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Thursday, August 21, 2014

Notes from the Doctor

These are actual notes from Doctors patient charts...Do you recognize yourself in any of the notes? LOL



1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.



2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.



3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.



4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.



5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.



6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.



7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male. Mentally alert but forgetful.



8. The patient refused an autopsy.



9. The patient has no past history of suicides.



10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.



11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.



12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.



13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.



14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.



15. She is numb from her toes down.



16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.



17. The skin was moist and dry.



18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.



19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.




20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.



21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.




22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.



23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.



24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.



25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.



26. The patient was to have a bowel re-section. However, he took a job as a lawyer instead.



27. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.



28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.



29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.



30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.



31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.


Courtesy of Facts book


16 comments:

  1. Okay number 30 still has me giggling!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL Minelle...gotta watch out for those ambulating stools! ;)

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

      Delete
  2. okay, 23 and 24 makes me wonder. Really?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL Han...yup, that circus sized penis is a head scratcher. ;)

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

      Delete
  3. OMG Cat! All of these are funny but #13 & #14? Really? ROFLMAO! Thanks, Lisa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL Lisa...guess they're gonna work the woman up and get her pregnant one way or another. ;)

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

      Delete
  4. LoL Cat, OMG, these are written by doctors!

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Roz...have to wonder if their handwriting is so bad that the notes are being transcribed incorrectly. If not, not sure I want to see any of these doctors! ;)

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

      Delete
  5. some of these are quite funny...thanks for sharing :-) Hugs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're welcome Terps...happy you enjoyed them. ;)

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. That is a good one Sunny...really took a load off when she got rid of the husband! ;)

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

      Delete
  7. I just love it , Cat.
    13, 14, and 20 is just LOL
    Hugs,
    Mona Lisa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy you enjoyed these ML...those are good ones aren't they! Love the way they are checking the thyroid through the rectum! LOL

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

      Delete
  8. See? See?! Lol! Medical establishments and Wal-Mart are very scary.

    ReplyDelete
  9. LOL Irishey...got that right! ;)

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

    ReplyDelete

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