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Saturday, January 11, 2014

Update to My Guardian Angel


guardian-angel

My darling Guardian Angel,

It's the 11th of January and you’ve been gone two years today.  Each day does get a bit easier even though in some ways it seems as if you’ve been gone forever and in some it feels as if I just lost y’all yesterday.  It’s been a rough year…almost losing mom, dealing with her recovery, my health issues, surgery, time out of work, issues with kids and dealing with all of this without your strength.

It’s getting a bit easier to think and talk about the good times with you and your family.  I can now smile more rather than cry when I remember all the joy, love and laughter we shared.

You led me to a wonderful group of people, many of whom have now become very dear friends.  This has been a rough week but I have received the most outstandingly supportive messages from many of them.  

Yes, I still feel alone in many ways…still ache for your arms to hold me tight and keep me safe and dang, I do miss your wicked sense of humor.  Winking smile   But, thanks to those friends, I don’t feel nearly alone as I did a year ago.

Several of those friends have suggested I try meeting someone new but wouldn’t even know where to start looking and pfft…where would I find someone even close to you! Secret telling smile  
I still struggle with what the good Lord’s plans are for me…guess I’ll find out in due time.

I feel you so near me at times that I know you are still watching over me. Yes darlin’ there are times I can hear you…“Do you think this is in your best interest?”  “Do you really want to go there?”  Sheesh…what do you expect? I’m trying!  Okay…sorta. Open-mouthed smile

Some of the people that I connected with last year are no longer in blog land but there are many that are still here and new bloggers you would love.  Oh yes…there are some HoH’s here that you would get along with just like your brothers! 

I will continue enjoying life and share the joy you gave me with others.

Love Always,
Cat



Since music has always been a part of my life, Matthew and I were constantly sending each other songs to convey different messages. The last song Matthew shared with me was “I Won’t Give Up” by Jason Mraz which was something he constantly said to me.  I can’t hear this song without thinking of Matthew.  Hope you enjoy it.



When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?


I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up


And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts
We got yeah we got a lot at stake
And in the end,
You're still my friend at least we didn't tend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn, how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
I'm still looking up

I won't give up on us
God knows I'm tough, he knows
We got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up...

 


Thank you my blog land friends and family for all the love and support!
Y’all are awesome!
 
broken_smile




45 comments:

  1. God bless you Cat, I will keep you in my prayers. Julia

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Julia...that is very much appreciated.

      Blessings...
      Cat

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  2. Awwww, Cat, my deepest sympathy. May you be blessed with comfort and strength during this difficult time.
    Thoughts are with you.

    Beautiful post......

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    1. Thank you Sarah for your wishes, thoughts and compliment.

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  3. Oh Cat, this is so beautiful. I hope you can feel all the support, comfort and love from all of us in blogland at this difficult time.

    Love and (((Hugs)))
    Roz

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    1. Thank you Roz...I can definitely feel all the love, comfort and support from my blogland family...it really helps!

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  4. Cat, you are a lovely and loving person and I am so proud to have you as my friend.

    Sending you love and lots of hugs, support, prayers and blessings. This is going to be a much better year - I can feel it!

    Love
    Ami xxx

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    Replies
    1. Awww thank you Ami...what a lovely compliment. From your mouth to God's ears!

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  5. Oh dear Cat after reading this I mooched around your blog and found your life post. You are a truly amazing person, who's has been through so much and you still remember how to smile and be thankful :)

    I wish you with all my heart all the love in the world, and may god be with you with each step you take x

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    1. Thank you for such a lovely compliment Missy! Thank you also for the wonderful wishes!

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  6. Replies
    1. Thank you Abby...will definitely take them!

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  7. Cat, I hope you find some comfort today. Sending hugs and prayers.

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    1. Thank you so very much Leah!

      Blessings...
      Cat

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  8. Hi Cat! :) BEAUTIFUL post. Love the song lyrics as well. The strength that you've shown and the energy that you've put into giving and giving and giving some more, during the toughest of times- you are an amazing example to all of us!!! I wish all good things for you in the year ahead, and am joining others here in the land, sending you the biggest of hugs and love to lift you up and carry you through. Thinking of you!

    <3 Katie

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    1. Aww Katie...what a lovely compliment! Thank you for that and for all the wonderful wishes, hugs and love!

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  9. Darling Cat, you are loved by so many. Your generosity, humor, and honesty have enriched more lives than you will ever know.

    Your guardian angel should be pleased and proud of how much you've accomplished and how far you've come. You've survived, even if it's not all roses and kisses, and you've become stronger and healthier. You've reached out to others in pain and given them your wisdom.

    Oh, and you rescue Minelle from her 5,000 tech-no mistakes. Every day. :D

    We love you.

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    1. Dang it Ana...thought I'd waited long enough to respond to these comments and here I sit in tears. Thank you for such lovely compliments!

      I do hope Matthew is proud of me...even if I do break some rules. ;)

      I'm not the only one rescuing Minelle. LOL

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  10. I want to reach out and hug you and tell you how proud he would be of you and all you have accomplished. His loving guidance will be with you always and when the time is right and it is meant to be he will guide you to the path you should follow.

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    1. Thank you so much Sunny! I sure wish the time would be right to find that darn path!

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  11. Aw Cat this was so lovely. My heart goes out to you. Prayers that you will
    feel comforted during this time of remembering.

    love
    sara

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Sara!

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  12. Oh Cat. I hope you feel the love that surrounds you. Picture Matthew and then all of us surrounding you in warmth and love. We are here for you, just as you have been for us.
    Your fighting spirit has been a lesson to all of us. You stamp down on adversity and climb above every single time.
    If I could I would fly over and be there.

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    1. Thank you so much Minelle...dang it...the tears just keep coming with all the wonderful comments. You are such an awesome friend...thank you!

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  13. A lovely post Cat. I love the song too. I hope you can in some way feel all of the hugs and love sent your way today and everyday. God Bless. More hugs!!

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    1. Thank you Queenie...I have felt all the hugs and love sent to me by so many...has definitely made this a bit easier.

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  14. I thought of you and prayed several times this week. I knew it was coming up. I am sorry I didn't call. Just know that you were ever in my thoughts.

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    1. Thank you Dana for all the thoughts and prayers...they were very much appreciated!

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  15. I hope with all my heart Cat that some day you won't be 'the girl with the broken smile' anymore.

    love
    willie

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    1. Thank you so much Willie...from your mouth to God's ears!

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  16. What a beautiful post !
    I am so sure that Matthew is proud about you , Cat!
    i am sure he is your guardian angel. He is with you all the time..just in the differnt shape.

    Hugs and love,
    Mona Lisa.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you ML...your words are very much appreciated!

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  17. I've been thinking about you in bunches Cat. I love that you are finding more reasons to smile at memories but I know that doesn't make it any easier, especially at this time of year. Eyes open...they are good things.

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    1. Thank you Susie. All the support from blog land has made this time a bit easier.

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  18. Big Hugs Cat - your guardian angel will be with you forever.
    You are a remarkable woman.
    x
    DF

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for that lovely compliment DF!

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  19. Cat, I didn't know you had lost your husband. I am so sorry for your loss. I know those words can't take the hurt away. I think it's amazing that you're here sharing your wit and humor with us every day. Please let us hold you up for awhile! Sending all my best wishes your way!

    Love, Clara

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    1. Hey Clara...there's been a bit of a misunderstanding...I was married for 18 years (DD marriage which went BAD) and divorced him. My guardian angel...Matthew...was my fiance and I lost him and his entire family. Hope that explained a bit better. If you want more information click on the 'My Life' link above on the right. Anyway, thank you for your lovely words and wishes.

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  20. This was a really lovely and touching post Cat. I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you. You are such a blessing to others and Matthew is certainly watching over you and very proud of you. (((((hugs)))))

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    1. Thank you for that lovely compliment Grace...I do hope you are right!

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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  21. Cat, I don't know how I missed this post, and I am so sorry that I did. Cat, this was so beautiful, and I can't even begin to imagine the pain you go through losing the man you become one with. {{{{hugs}}}} I cried so hard reading this, don't worry, it was a good cry, but I just feel your love, and how much you miss him, and I know what it's like to wish so bad to have again what you can't get back until heaven.

    I am praying for you, and love you so much. {{{{{HUGS}}}}} EsMay

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    1. OKay, blogger keeps eating part of my comment, a whole paragraph. :( Let me try one more time... I also said that it amazes and touches me that through all your grief, and all your hard times, you are still able to reach out and touch people like me, and bless us. You have been such a support to me, and that really means a lot to me. I did not realize that you had lost Matthew so recently, and my heart goes out to you. If you ever need anything, if I can ever help in any way, I'm here for you, Cat. Love, {{{hugs}}}, EsMay

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    2. Hey Es May...I really do hope they were good tears. Reaching out to others actually helps keep me grounded. And the idea that I can help other couples enjoy the kind of relationship that Matthew and I had and even more...what his parents and grandparents had...makes my heart sing.

      Thank you for all your prayers, hugs and offer of support...you are very much appreciated!

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

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