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Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Zen Teachings

Here’s another giggle courtesy of our darlin’ Ami over at Ami's Starsong.  I have previously seen and even shared some of these before but love them all together like this.

1.  Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.

2.  Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

3.  No one is listening until you pass wind.

4.  Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5.  Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6.  If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

7.  Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9.  Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.

13. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... And most of that comes from bad judgment.

14. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

15. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

16. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

17. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

18. We were born naked, wet and hungry, and got slapped on our arse - then things just kept getting worse.

19. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

14 comments:

  1. Love these lol, hard to pick a favourite. Thank you Ami and Cat :)

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're welcome, Roz...I couldn't pick a favorite either. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete
  2. These were all new to me. I particularly like no. 10.
    Thanks Cat and Ami.
    Rosie xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is a good one, Rosie...well worth the money. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete
  3. I had heard a few of these...but they s till made me smile..
    hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I aim to please, Abby. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete
  4. Loved all of these thanks Ami and Cat
    Hugs Lindy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy you enjoyed them, Lindy. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete
  5. these are great...thanks for the smiles :-) Hugs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're welcome, Terps...happy to give out smiles. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete
  6. Loved them. Made me smile. Thanks Cat and Ami.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy to make you smile, Ronnie. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete
  7. Replies
    1. You're welcome, Sunny...happy to make you smile. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete

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