Works for Ketchup

A little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up. The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every 15 seconds or so, he puts the book down, grips onto the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of his head with his right hand.

His mother says: "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while."

Billy says: "I’m fine, mommy. I just haven't gone potty' yet."

Mother says: "ok, you can stay here a few more minutes, but, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"

Billy says: "Works for ketchup."

Life

"When you are going through something hard and wonder where God is,
remember the teacher is always quiet during a test."

Unknown

Deer Crossings…

Recently I posted a story and Lillie from At Ian and Lillie's Place commented about a story she had heard. I remembered receiving an email regarding that story.  After quite a bit of searching, I finally found the email with the following story and YouTube call.  True or spoof, it was so funny I had to share it. Thanks for reminding me of it Lillie. :-)



FARGO, N.D. — You know those deer signs you see from time to time? After three accidents involving deer, one North Dakota woman wants them moved.

Under the impression the signs are intended to tell deer where it’s safe to cross, she embarked on a (failed) mission to get the signs moved to lower-traffic areas. She wrote letters, called television stations, but no one seemed to want to hear what she had to say.

Finally, she turned to Y94 Playhouse Radio in Fargo.

They listened (and laughed) and then posted her call on YouTube.

 
The caller, named Donna, admitted she struck three deer on three separate occasions “shortly after I saw a deer crossing sign on the highway.”

The caller questioned why Minnesota and North Dakota departments of transportation would allow deer crossings to be on busy roads.

“Why are we encouraging deer to cross at the interstate? I don’t get it. That’s a high- traffic area,” she said.

By now the radio hosts were trying to muffle their laughter. But if the caller heard them, it didn’t register. She continued…

“I understand that deer are animals and they need to cross the streets occasionally to survive and, of course, to find food, but it seems to me that it’s so irresponsible of us to allow these deer crossings to be in areas where these deer are so likely to be struck by oncoming traffic.”

At this point the radio hosts have lost the battle to keep their laughter under wraps. But, still, the caller proceeded to explain her concern…

“You’d think they’d put deer crossings in smaller towns like at a school crossing — that would be a safer place for them to cross,” she said.

Finally one of the hosts tried to explain the true purpose of deer crossing signs.

“You know deer crossings aren’t telling deer that it’s safe to cross there, it’s just more of like an alert for drivers so they know it’s like a high-deer population,” he said.

And then the caller said the unthinkable.

“They can direct the deer population anywhere they want to by moving that deer crossing sign. Why in the world would they place it on the highway? Or the interstate?”

She added that there are so many other places she could think of to place a deer crossing sign — her favorite location: at school crossings.

One of the radio hosts tried again…

“You seem to be under the misunderstanding that the deer are somehow attracted to the deer crossing sign,” he said.

Yup. She confirmed this.

“Well, yeah, the deer crossing sign is there to allow the deer to know that’s where they need to cross,” she said.

By this point the radio hosts had given up. The caller clearly wasn’t going to have a eureka moment on live radio. They politely ended the call with the promise to spread her message, which they did. Her call — posted to YouTube — has received nearly 2.5 million hits and counting.

Think it’s a prank? Who knows? For the sake of this woman, let’s hope so! Let us know what you think by clicking the buttons below or leaving a comment at the bottom of this page. (There is no button at the bottom of the page - this is part of the article that was published LOL)

Originally posted
http://fox4kc.com/2012/10/18/woman-misunderstands-deer-crossing-signs-calls-radio-sation-wants-them-moved/

If this is a spoof, this woman is one heck of an actress. If I had tried this, I would have been snickering through the whole call.

Enjoy!

Get Off Our Butts Exercise Challenge

For all the lovely ladies who are participating in the …

 

 
As I told some of you, I am your official cheerleader during this endeavor. LOL

I thought it might be wise to start off with a few reminders.  Many of us struggle with weight issues and/or body image so I think everyone needs to be sure that your ultimate weight goals are realistic.

Below is a screen shot of this web site which gives your medically recommended weight based on height, current weight, age, and gender.

FYI:  The “Peoples Choice Ideal Weight” is interesting but is NOT realistic.



For those of you who are dieting in addition to exercising, here is some information for you:

• Most women should ingest approximately 1,200 calories per day depending on your amount of exercise
• 1000 calories per day is only suitable for a small framed woman who engages in minimal amounts of exercise
• Anything less than 1000 calories per day is strongly discouraged unless under doctor supervision
• Restricting your calorie intake too much can kick your metabolism into ”starvation mode” and you could actually gain weight
• The best diet is not a diet but a lifestyle change that
  • Changes your eating habits (more vegetables, fruits, lean meats, fish; less fats, sugars)
  • Watches your portion control
• Always start the day with a good breakfast, the higher in protein, the better.

Whether you’re exercising, dieting, or both, your rate of weight loss should be no more than 1 to 2 pounds per week. Of course, different times of the month can cause that to be impossible.

Do not weigh yourself more than once a week and try to do it at the same time of day each time, preferably morning. Your weight can fluctuate as much as 5 pounds between morning and evening.

Above all else, DO NOT get discouraged.  As with TTWD, it's a dance - forward step, forward step, back step, side step, side step, forward step...

GO TEAM TTWD!!!!!!!!!!

3 Things!

 

Blessings to all of you.

The Gay Flight

 


My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.' 
 
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed well-dressed woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.'
 
She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'
 
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, 
 
'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch!'

 
Don’t know if this is actually true or just one of those emails that float around cyberspace but it was just too funny not to post!

ROFLMBO 

Party?

Is Home Depot looking to expand into the "party" business?


Ya gotta wonder who was in charge of deciding what was displayed on Aisle 15!

ROFLMBO

Everybody Needs a Laugh...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hope you enjoy.

Reasons Not To Mess With Children

I’m sure you’ve seen some or all of these but when I received them in an email recently, I thought they were just too cute note to share…

 

 

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human;

it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied,

'Then you ask him'.

 

 

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.

She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied,

'I'm drawing God.'

The teacher paused and said,

'But no one knows what God looks like.'

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,

'They will in a minute.'

 

 

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to honor thy Father and thy Mother, she asked,

'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,

'Thou shall not kill.'

 

 

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink.

She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked,

'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'

Her mother replied,

'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,

'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

 

 

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say,

'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or

'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out,

'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'

 

 

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.

Trying to make the matter clearer, she said,

'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

A little fellow shouted,

'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

 

 

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.

The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE.  God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note,

'Take all you want.  God is watching the apples.'

 

 

  Hope you get a bit of a giggle out of these.

A Thankful Heart

A friend of mine asked me to post the following paragraph (in italics) on Facebook, which I did but I thought it needed to be here also.

The holidays are upon us and it can be a very joyful time of year.  Some of us have problems during the holidays and sometimes are overcome with great sadness when we remember the loved ones who are not with us.  And, many people have no one to spend these times with and are besieged by loneliness.  We all need caring thoughts and loving prayer right now.

 

I'm not asking you to re-post this anywhere, just please stop to say a prayer of support for all those who have family problems, health struggles, job issues, or worries of any kind. 

“A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues.” –Cicero

 

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” –John F. Kennedy



I am very thankful for my family, my friends, good health, a job, a warm roof over my head, food in my stomach, clothes on my back, and for all of you, my blogging family/friends.  I am truly blessed.

For those in the US, I wish you a loving, warm, and wonderful time with your family and friends during this Thanksgiving holiday.  If you are away from home, I pray you have safe travels.

Blessings to all!

Thanksgiving Resourcefulness

 
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and said, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”
 

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. 

 
“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says.  "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
 

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.


"Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this!"


She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced.  Don't do a single thing until I get there.  I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow."

"Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
 

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
 

"Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way"

 
"What are we going to do for Christmas?"




Sometimes parents just have to be a bit devious innovative in their thinking. LOL

M&Ms

A French bee colony has been eating M&M candy waste which has made their honey blue and green.

 

Here's one of those honeycombs…

 

 

https://www.facebook.com/UNBfacts

 

 

Interesting. :)

A Few Eggs Short of a Dozen

For those of you who find the picture too blurry or too small to read, I've copied the pertinent text below...typos and all.

Do you think humans will ever walk on the sun?
I was just thinking and thought how crazy it was that a person walked on the moon and mars. I was just wondering if you think a person will ever be able to walk on the sun to? I know it’s really hot but im thinking if you go in the winter when the sun is like 30 degrees I bet they could do it.

Best Answer – Chosen by Asker
Well, if they do, it would have to be at night.

Asker’s Rating:
GOOD IDEA!!  I didn’t think of that, people are so stupid. why do they never think of that?



*shaking head* Just walk away Cat, just walk away. 

Your mama always said if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. 

Just. 


Walk. 


Away. 


Cat. 


NOW!

The Liebster Award

Dang - 2nd post of the day so that I could get this out of the way - otherwise I would procrastinate and never do it. LOL

I was nominated for The Liebster Award by Rogue to answer questions and give random facts about me.  Thanks Rogue – I owe you one.  ;)
Here are the rules:

• When one receives the award, one posts 11 random facts about oneself and answers the 11 questions asked by the person who nominated you.
• Pass the award onto 11 other blogs (while making sure one notifies the blogger that one nominated them!)
• One writes up 11 NEW questions directed towards YOUR nominees.
• One is not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated one's own blog!
• One pastes the award picture into one's blog. (You can google the image, there are plenty of them!

 




Here are Rogue’s questions and my answers:

1. What is the first thing you notice about a man you just met?     Eyes, Smile, Hands
2. What celebrity do you resemble?      hahaha
3. What is one thing you swore you would never do....and did?     Start a blog
4. How tall are you?     5’ 3 3/4”
5. What color is the underwear you have on right now?     hot pink
6. Are your dreams in color or black and white?     color
7. Are you a morning person or night owl?     night owl
8. What is your nickname?     Cat – my mother gave me 3 names and my father took the 3 initials and renamed me
9. If you could go back in time, where would you go?      26.Dec.11
10. What is the funniest thing you've ever heard a child say?     My boys were 4 and 10 and the youngest was chattering away telling his brother a long story. Finally,  the oldest said in an exasperated voice “alright D, I get the picture” and the youngest came back with “No you don’t, I didn’t take one!”

 
Eleven random facts about me...

1. Every one is safer if I’m not on the roads during bad weather, including me!
2. I have a need for speed and indulge it as much as I can! On dry roads duh!
3. When I get frustrated or angry I go outside and shoot at cans.
4. I am a world class procrastinator.
5. I love Caribbean spices (like you haven’t figured that out) and am always creating new recipes to incorporate them.
6. I have over 10,000 books – not counting what is on my Kindle app on my computer.
7. I collect cook books (not included in the above number).
8. I’m allergic to housework – that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it!  :D
9. According to my youngest, you’d better hide FAST if I start speaking very quietly and very distinctly and get a tight little smile on my face. Yup, have totally lost it.
10. I am geographically challenged.
11. The left side of the brain controls the right side of the body. The right side of the brain controls the left side of the body. Therefore, left-handed people are the only people in their right minds. Oops – something went wrong!

 
I nominate…
Bas, TL, Blue Bird, Sunny, Callie, lilmisses, SpankedWifeUK, Bea, Minelle, Roz, and Pooky :P
 
Questions for you…

1. What animal would you be and why?
2. What food do you absolutely refuse to eat?
3. Leather or wood?
4. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
5. What is your favorite kind of music?
6. Could you turn your phone off for 24 hours without a panic attack?
7. What is your favorite time of day?
8. How many pets do you have?
9. Scariest sound?
10. Why did you decide to start blogging?
11. Why do you think you were nominated for this award?

Dang! Harder than I thought. Love ya Rogue but still owe you one!

45 Lessons in Life

It's been a rough week for many in blogland so I thought I'd post something that might help everyone de-stress a bit.  Even if you haven't had a rough week, you might enjoy it.  The video runs a bit over four minutes, hope you have the time to watch it.

NOTE: I tried to post this before and no one could see it. I've made some changes and hopefully it's now available. Please give the screen a minute or two to load, it's a huge file but then if you cannot see it, please email me at catsbrighteyes@gmail.com so I can pull it. Thanks, Cat

I received the PowerPoint presentation of this movie in one of those "forwarded by everyone" emails several years ago and thought it was beautiful and inspirational. I didn't change any wording (even left the "forward" message on the last page). The only thing I have done was modify the animations and timing and convert it to a video so that I could upload it. I believe the author is He Yan, at least that is the name on the first slide and the music is "Snowdream".


I hope you enjoy it.

Scottish Men

I was reading Part three of how Jim and Christina met and her introduction to DD. I had just gotten to the section in the reader comments where Jim, HoH hat firmly in place, had stepped in to end a war of words between a few ladies when I  received an email. I was expecting some information from a friend so flipped over to open it.  Instead of the email I was expecting, I received the following and it was sooooo appropriate, I just had to share (after I quit laughing).  :D

Scots vs. English

In the old days the English and Scottish armies used to fight by gathering their armies on top of the hills and at day break they would run down the hillside into the deep gorge below to fight.



One morning at dawn there was a fog (as thick as pea soup) and the two generals decided to refrain from fighting that day.



Whilst the two armies were resting a voice, with a Scottish accent, came from within the dense fog.  "Any one Scotsman can beat any 10 Englishmen".  With this, the English general sent down 10 of his soldiers.  There was a hell of a fight and NO ONE returned.



An hour later, the same voice was heard.  "Any one Scotsman can beat any 50 Englishman".  With this the English general sent down 50 of his soldiers.  The same thing, a terrible fight ensued and again NO ONE returned.



An hour later the same voice.  "Any one Scotsman can beat any 100 Englishman".  Down went 100 of the best.  NO ONE returned.



An hour later.  "Any one Scotsman can beat any 1,000 Englishman".  By this time, the English general had enough and was about to send down his elite soldiers, when he saw a lone Englishman crawling up the hill.  He was battered to a pulp.  As he reached his general he said, "Don't send any more troops down, its a trap, THERE'S TWO OF THE BASTARDS."

Guess that answers that question! LOL

Have a great weekend!