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Saturday, November 14, 2015
Tales of Dog Food
A man behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told him that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.
I told him that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a woman who was behind him.
Horrified, he asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told him no; I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.