for what you do and the smiles you spread around here in blogland.
    Meredith

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  27. Thank you for such a lovely compliment Meredith. I truly believe Matthew led me here to help me recover. Blog land has become my second family...I have met so many wonderful people here. I am happy to hear that you enjoy my warped sense of humor. ;)

    Please let me know if there is anything I can help you with.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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  28. Cat, it has been revealed that Mr. Loving DD was a big fat fake and his blog has been taken down. I do wonder what happened to Karen? I'm not sure if you this. I'm so sorry for your life and would like to say you're amazing, Cat!

    Mandy

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    1. Hey Mandy...I never believed that Mr Loving DD was anything more than an egoistical sadist but the problem was that the group Karen got involved in uses his books as their guidance...seriously doubt if they care that he was a fake...they are turned on by his sadism. Karen is still with the group...I call her every once in a while just to check in with her and try to let her know there is someone out here for her...unfortunately, unless I am willing to turn myself over to the elders for punishment, she will not speak with me. :(

      There are others who have gone through much worse than me...I have so much to be grateful for. thank you for such a lovely compliment. Please come visit any time.

      Blessings...
      Cat

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  29. Hi Cat, the story about your past left me speechless, more than once and it still does. All I can say is that I feel for you so much and nobody should have to experience what you had to. I simply love that you have kept such a positive view on life, where others might have lost it and this makes you even more special. I think that you are wonderful and admirable and definitely an example for all of us. I think what I want to say is Thank You for being there!

    love and big warmhearted hugs

    Nina

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    1. Thank you for the lovely compliments and big hugs Nina! I have had and continue to have a much better life than many. I have so much to be grateful for.

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  30. Cat, through all the chat room talks we had on LDD, I never knew what you had suffered. You were always supportive, funny, and had good advice. I always left a better perspective, even if it was only on humor, each time we talked. (((Hugs))) Always!
    Eme

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    1. Thank you for the lovely compliment Eme. I try not to dwell on the negative and simply posted this due to some rude feedback I was getting...just seemed easier to explain it once that to deal with individual emails and comments.

      Please don't be such a stranger.

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  31. Hi Cat, I just found your blog and all I can say is amazing... You have a very beautiful outlook after from what I read you have been through so much! I am very fortunate to have found a very loving husband. I can't believe that Loving guy and his manipulation of what should be a very loving act between husband and wife. It's a very personal thing and a woman should never feel "fear" when being disciplined by her husband. What a sham that guy is! Thank you for sharing such a personal testimony it was wonderful to read! Blessings!

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    1. Welcome Dolores...Thank you for the lovely compliment. I'm very happy you have a loving husband and he obviously has a loving wife. Oh yes...Mr LovingDD is nothing but a sham who published his won credo based on a very warped view of DD, TTWD and BSDM. Luckily, his book is no longer sold by any of the online bookstores but have no idea of how many volumes are in circulation. Thank you for visiting...please feel free to visit anytime.

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  32. Hi I have come to your blog via Regularguy and am so pleased I did. Your introduction is very moving and my heart went out to you reading your life story. My first marriage was controlling and I used to dread the mood he would be in on arriving home I subsequently ended up working in the field of domestic abuse.

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    1. Welcome LC...I'm sorry you had to go through everything that comes with such a controlling marriage. It is a painful learning experience isn't it. But I'm sure it has helped you be much better in your chosen field.

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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Thanks for stopping by. Respectful comments are always welcome.