Funny Sayings

15 Funny Sayings You’ll Only Hear From A Southerner
 


No one has mastered the regional colloquialism like a born and bred southerner. These are the creators of the backhanded compliment, and the original shade throwers. There are thousands of sayings you'll only find a southerner saying, so we complied some of our favorites here along with explanations for you Yankees who just don't get it! Bless your heart.
 
15. I'm busier than a 2-dollar whore on nickel night.

Just another day of running around picking up dry cleaning, grocery shopping, taking the kids to soccer practice... but that's not as fun to say.
 
14. She could start an argument in an empty house.

This is the girl who will fight anyone about anything. You can tell her the sky is blue, and she'll tell you it's green just for the sake of argument.
 
13. She's about a useful as a screen door on a submarine.

As in, she's not useful at all. This is basically the dumbest one of the bunch.
 
12. That stinks so bad it could knock a buzzard off a gut wagon.

It is literally the worst thing you have ever smelt in your life.
 
11. I'm as fine as frog’s hair split four ways.
You are feeling GOOOOOOD. It doesn't necessarily need to mean you're drunk, you could be sober as a judge and not have a care in the world.
 
10. She's grinning like a possum eating a sweet potato.

Those poor possums, they eat nothing but other road kill and insects for a living so image if they got their little paws on a sweet potato! It's just a wide smile that comes out of pure bliss.
 
9. Last time I saw you, you were knee-high to a grasshopper.

This is normally uttered by an older man to a young family member he hasn't seen in a long time. This is actually one of the most common expressions you'll come across on this list.
 
8. He's about as confused as a fart in a fan factory.

This guy doesn't have a clue what's going on. Seriously, homie has no idea.
 
7. If leather were brains, she wouldn't have enough to saddle a junebug.

You guessed it, she is one dumb you-know-what. This is a one of a kind stupid.
 
6. You don't watch out, I'm gonna cream your corn.

You have pushed someones buttons just enough that they aren't just gonna let it go anymore. This is your last and final warning.
 
5. Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit!

Something has genuinely surprised you. This is something that you never thought would happen.
 
4. Colder than a banker's heart on foreclosure day at the widows' and orphans' home.

It's really, super freezing outside. Like, the coldest it has ever been.
 
3. You’d call an alligator a lizard.

You're a liar. You also have a problem giving credit where credit is due.
 
2. She's busier than a cat trying to bury her poop on a marble floor.

Seriously, this woman is never going to get everything done in time.
 
1. He squeezes a quarter so tight the eagle screams.

This is the cheapest guy you know. We all have that one friend who will only order water at a restaurant and never wants to buy you a gift over $10.

 

Courtesy of Rant Places

I’m sure that many of my Southern friends can add more to these.  I'll add the following:
Busier than a one-armed paper hanger.
Busier than a one-legged man in a butt kickin' contest.
That dog won't hunt.
More nervous than a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs.
Stick a fork in me and call me done!
Dumber than a box of rocks.