Honey Do’s

Meredith’s Jack over at New Twist, After All These Years is at it again!   Even though I posted a very similar giggle a few years ago, this is so funny I had to post it again!  

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A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, “honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now.”

He looks at her and says angrily, “fix the lights now? Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead? I don't think so.”
 

“Fine,” then the wife asks, “well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right.”

To which he replied, “fix the fridge door?  Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so.”
 

“Fine,” she says “then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They are about to break.”

“I'm not a carpenter and I don't want to fix steps” he says, “does it look like I have Home Depot written on my forehead? I don't think so!  I’ve had enough of you. I'm going to the pub!!!!”
 

So he goes to the pub and drinks for a couple of hours…
 

He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home.
 

As he walks into the house he notices that the steps are already fixed.
 

As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working.
 

As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
 

“Honey,” he asks, “how'd all this get fixed?”
 

She said, “well, when you left I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him.  He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake.”
 

He said, “so what kind of cake did you bake?”
 

She replied, “hellooooo…Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?  I don't think so!”
 

Oops!  Really gotta wonder how this is gonna turn out!

Prince Charming

Since this is going to be a short week which usually means extra work, thought I’d start it out with a bang! 

Warning…might want to make sure no one is looking over your shoulder before you scroll down.

 

 

Memorial Day 2016

I found the following posted on Facebook by a gentleman named Mark Bourland.  He gave permission for people to share it.  I think it’s most definitely worth reading!

“Memorial Day, originally called Decoration Day, is a day of remembrance for those who have died in service of the United States of America. Over two dozen cities and towns claim to be the birthplace of Memorial Day. While Waterloo N.Y. was officially declared the birthplace of Memorial Day by President Lyndon Johnson in May 1966, it’s difficult to prove conclusively the origins of the day.

Regardless of the exact date or location of its origins, one thing is clear – Memorial Day was borne out of the Civil War and a desire to honor our dead. It was officially proclaimed on 5 May 1868 by General John Logan, national commander of the Grand Army of the Republic, in his General Order No. 11. “The 30th of May, 1868, is designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion, and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village and hamlet churchyard in the land,” he proclaimed. The date of Decoration Day, as he called it, was chosen because it wasn’t the anniversary of any particular battle.

On the first Decoration Day, General James Garfield made a speech at Arlington National Cemetery, and 5,000 participants decorated the graves of the 20,000 Union and Confederate soldiers buried there.

The first state to officially recognize the holiday was New York in 1873. By 1890 it was recognized by all of the northern states. The South refused to acknowledge the day, honoring their dead on separate days until after World War I (when the holiday changed from honoring just those who died fighting in the Civil War to honoring Americans who died fighting in any war).”

 

A Retiree’s Job

Really don’t think I could have ever gotten away with saying something like this… How about you?

Proofreading

Examples Of Why Proofreading Is Rather Important…#13 Will Have You In Stitches
Proofreading, a very good skill to have.  Sure, we accept that everyone makes punctuation and spelling mistakes, but not usually like this!  The examples in this article will make you double take and ask yourself “did I read that right?”
 
Sure, it’s ok to make mistakes while writing or texting someone, however it’s not okay if your writing is on a public billboard!  Take a look at some of the signs that had us in laughter and tears.
 
1. Keep calm dude and don't hunt pedestrians.

Source: via justsomething
 
2. Sponge Bob is real?

Source: via justsomething
 
3. Well that's a good USP.

Source: via justsomething
 
4. Cultured.

Source: via justsomething
 
5. Great news, can I volunteer?

Source: via justsomething
 
6. It's good to know that. You're such a good employer.

Source: via justsomething
 
7. Why would you do that?

Source: via justsomething
 
8. Well you can't misinterpret this one, can you?

Source: via justsomething
 
9. Ladies and gentlemen, Americans have eaten the African continent.

Source: via justsomething
 
10. “The Proud Mommy“ grammar doesn't seem to ring any bell. Anyone?

Source: via justsomething
 
11. You are either a customer or a toad.

Source: via justsomething
 
12. This is what a porn area looks like apparently. Seems legit.

Source: via justsomething
 
13. Use commas or eat black people.

Source: via justsomething
 
14. Let me just say something, God Bless America!

Source: via justsomething
 
15. This is psychotic.

Source: via justsomething

Courtesy of viralfare

Irish Catholic Confession

‘Father’, he confessed, ‘it has been one month since my last confession.  I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month.’

The priest told the sinner, ‘You are forgiven.  Go out and say three Hail Mary's.’

 
Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. ‘Father, it has been two months since my last confession.  I've had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the past two months.’

This time, the priest questioned, ‘Who is this Nookie Green?’

‘A new woman in the neighborhood,’ the sinner replied.

‘Very well,’ sighed the priest.  ‘Go and say ten Hail Mary's.’


 
At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. 
 
The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. 
 
Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.

 
The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to reveal that she wasn't wearing any underwear.
 
The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, ‘Is that Nookie Green?’
 
The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply…


‘No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes.’  

Not Amused

Little Johnny at Dinner

Sure do love this kid.  Reminds me of me!  

Women are NOT Equal

Here’s a nice little giggle that was sent by a friend of our own PK over at New Beginnings.  Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!



Anyone disagree?   

Men

I am constantly seeing notes on Facebook talking about how men should spoil women and treat them like a queen but see very little about how women should treat men.  Interesting…  So thought I’d share a bit on the other side.

If he’s stressed, you can also hand him his favorite weapon of m’ass destruction, bend over and let him take his frustrations out on your tush.