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Sunday, June 30, 2013

Unexplainable Stock Photos

As most of you have probably seen, Miss Emily is doing better but still not out of the woods as well as cranky...as most healing children are. Please keep sending the prayers healing energy and positive thoughts. Hopefully Emily will soon be her sunny mischievous self and Jim and Christina can get some much needed rest!

Now for your reading "pleasure" I present the following… 

#12 And then there's this

You know, sometimes conversations come up that necessitate some sort of visual counterpart to illustrate a point. Like that anecdote about our aunt Mo who always wore too much make up when she would look for an outlet for her nose hair trimmer, often without her glasses on...
clip_image002
via http://thechive.com/

 

#11 Nice beard

Sometimes you need a photo of a person of indeterminate gender with a mice beard. You're welcome.
clip_image004
via http://www.collegehumor.com/

 

#10 das ist gut

Yes, this is a sad cross-dressing Hitler peeling potatoes. MASHED POTATOES UBER ALLES!
clip_image006
via http://www.collegehumor.com/

 

#9 Most important meal of the day

Japanese horror movie-meets-nutritional breakfast. She'll fit right in with the Trix rabbit and Tony the tiger.
clip_image008
via http://www.collegehumor.com/

 

#8 Fruity

Sometimes you really really like watermelon. And holding up a slice of it with your approving smile just doesn't cut it. That's when you need the watermelon hat.
clip_image010
via http://thechive.com/

 

#7 Finger pointing

Hey wow, this is so surrealist. The finger turns into a hand, turns into a finger, turns into a hand...this is the stuff of nightmares.
clip_image011
via http://thechive.com/

 

#6 Togetherness

We can see this photo being used for some sort of product touting senior fitness. Or dentures. But most especially Viagra.
clip_image013
via http://thechive.com/

 

#5 Bird brain

So here we have a man with a bird head using a cell phone. This photo would come in useful for some sort of modern day take on French surrealist art. Or if you ever need a photo of an anthropomorphic bird-man using an iphone. And who doesn't right?
clip_image015
via http://thechive.com/

 

#4 R and R

The funny thing is that there is a demand for this picture, otherwise it wouldn't be stock, right? Either way, we really hope that's chocolate on her lips.
clip_image017
via http://thechive.com/

 

#3 Sweet tooth

If someone got you this for your birthday, please return it and then de-friend that person on facebook. That is all.
clip_image019
via http://thechive.com

 

#2 Weird Science

This is like some 80s movie where geeky misfits create a perfect human woman cyborg in their washing machine. We hope she is benevolent.
clip_image021
via http://thechive.com/

 

#1 Feet hands

We're not sure why anyone would need to search for an image like this, wonder if the search goes something like this "Man with feet-hands"?
clip_image023
via http://thechive.com/




Saturday, June 29, 2013

Five Rules to Remember





go ahead you can make it


Hope y’all are having a great weekend!    Cat face


Just don't forget prayers, healing energy and positive thoughts for our sweet Red heartEmily! Red heart

 


Friday, June 28, 2013

Rough Week

Hey y’all, I know I’m not supposed to be typing this much but it has definitely been a rough week for my blog land family…rougher for some than others.  So I felt I needed to send a bit of love to y’all.

The really good news is that Miss Emily is awake…of course, she’s still in critical care and very sick but conscious and answering questions!  I'm sure everyone is still sending prayers, positive thoughts and healing energy...we do have an awesome family here.

 





Haven’t seen the complete articles that have been referred to (don't really want to...pfft) and haven’t heard everything going on but have heard enough to know that our family here has had a rough time due to a few attention seeking liars.  Hang in there my darlin’s…this too shall pass.




Count yourselves lucky that my new software hasn't learned to understand me yet and I hurt too much to type a lot so y’all aren’t getting a long post. Winking smile  But watch out…once this software understands me better…




 

BTW…anyone harasses you…just invite them to target practice at Cat’s…no need to tell ‘em who the target is. Angry smile


normal that you speak of




stop expecting normal



Hugs and Blessings to all of you…

Thursday, June 27, 2013

We're Smiling Sweet Emily

I'm sure you've all heard the awesome news...sweet Emily is awake!!! Still in critical care and very sick but conscious and answering questions!

 For Darling Emily


I know in my heart this is due to all the wonderful prayers, healing energy and positive thoughts being sent her way.  Keep up the wonderful job my wonderful blog land family!!! 


Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Keep Fighting Emily

Sweet Emily


The prayers, healing energy and/or positive thoughts everyone has been sending to Jim and Christina's daughter Emily are definitely working...please keep them coming for her as well as for Jim, Christina, the rest of the rowdies as well as all her caregivers until she is totally healed and home with her beloved family.  

Thank you blog land family for being so awesome and pulling together for this sweet girl!  

Hugs and Blessings to all of you!
 


Monday, June 24, 2013

Bear Hugs, Prayers and Healing Energy for Emily





Sending hugs, prayers, healing energy and positive thoughts for Emily.  

Dear Lord...Please hold Emily, Jim, Christina and the rest of the rowdies in your loving arms...give them comfort and strength to come through this ordeal.

Healing Energy, Prayers and Positive Thoughts

Whatever your beliefs, please send prayers, healing energy and/or positive thoughts to Jim and Christina from Red Booty Woman. If you haven’t heard, their youngest daughter is extremely ill…you can read the details in Rogue’s latest post on Rogue's Awakening.
At 9pm, every day until she's healed, for 5 minutes, please stop everything you are doing and focus on nothing and no one except sending prayers, healing energy and/or positive thoughts to Emily!
 


I know that most of you, as Blue Bird stated in a comment, will spend the other 23 hours and 55 minutes still praying, sending healing energy and/or positive thoughts as you move through the day for Jim and Christina and their entire family. 

As Irishey asked, please include Emily's doctors and nurses in your prayers and positive thoughts, that they use all their wisdom, knowledge, attention, care and compassion in helping Emily recover from her illnesses. 



Sunday, June 23, 2013

Five Minutes for Emily

hands can send healing

At 9pm, for 5 minutes, please stop everything you are doing and focus on nothing and no one except sending prayers, healing energy and/or positive thoughts to Emily!


I know that most of you, as Blue Bird stated in a comment, will spend the other 23 hours and 55 minutes still praying, sending healing energy and/or positive thoughts as you move through the day for Jim and Christina and their entire family.

Sweet Emily









Saturday, June 22, 2013

Dear Angels



dear angels



may god bless


guardian angel



days be filled with love


Whatever your beliefs, please send prayers, healing energy and/or positive thoughts to Jim and Christina from Red Booty Woman. If you haven’t heard, their youngest daughter is extremely ill…you can read the details in Rogue’s latest post on Rogue's Awakening.

Thank you!

Friday, June 21, 2013

Better Late Than Never

There were 2 old-maid sisters, both virgins.  

It's Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, "I'm not going to die a virgin.  I'm going out and I'm not coming home until I've been laid!!"

 
Betty says, "Well, make sure you're home by 10 so I don't worry about you."

 
10 o'clock rolls around and there's no sign of Gladys...11 o'clock...12 o'clock...

 
Finally, at about 1:15 the front door flies open.  


In runs Gladys...straight to the bathroom.

 
Betty knocks on the door, "Are you okay, Gladys?"

 
No answer...


So she opens the door and there sits Gladys with her panties around her ankles, legs spread, and her head stuck between her legs looking at herself.

 
"What is it, Gladys?  What's wrong?" asks Betty.


 
"Betty, it was 10 inches long when it went in and 5 when it came out.  When I find the other half you're gonna have the time of your life!!!"  ~X®
 

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Heimlich Maneuver

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant.  While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.


Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.

After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
 

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, “Kin ya swallar?”

The woman shakes her head no. 
 

Then he asks, “Kin ya breathe?”

The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
 

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
 

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
 

As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.
 

His partner says, “Ya know, I'd heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!”

 
Winking smile


Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Miscellaneous Giggles

When asked by a young patrol officer:
"Do You know you were speeding?"

The 83-year-old woman gave the young officer an ear to ear smile and stated:

"Yes , but ..... I had to get there before I forgot where I was going."

The officer put his ticket book away and bid her good day.

Makes perfectly good sense to me! Winking smile

--------------------------------------

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding all the items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

--------------------------------------

A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. 

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, that was an insect."

To which her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a dick that big." ~X®


Sunday, June 16, 2013

Letter to Hillbilly Son

Dearest Son
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice.  It even has a washing machine.  I'm not sure about it.  I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain.  We haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

Auntie Maude has sent you a pair of socks she knit, she put a third one in because she heard you have grown another foot since she last saw you.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Jimmy locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.

Uncle Bobby fell into a whiskey vat last week.  Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned.  We had him cremated, he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck.  Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety.  Your other two friends were in the back.  They drowned because they couldn't get he tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time.  Nothing much out of the normal has happened.


Your Favorite Aunt,
Mom

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Wrong E-Mail Address

This one is priceless. 

A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!


A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. 

They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.


Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife.

However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.


Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a Baptist minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her e-mail expecting messages from relatives and friends. 

After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.


The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: March 21, 2012
 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in.
 I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
 P. S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!


ROFLMBO!


Friday, June 14, 2013

The Ostrich!

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.  The waitress asks them for their orders.  The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" 
 
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
 
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please."
 
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.


The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.


This becomes routine until the two enter again.


"The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man.
 
"Same," says the ostrich.
 
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.


The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. 

When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right.  Whether it's a liter of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.


The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"


The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say..."


Be careful how you ‘word’ your wishes. Winking smile

Thursday, June 13, 2013

We're Under Attack!




If this video won't play for you, please click here to view it on YouTube.

Enjoy!   Winking smile

Wednesday, June 12, 2013