Trouser Snake

The “trouser snake” is not found in trousers and is not actually a snake.
 

 
Snake-Like Amphibian Found In Brazil, Makes Us Blush | Geekosystem.
 
Last year, the Madeira River in Rondonia, Brazil was drained for a hydroelectric dam. At the very bottom, were six of these creatures, writhing about looking like p*nises, except that they’re all about 30 inches long. Now, biologists have confirmed that they are Atretochoana eiselti, an extremely rare species of caecilian with no known living population.
The A. eiselti were found last November, but the discovery was only made public after biologists confirmed the genus. Caecilians are limbless amphibians with rings like those of the earthworm. The A. eiselti is the largest tetrapod without lungs, breathing through its skin instead. It has fleshy dorsal fins on its back, and is thought to live in fast-flowing water.
Tip: Dr. Karl Shuker
Dr. Shuker has more on these strange animals which are getting a lot of attention just because it resembles the male member.
THE TRUTH ABOUT BRAZIL’S AMAZING ‘PE*NIS SNAKE’ – NOT A SNAKE, AND CERTAINLY NOT A…

 
During the past 24 hours, the world media has been full of stories concerning the supposed discovery in Brazil of a ‘new species’ of ‘blind snake’ that ‘resembles a human p*nis’. As is so often the case with media reports describing unusual, little-known animals, however, the truth is very different – as I shall now reveal in an attempt to set the facts straight regarding this beast once and for all.

In reality, although it is indisputably a most amazing and very distinctive form it is not a new species, it is not a snake, and its claimed afore-mentioned resemblance is very much in the eye of the beholder – or, to put it another way (so to speak!): if the relevant portion of my body looked like this creature, I’d be seriously worried!

 
Yeah, the Daily Mail is having a blast with this. But, really, the animals are interesting of themselves. They are not snakes. Caecilians are strange creatures with their own taxonomic order. They are not worms or snakes but amphibians with tiny or nonexistent eyes and some are LUNGLESS. Check out Dr. Shuker’s piece for more.

Courtesy of  http://doubtfulnews.com/

Oh all right…here’s a picture of a trouser snake for ya.    



Hope you enjoy!

Little Johnny

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is.
 

When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was.
 

His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''
 

''I still don't get it'' responded Little Johnny.
 
''Why don't you sleep on it then?  Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.
 
''Okay then...good night'' said Little Johnny and went off to bed.
 

**********************************
In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying.

He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper.
 

So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help.
 


**********************************
When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep.

Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there.
 


**********************************
So he went to the maid's room.

When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid.
 


**********************************
Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of sh*t!''

Courtesy of http://rfsproductions.ilyke.net/

One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying, "F**k this," "F**k that." 
 
 
The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says,"You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us." 
 
 
"Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny. 
 
"Yes," says the priest. 
 
 
"Is he in that bush over there?" asks Johnny. 
 
"Yes," says the priest." 
 
 
Is he in my wagon?" asked Johnny. 
 
"Yes," says the priest. 

 
 
"Well tell him to get the f**k out and push!!!"
 

Courtesy of http://rfsproductions.ilyke.net/

 

Why the Chicken Crossed the Road

 

And just what did you think the answer was going to be? LOL

 

Left-Handed Facts

 

The right side of the brain controls the left side of the body

The left side of the brain controls the right side of the body

Therefore left handed people are the only people in their right minds!    

Everyone is born right-handed…

Only the greatest can overcome it!  

Sponsors

  

How Do You Want Your Eggs?

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL!  Put in some more butter!  Oh my gosh!  You’re cooking too many at once.  TOO MANY!  Turn them!  TURN THEM NOW!  We need more butter.  Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?  They’re going to STICK!  Careful!  CAREFUL!  I said be CAREFUL!  You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking!  Never!  Turn them!  Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?  Have you LOST your mind?  Don’t forget to salt them.  You know you always forget to salt them.  Use the salt!  USE THE SALT!  THE SALT!’


The wife stared at him.  ‘What in the world is wrong with you?  You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’


The husband calmly replied,  ‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.

Courtesy of  ilyke.net

ROFLMBO!

Way Too Much!

It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper.

 

Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters.

 

The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn't coming back to him, drove home and went to bed.

 

He was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers. "Are you Mr. Johnson?" they asked?

 

He admitted that he was.

 

"Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?"

 

Again, the man admitted that was he.

 

"And what did you do then," the troopers asked."

 

The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed.

 

"Where is your car now?" the troopers enquired.

 

The man answered that it was in the garage.

 

"May we see the car?" asked the troopers.

 

The man answered, "Sure," and opened the garage.

 

Inside the garage was the state troopers car.

 

Oops!

The Hypnotist at a Senior Home

Here’s another giggle I received from Ami of Ami's Star Song.  Thanks so much Ami!

Hope y’all enjoy!
 
It was entertainment night at the senior citizen centre.
 

 
After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show…Claude the Hypnotist!
 
Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.
 
"Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time." said
Claude.


The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket; a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain.
 


"I want you to keep your eyes on this watch" said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see.
 
"It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations" said Claude.


He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting.
 
"Watch the watch…Watch the watch…Watch the watch"
 
 
The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth.

 
The lights were twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming
surfaces.

 
A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch.


 
They were hypnotized. 
  

And then, suddenly, the chain broke!!!

 
The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact.
 
 
"SHIT" said Claude.

 
 
It took them three days to clean the senior citizen centre and Claude was never invited there again.
 
ROFLMBO!

Son of a Beech or a Birch

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.


A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell.


Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.


The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"


The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree.


He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.  It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in." 

What are You Saying?

You are NOT going to believe this!  Or maybe you will. LOL The same ‘acquaintance’ (recently downgraded from ‘friendly acquaintance’) who sent 16 Reasons to Have Daily Sex Top 10 Things Men Want from You, and 8 Sex Toys Every Woman Should Own sent the following article.   

Now, before I get 'hate' mail from anyone, please know that I'm not insulted that she is thinking that maybe I am gay...my gay friends will attest to the fact that I totally support their lifestyle.  I am just getting a bit tired of all the 'helpful hints' she is sending as if I need to be 'fixed' in some way!

 

I have multiple email accounts and am getting ready to ‘kill’ the account that she knows and am considering not sharing my ‘new’ email address with her.  She’s getting just a bit much!  

However, there is the ‘entertainment’ factor…so what is your vote…keep her around for entertainment value or not give her my ‘new’ email.  Oh and no, she does not have either of my phone numbers. LOL

 

Is lesbian sex like lesbian porn?

No. Just like how heterosexual sex is not like porn. It's about two people understanding each other and connecting at an emotional level. Lesbian woman are not very different heterosexual couples.

Can two butch women have sex?

When it comes to two women, typically there is no 'man' in the picture. It's not just that one of them is always "a top" and the other "a bottom"... they often switch roles, sometimes during the middle of the same sex session.

Different Women like different things!

Some wanted to be touched in certain places, others don't. Every lesbian has different sex in different relationships, just like straight couples!

 

 

Do Lesbians Hit On Straight Women

You betcha! A lot of lesbian women will hit on straight women.
 
 

Sex Between Two Women is Unique

"When straight guys ask how lesbian sex works, I feel bad for their girlfriends... you are having some really bad sex" That's probably accurate.

 
 

Definitions of "Sex" are Fluid

Is it sexy? Are you in good company?

 

There's No "Right" Way

Just like heterosexual sex, lesbians can do whatever they want in bed! Women, just like heterosexuals take time to discover each other and understand each other's likes

 

Scissoring is confusing

Everyone, including lesbians, is confused by the idea of scissoring.
 

 

Was "Blue is the Warmest Color" Realistic?

For some, yes, for others, no! Note that the movie was made by a straight male.

Is lesbian sex oral sex?

Yes and no. Every person and every couple expressed themselves intimately in different ways.

Lesbian Sex is Better

For lesbians, yes.

If two women have sex are they both lesbians?

Not necessarily. They may both be bisexual, or perhaps experimenting with sexuality.

Can lesbians get STDs?

Women can give each other sexually transmitted infections, including HIV, chlamydia, and herpes.

Lesbians Are Virgins, right?

Even if a woman has only had sex with another woman, that's still sex, and she probably awkwardly lost her virginity like any heterosexual woman.

Do Lesbians Have Sex All The Time?

Lesbian couples do couple activities, like grocery shopping and watching TV. It's not all about sex!

Courtesy of   likes.com

Stay Young My Friend

We all need to read this one over and over…
until it becomes part of who we are!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1.  Try everything twice.
On one woman's tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph:
"Tried everything twice. Loved it both times!"


2.  Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down.
(Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)

3. Keep learning:
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever...
Never let the brain get idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.'
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!



4. Enjoy the simple things.





5. Laugh often, long and loud.
Laugh until you gasp for breath.
And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM / HER.

6. The tears happen:
Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.
LIVE while you are alive. 



7. Surround yourself with what you love:
whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever...
Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
 
9. Don't take guilt trips..
Take a trip to the mall, even to the next  city, state,to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
 
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
I love you, my special friend.


















11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second chance.


 

And if you don't send this to at least 4 people - who cares?

But do share this with someone. (So I'm sharing this with my blogland family!)

Remember! Lost time can never be found.

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. 

Wine does not make you FAT...

- it makes you LEAN...

(Against tables, chairs,  floors, walls and people.)

Misbehavin’

Two boys were misbehaving so their mother went to the local priest to look for advice.


The priest thought it would be best if the boys learned integrity, by way of understanding that "God is everywhere, and He sees everything you do so you shouldn't misbehave."


The mother and the priest thought it best that the priest talked to the boys, so the mother agreed to take the boys in one at a time to talk to the priest.


********************************************************************************

She brought the first boy (Ray) to the church and left the second boy (Jim) at home. She took Ray into the priest's office and stayed outside while the priest and Ray talked.


"Where is God?" The priest calmly asked expecting to make the point that "God is everywhere".


Ray, petrified, said nothing.


So the priest asked again slightly louder, "Where is God?!".


Ray still said nothing. So the priest stood up and slammed his hands on the desk yelling, "WHERE IS GOD?!?!".


Ray stood up and ran out of the office, past his mother, and ran all the way home.


 
He came screaming in the front door and ran straight to Jim's room.



He opened the door and said, "GOD IS MISSING AND THEY THINK WE TOOK HIM!"

Burnt Toast

Hey y’all…thanks to my ‘lovely’ internet provider, I have only been able to visit blog land via my phone which is not 4G or even 3G service so have not been able to visit many of you.  Could visit some  of your blogs and even comment a bit…others timed out or couldn't get my comment to submit.  Wonder if blogger bought my ISP…I swear, they both hate me!   grrrr 

Anyhoo, am up for now so am uploading more draft posts.  Will try to get around to visiting and answering all your emails and comments just as soon as I can.

This was on my Facebook  page today…just had to share it!  Hope you enjoy!

When I was a kid, my Mom liked to cook food and every now & then I remember she used to cook for us.

One night in particular when she had made dinner after a long hard day at work, Mom placed a plate of bread jam and extremely burned toast in front of my dad. 

I was waiting to see if anyone noticed the burnt toast. 

But Dad just ate his toast and asked me how was my day at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember I heard Mom apologizing to dad for burning the toast.

And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned toast."


Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his toast burned.

He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your momma put in a long hard day at work today and she was really tired.  And besides, a little burnt toast never hurts anyone but harsh words do!"

You know, life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. 

What I've learned over the years, is that learning to accept each others faults and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship. 

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. 

Love the people who treat you right and have compassion for the ones who don't.

ENJOY LIFE NOW.

Courtesy of Facts that will blow your mind

16 Reasons to Have Daily Sex

The ‘friendly acquaintance’ that has been sending  me articles, sent me the following one.  Good gravy…even though it is fun to share these with my friends, she’s getting a bit insulting.   I just might have to drop the ‘friendly’ and demote the woman to “acquaintance I don’t want to know!”  

 
Stressed, burdened with life’s difficult problems and fear that your health is declining?  Then sex is the answer to happiness, longevity and a healthy body.  You don’t agree?  Well, here is a list of the health benefits of sex, so do it daily to experience complete pleasure.  These are 16 reasons to have sex today!
 
1. De-stress
Sex helps you reduce stress. When deep breathing exercises fail to de-stress you, sex will do the needful.
 
During sex your body produces dopamine, a substance that fights stress hormones, endorphins, aka “happiness hormones” and oxytocin, a desire-enhancing hormone secreted by the pituitary gland.
 
In a study, published in the Public Library of Science journal, three neuroscience researchers conducted a test on male rats and found that the sexually active rats were less anxious than rats with no sexual activity.
 
 

2. Great Form of Exercise

Making love is a form of physical activity. During intercourse, the physiological changes in your body are consistent with a workout.  You must have noticed that the respiratory rate rises, which means you get tired.  Hence, you burn calories.  If you have sex three times a week for 15 minutes (but we know you can do better than that) you’ll burn about 7.500 calories in a year.  That’s the equivalent of jogging 75 miles!  Heavy breathing raises the amount of oxygen in your cells, and the testosterone produced during sex keeps your bones and muscles strong.
 
 

3. Lowers high blood pressure

Hugs and sex can improve your blood pressure.  Sex reduces diastolic blood pressure, that is, the bottom number while reading blood pressure.
 
Researchers with the University of Paisley conducted an experiment on the same.  They concluded that sex improves blood pressure.
 
 

4. Builds your immunity

Trying to fight the sniffles? Sex is the answer to fight cold and other health problems; sex can boost your immunity.
 
Immunoglobulin A, an antigen that fights the flu increases when the frequency of sex increases.
 
 

5. Makes You Look Younger

Making love three times a week can make you look 10 years younger, claims a Scottish researcher.  “It’s good for you to have good sex,” says David Weeks, a clinical neuropsychologist at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital, whose study on the effects of sex on aging appears in his book,Secrets of the Superyoung.
 
 

6. Healthy heart

Sex helps you burn calories but it can also improve your heart.  Sex will take care of stroke and heart attacks, you just have to enjoy the moment.
 
Scientists with New England Research Institute examined the effect of sex on the heart.  The study concluded that men are 45 percent less likely to experience cardiovascular diseases.  But the study fails to study the effect of sex on a woman’s heart.
 
 

7. Pain relief

Pleasure is the measure to beat out the pain.  Do you experience migraines and body pain?  Well sex is the answer.  But if you experience back pain, it is best to consult a doctor.
 
Dr. George E. Erlich, an arthritis specialist from Philadelphia conducted a study on the link between arthritis and sex.  He narrows down that patients who engaged in sex experienced less pain.
 
 

8. Builds trust and intimacy

The act of sex spikes the hormone oxytocin; this hormone is responsible for your happiness and love.  If your feel your relationship is falling out, there is trust or you’re worried that your partner will stray away, then sex will dispel these doubts.  The hormone oxytocin builds trust and brings couples closer, and cupid too.
 
 

9. Less chances of cancer

Regular ejaculation reduces your chances of developing prostate cancer.  In an Australian study men who ejaculated 21 times a month were least likely to develop cancer.  It is further supported by other researches that sexual intercourse reduces the risk of prostrate cancer.
 
 

10. Stronger pelvic muscles

Sex involves the use of several muscles; hence regular sexual intercourse can help you develop stronger pelvic muscles.  Further, since the act of sex involves a range of muscles, it also helps strengthen these muscles – for ex: quads, your core, and the upper back.  Through regular sex, you can also maintain a strong bladder and bowel function.
Strong muscles, calorie burner, improves heart health – sex seems to take care of you.
 
 

11. Prostate Protection

Most of the fluid you ejaculate is secreted by the prostate gland.  If you stop ejaculating, the fluid stays in the gland, which tends to swell, causing lots of problems.  Regular ejaculation will wash those fluids out and ensure the well being of your prostate until old age.  Problems may also occur when you suddenly change the frequency of ejaculations.
 
 

12. Induces sleep

After that great, lovely workout you are bound to get good sleep. But guess what?  Sex works the same way as exercise.  The increased heart rate leads to increased post-coital relaxation.  Sex could be the next thing for insomniacs!  So what really happens:

• Sex can relax you, hence if you are already tired, the act of sex will induce sleep.
• When men ejaculate they become lethargic, this can make them sleepy.

 
 

13. Regular periods

Apparently sex can improve your menstrual cycle.  Sex regulates hormones, which in turn regulate the menstrual cycle.  Sex reduces stress, which is one of the reasons women miss their periods.  Sex seems like a better option than pills.
 
 

14. Prevents Erectile Dysfunctions

Fifty per cent of men older than 40 suffer from erectile dysfunctions and all young men fear the moment when they won’t be able to get it up any more.  The best medicine against impotence is…sex.  An erection keeps the blood flowing through your penile arteries, so the tissue stays healthy.  Plus, doctors compare an erection to an athletic reflex: the more you train the more capable you are to perform.
 
 

15. Live longer

A healthy heart, stronger muscles, increased circulation of oxygen and happiness are some of the factors that add life to the years and as a result – years to your life.
 
A study published in the British Medical Journal reveals that men who engaged in sex often live twice as those who rarely had any action.
 
 

16. Healthier semen

If you’re trying to conceive, you increase the volume of semen if you have sex regularly.  Regular sex replaces old sperms from the testicles.  If there is a natural build of sperms it can lead to DNA damage.
 

Source: Prevent Disease via Why Don’t You Try This

 

British Humor is Different

Here’s another giggle I received from Ami of Ami's Star Song.  Thanks so much Ami!

Hope y’all enjoy!

BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites! FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale. JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer £100. WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. **** And the WINNER is... **** FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything. Statement of the Century  Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?" >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  Children Are Quick ____________________________________ TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this child) ____________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' ________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand..... ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. (I want to adopt this kid!!!) ___________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher __________________________________ PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH  Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel is being operated on a dimmer switch