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Monday, February 29, 2016
A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Dakota prairie without water. His horse had already died of thirst. He's crawling along the dusty ground, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the ground and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase. He opens it and out pops a genie.
But this is no ordinary genie.
She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull grey dress.
There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. 'Well, cowboy,' says the genie, 'You know how I work...You have three wishes.'
'I'm not falling for this,' said the cowboy, 'I'm not going to trust an IRS genie.'
'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!'
The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is right. 'OK! I wish I were along-side a lush spring with plenty of food and drink.'
The cowboy finds himself beside the most beautiful spring he has ever seen, and he's surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish.'
'My second wish is that I was rich...beyond my wildest dreams.'
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!'
After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says, 'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'
He was turned into a tampon.
Moral of the story:
If the U.S. government offers to help you, there's going to be a string attached.
Sunday, February 28, 2016
A Retired Person's Perspective
1. I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.
2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.
3. You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by looking at her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably angry.
4. Gone are the days when girls cooked like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
5. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body.
6. I don't like making plans for the day. Because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
7. I didn't make it to the gym today...That makes 1,500 days in a row.
8. I decided to change calling the bathroom the "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
9. Dear paranoid people who check behind the shower curtains for murders. If you find one, what's you plan?
10. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Politicians just abuse the privilege.
Saturday, February 27, 2016
Pay close attention to each scene, tricky Colgate has created a very ingenious advertising campaign to promote their dental floss.
But...before I explain to you the main detail of these images, I will let you observe them quietly on your own.
Now that you've had time to quietly observe the images...
* In the first photograph, you might have noticed that the woman has six fingers on her left hand.
* In the second photograph, a phantom arm is floating behind the man.
* And in the third photograph, the man has only one ear.
The campaign attained its purpose. It proved that food debris on your teeth draws more attention than any physical defect does.
How well did you do??
Most people will fail…how about you?
So now you know that no matter what physical "defect" you might feel self-conscious about, just stick a chunk of spinach between your front teeth and no one will notice anything else about you!
Friday, February 26, 2016
There was a stack of blankets in the corner and a sleeping bag on the floor but only one bed. Being a gentleman, the priest said, "Sister, you sleep on the bed. I'll sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag."
Just as he got zipped up in the bag and was beginning to fall asleep, the nun said, "Father, I'm cold." He unzipped the sleeping bag, got up, got a blanket and put it on her.
Once again, he got into the sleeping bag, zipped it up and started to drift off to sleep when the nun once again said, "Father, I'm still very cold." He unzipped the bag, got up again, put another blanket on her and got into his sleeping bag once again.
Just as his eyes closed, she said, "Father, I'm sooooo cold."
This time, he remained there and said, "Sister, I have an idea. We're out here in the wilderness where no one will ever know what happened. Let's pretend we're married."
The nun purred, "That's fine by me."
To which the priest yelled back, "Get up and get your own stupid blanket!"
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Righting the overturned hull of USS Oklahoma at Pearl Harbor, 19 March 1943
A worker helping to build the Empire State Building in the 1930’s, during the Great Depression era. No safety equipment used here and very dangerous work.
In the Paluxy River, in Glen Rose, Texas, they found human AND dinosaur footprints in the clay.
This is what NYC looked like in the late 1800’s. A busy place. I wonder who had the jobof picking up all the road apples from the horses?
The USS Ranger...the first Aircraft Carrier. Just look at the Bi-Planes!
A Normandy Beach landing photo they don't show in textbooks - Brave women of the Red Cross arriving in 1944 to help the injured troops, WWII.
Library hidden in a cave, a unique repository of ancient manuscripts known as the Library Cave. A hidden cache of 50,000 books and rolls dating from ca 500 1002 AD that were deemed heretical and hidden in the cavesince the early 11th Century. I wonder where this cave is located.
"Second Class Saloon" The saloon that Wyatt Earp and his wife owned in Nome, Alaska between 1887-1901. He knew where the money was!
It took big cajones to be a steel worker during this period, when they weren’t required to use any safety lines. I mean BIG!
This crew was working on the Woolworth Bldg, NYC, in 1926. Like I said...BIG ONES!
Atlanta in the Civil War before Gen. Sherman burned the city to the ground.
New Orleans circa 1906. "Italian headquarters, Madison Street." The streets were still dirt!
On July 10, 1913, Death Valley, California hits 134 °F (~56.7 °C), the highest temperature ever recorded in the United States. You remember “20 mule team Borax”?
A cool photo of the Eiffel Tower, Paris in 1928.
Baptism in the river. From "Appalachian Life" photographic study.
Child soldier - in desperation the Nazi's used many of these children often as fodder for front line diversionary actions. These children didn't have a chance.
This photo, taken at the end of the war shows a young boy terrified by the sounds of battle. He even wet his pants! You can see he is being told to toughen up!
No other family in American history has suffered a wartime loss like that of Waterloo's Sullivan family. The Sullivans gave up their five sons in a World War II tragedy that has never been forgotten. They all were serving on the same ship that was sunk. The Navy changed its policy after that tragedy about next of kin serving on the same ship.
lleta Sullivan reads a letter from the U.S. Navy. She received two letters from F.D.R. in February of 1943. The first informed her of the death of her five sons in the line of duty, the second, sent later, requested her presence at the christening of the destroyer U.S.S. Sullivans named in their honor. Can you even start to imagine the grief this poor lady had?
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
After the first 3 years, the abbot came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
"Food cold!" the man replied. The abbot made sure the meals are not cold.
Three more years went by and the abbot came to him and said, "What are your two words?".
"Robe dirty!" the man exclaimed. The abbot ordered his robe be washed.
Three more years went by and the abbot came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
"Bed hard!" The abbot made sure the mattress got re-stuffed.
Three more years went by and the abbot came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
"I quit!" said the man.
"Well," the abbot replied, "I'm not surprised, you've done nothing but complain since you got here!"
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Monday, February 22, 2016
AVERAGE: Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date.
ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law.
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement.
QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited.
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors.
INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors.
STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk.
TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut.
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job.
A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.
NOT A DESK PERSON: Did not go to college.
EXPRESSES SELF WELL: Can string two sentences together.
SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home life.
CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: Scared.
METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nitpicker.
DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: Has a loud voice.
JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND: Lucky.
MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE: A snob.
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes.
STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES: Stubborn.
GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE: A coward.
SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE: Stupid.
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: Turns in work on time.
IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL: Wanted by no-one else.
ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: An office gossip.
REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT: Lazy and hard-headed.
HARD WORKER: Usually does it the hard way.
ENJOYS JOB: Needs more to do.
HAPPY: Paid too much.
WELL ORGANIZED: Does too much busywork.
COMPETENT: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN: Annoying.
WILL GO FAR: Relative of management.
SHOULD GO FAR: Please.
USES TIME EFFECTIVELY: Clock watcher.
VERY CREATIVE: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
USES RESOURSES WELL: Delegates everything.
DESERVES PROMOTION: Create new title to make h/h feel appreciated.
Do you agree or disagree?
Have you used any of these as a manager?
Have you received any of these?
Any you would like to add and/or redefine?
Sunday, February 21, 2016
The School of Psychology, Harvard University, conducted a survey
called "What really do you see?"
People were asked to focus their attention on a simple picture and
then asked if they had noticed anything odd.
Now you have the chance to take part in this survey.
Study the picture for about a minute; then identify what you see that is HORRENDOUS.
Results of the Survey:
1. 100% of males failed this test. They were distracted by the boobs.
2. 100% of the females also failed this test. They were distracted by the wide choice of doughnuts.
The real answer:
There's a mouse on one of the doughnuts!
Saturday, February 20, 2016
Friday, February 19, 2016
Thursday, February 18, 2016
This is my human there are many like it but this one is mine...
I totally saw the dog and is wonderful wing man, never really paid attention to anything else until I started reading the comments. Thank you to our military and their very special dogs who are sent into the worse case scenarios
He/she deserved it! Thank you for your service, sweet little puppy.
He looks so fierce, but sad…
The dog survived, the handler sadly did not.
It'll be fun they said.
IF ONLY we humans would love
one another this way too.
Hey, that's an Israeli soldier!
has for the human race.
Greater love hath no man than to lay down his life for
his friends ...
This is the family of fallen Marine Cpl Dustin Lee. They were allowed to adopt "Lex".
okay we got this covered.
looked after you.