Exam

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination.
These are genuine answers from 16 year olds.

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Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
 
Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
 
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
 
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
 
Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)
 
Q. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
 
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)
 
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
 
Q. What is artificial insemination?
A.  When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
 
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
 
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. the abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U (wtf!)
 
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
 
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
 
Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.  (That would work)
 
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
 
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.  (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
 
Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
 
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)
 
AND THE BEST IS LAST…
 
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once an Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head. (Now we’re getting somewhere)
 
And these youngsters will soon be voting?  God help us!!!

Gardening with Grandma

Here’s another joke courtesy of our darlin’ Ami over at Ami's Starsong.  I also received it from two vanilla friends…have to wonder what that says about me!  
 
A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with a see-through blouse on and no bra.
Her grandmother has a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!
 

The teenager tells her 'Loosen up Grams. These are modern times.  You gotta let your rose buds show!'   And out she goes…

 
The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and her grandmother is sitting there with no top on.
The teenager wants to die. 


She explains to her grandmother that  she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate.

 
The grandmother says, 'Loosen up, Sweetie.  If you can show off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets.

 
Don't mess with a Senior Citizen!