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Monday, November 9, 2015
Short and Sweet
Two policemen call the station on the radio.
"Hello. Is that you Sarge?"
"We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"No sir. The floor is still wet."
A flight attendant on a United Air Lines cross-country flight nervously announced about 30 minutes outbound from LA, "I don't know how this happened but we have 103 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners."
When the passengers' muttering had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat will receive free drinks for the length of the flight."
Her next announcement came an hour later, "If anyone wants to change his mind, we still have 29 dinners available!"
Global Facts About Sex
At Any Given Moment:
FACT: 79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now!
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 person is reading this post.
You hang in there, Sunshine...
The Water Cure
A woman went to her Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.
"Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his
temper for no reason. It scares me."
The Physician replied, "Fortunately, I've a cure for your husband! When it appears that he is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start to swish it in your mouth. Just swish 'n swish, but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."
Two weeks later the woman returned to her Doctor, looking fresh and unstressed.
She said: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished 'n swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"
Her Doctor responded: "The water itself does nothing. Keeping your mouth shut is what does the trick."