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Monday, April 24, 2017

Stamina

Having a bit of stamina can get you out of a lot of situations – but not as many as pure wit can!

 
A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day while in bed with her boyfriend, she hears her husband’s car pull into the driveway.

She yells at the boyfriend, “Quick! Grab your clothes and jump out of the window. My husband has arrived home early!”

The boyfriend looked out the window and said, “It’s raining like hell out there!”

She said, “If my husband finds you here, he’ll kill us both!”

 


So the boyfriend grabs his clothes and jumps out of the window naked. A group of marathon runners were just passing, so he decides to run along with them, carrying his clothes on his arm.
 
Curious, one of the runners asked him, “Do you always run with no clothes on?”

Gasping for air, he answered, “Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin.”

 


Another runner then asked the nude man, “Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?”

Now breathlessly, the nude man replied, “Oh yes. That way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”



The runner then asked, “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”

The nude man replied, “Only when it’s raining!”

Courtesy of The Laugh Bible

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Old People Things

Another giggle from Meredith's Jack… 


Old people things p1 


Old people things p2 


Old people things p3 



Old people things p4 


Old people things p5 


Old people things p6 


Old people things p7 


Old people things p8 


Old people things p9 


Old people things p10 


Old people things p11 

Saturday, April 22, 2017

A Deep Woman

Not sure I agree with the “Most Men…” part but many points in this article are spot on…at least for me. Smile 
 
Most Men Can’t Handle A Deep Woman – Here’s why
 
clip_image001[4]

The deeper you are, the harder it becomes for you to find someone who wants to have a relationships with you. You can go out on a lot of dates but at some point the relationship fails to progress any further and that is mainly because of the intensity of your depth. Not every man is strong enough to handle a deep woman. Here’s why:
 
  1. A deep woman asks deep questions.
A deep woman will probe further into your life and ask questions that you may not be prepared to answer. Even on the first date, she will dig deeper and ask personal and philosophical questions – she will never enjoy a shallow conversation.
 
  1. A deep woman is honest. Too honest – often blunt.
A deep woman takes her integrity seriously and one thing she believes in is honesty. If you ask her anything, she will tell you the truth and she expects the same from you.

  1. A deep woman knows what she wants. Or who she wants.
A deep woman knows right away if she likes you and doesn’t need to date around or explore her other options to be sure of her feelings. Her heart only beats for a special few people and she knows them right away.
 
  1. A deep woman wants a deep relationship.
She wants long conversations about your life, she wants to hear stories about your past, she wants to understand your pain and she wants to add value to your life. She wants a real relationship that goes beyond going out and having fun.
 
  1. A deep woman is not afraid of intimacy.
She is not afraid of getting closer or risking getting hurt in the process. She doesn’t think it will entrap her freedom or make her vulnerable. Her depth and intimacy go hand in hand and she will always cherish the beauty of intimacy in relationships.
 
  1. A deep woman sees through you.
She can see who you really are and what makes you vulnerable. She is not the one to hold back from pointing out what she sees in you or how well she can read you. Even though it makes you uncomfortable, she wants you to know that she understands you and that you can be yourself around her.
 
  1. A deep woman craves consistency.
She gets turned off by inconsistency or flaky behavior. She desires a strong connection and a solid bond and she knows that consistency is the foundation of that bond. A deep woman will not participate in the dating games.
 
  1. A deep woman is intense.
She may be slightly intimidating because she brings intensity to everything she does. Her emotions are intense and so are her thoughts. She will never be indifferent about things that matter to her – not everyone is strong enough to handle her intensity.
 
  1. A deep woman only knows how to love deeply.
If you can’t love her deeply, she will walk away. She doesn’t know how to casually date someone she’s really into or be friends with someone she has feelings for. A deep woman knows when someone can’t meet her halfway and she will slowly detach herself from anyone who is not willing to give her the deep love she is looking for.
 
  1. A deep woman won’t wait for you.
She will not wait for you to make up your mind or watch you be hesitant about her. She is strong and passionate and will not waste her emotions on someone who doesn’t appreciate their depth. Even though she is looking for a special kind of love, a deep woman is not afraid of being on her own.

Courtesy of T.U.R

Friday, April 21, 2017

Suspected

No married man wants to find out that his wife has been unfaithful to him. But finding it out like this takes the cake!

 
A man suspected that his wife was cheating on him.

 
One night, he decided to find out the truth. He waits for her to leave, and then jumps in a taxi cab to follow her.
 
To his horror, he finds out that she is working in a brothel.

 
The guy says to the cabby, “Wanna make a $100?”
 
The cabby says, “Sure, what do I have to do?”

 
The guy replies that all the cabby has to do is go inside the brothel and grab his wife and put her in the back of the cab and take them home.
 
The cabby agrees, and goes into the brothel.

 
 
A couple of minutes later the brothel gets kicked open, and the cabby is dragging this woman out who is kicking, biting, punching and fighting all the way to the cab.
 
The cabby opens the door to the cab, throws the girl inside, and tells the man, “Here, hold her!!”
 
The man looks down at the girl and says to the cabby, “Wait a minute, this ain’t my wife?!”
 
 
The cabby replies, “I know, it’s mine, I’m going back in for yours!!!”
 
Courtesy of Vanilla Side

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Parent of the Year

Another giggle from Meredith's Jack.  I’ve shared some of these in the past but they’re worth sharing again along with the new ones. Smile

In no particular order the following are this year's leading candidates:
 

 
parent of year p1
 
parent of year p2
 
parent of year p3
 
parent of year p4 

parent of year p5 

parent of year p6 

parent of year p7 

parent of year p8
 

parent of year p9 


parent of year p10 


parent of year p11 

parent of year p12
 
parent of year p13
 

AND TO THINK YOU NEED A LICENSE TO FISH… Sad smile

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

The Fable of The Porcupine

From Meredith's Jack

An important lesson of at the end of this fable, which most learn, sooner or later.
 
It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions.
 
After a while, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.
 
Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.
 
The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.
 
The moral of the story is: Just learn to live with the Pricks in your life.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Where is the Polish Sausage?

Another giggle from Meredith's Jack

Oldie, but still funny…

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'prejudice' these days.


A customer asked, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?"

The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?"
 

The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something.

If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?

Or if I asked for some Whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
 

The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
 
The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?"
 

The clerk replied, "Because you're in Ace Hardware."
 

Don’t look at me…Jack sent it. Winking smile  Oh and for those of you across the pond…substittute “Irish” for “Polish”.

Monday, April 17, 2017

Retirement from the Navy

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
 
 
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
 
 
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
 
 
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied,
'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'
 
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two Officers had received.
 
But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.
 
The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,' which he did.
 
The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. "Dear Lord!", he suddenly exclaimed,  ''Where are your testicles?''
 
The old Chief calmly replied, ''Vietnam''.


Now that's one helluva retirement bonus!  Open-mouthed smile

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Old Goat Quiz

Another giggle from Meredith's Jack to kick off your week,…





Great mental exercise for the over-60 crowd.

Which of the following names are you familiar with?
1. Monica Lewinsky
2. Spiro Agnew
3. Benito Mussolini
4. Adolf Hitler
5. Jorge Bergoglio
6. Alfonse Capone
7. Vladimir Putin
8. Linda Lovelace
9. Saddam Hussein
10. Tiger Woods


You had trouble with #5, didn't you?
 
You know all the liars, criminals, adulterers, murderers, thieves, sluts and cheaters, but you don't know the Pope??
 
Lovely, just lovely…
 
Sometimes I worry about you…
 

What?  Don’t blame me…Jack sent it. Open-mouthed smile

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Happy Easter 2017

easter bunny surprise

easter egg hunts 


easter bunny costume



funny-pictures-how-easter-eggs-are-made-vo0

And now we know how Easter eggs are made!


adult easter eggs

Happy Easter tulips

Wishing all y'all a blessed and loving Easter holiday!

Friday, April 14, 2017

Billboards Part 2

Here’s an awesome set of giggles from Meredith's Jack,…There were so many of them that I decided to split them into two posts.  I posted the first set yesterday. 



Billboards p13 

Billboards p14 

Billboards p15 

Billboards p16 

Billboards p17 

Billboards p18 

Billboards p19 

Billboards p20 

Billboards p21 

Billboards p22

Billboards p23

Billboards p24

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Billboards Part 1

Here’s an awesome set of giggles from Meredith's Jack,…There were so many of them that I decided to split them into two posts.  Come back tomorrow to see the second set. Smile



Billboards p1


Billboards p2
Billboards p3
Billboards p4
Billboards p5
Billboards p6
Billboards p7
Billboards p8
Billboards p9

Billboards p10

Billboards p11

Billboards p12