Napping

Napping improves your stamina, boosts your creativity, reduces your stress, increases productivity, decision making ability, your sex life and much more.
 

Courtesy of Unbelievable facts

Me during our meetings!

Woohoo…proof!  Definitely gonna take more naps now!    

More Signs…

ROFLMBO!!!
And I betcha some of you are right there laughing with me!

The Appointment

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. 
 

Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor’s office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. 
 

I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am. 
 

The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn’t have any time to spare. 
 


As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn’t going to be able to make the full effort.
 
So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. 
 
I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.



I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. 
 


Knowing the procedure, as I’m sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.
 
I was a little surprised when the doctor said, “My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven’t we?” 

But I didn’t respond.
 
 

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal…Some shopping, cleaning, cooking.
 


After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, “Mommy, where’s my washcloth?”
 
 

I told her to get another one from the cupboard.
 
 

She replied, “No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.”

 
 

Never going back to that doctor again…

…

…

...

Never!"
 

Courtesy of Randomly Funny $tuff

Bubba and the Grill

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.

But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic.

And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.


 
The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."



Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.



The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.



There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."


ROFLMBO! Works for me!

Fishing Trip

Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years.

Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three mates get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"Wow Ron, how long you been here? How did you talk your missus into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since last night.  After dinner at home yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'  I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing sexy brand new lingerie.  She said she had been reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and she had a devilish look in her eyes!!!

She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over.

On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes!

She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.

And then she said, 'Do whatever you want.'

So . . . . here I am!" 


Oh my...'strange and soon to be ex-husband'?

Talkin' to You...

Who knows what they are saying but sure are giving some 'evil eye' looks!

Click on play and be patient...it may take a few seconds to load the video.

Hope you enjoy!

Retirement…

ROFLMBO!    

Spring?

Friends…

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I love collecting pictures and sayings that either give me a giggle or touch me in some way.  

Christina’s post on Rogue’s blog reminded me of some of the pictures and sayings I have received and collected.  So in honor of them and all my friends in blog land…

 

 

Thank you to all of you who are crazy nice enough to call me friend!  Hope you enjoy!      

A Good Week!

Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend!

Struggling?

 

 

Sending lots of positive energy to those of you who are struggling!

   ->  

Yes, I did publish 2 posts today...I had the other one scheduled and then saw that more than a few dear women were struggling so decided to create this post.  Forgot to unschedule the other one and noticed it had gone up after I published this.  So everyone can enjoy a twofer! LOL

Tools…

 Works for me!

 And I love the neon colors of duct tape!!!!

Yes, I did publish 2 posts today...I had this one scheduled and then saw that more than a few dear women were struggling so decided to create my other post.  Forgot to unschedule this one so noticed it had gone up after I published the other one.  Hey...twofer! LOL

People of Wal-Mart

 

ROFLMBO!

Who Should Make the Coffee?

 

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, "You are in charge of the cooking around here so you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides it says in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that! Show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says, "HEBREWS."

Chocolate Gravy

I haven’t shared a recipe in a while so thought I would share another favorite recipe from my grandpa.  

Grandpa used to make this for all the grandkids as a special treat for breakfast, an afternoon snack, or after supper dessert.  BTW, the adults loved it also.

Never heard of chocolate gravy?  Oh my, you had a deprived childhood. LOL

And just how do you serve chocolate gravy you might ask.  With homemade or canned ‘country style’ biscuits. 
 

 
Ingredients
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 cup white granulated sugar
2 cups milk
1 tablespoon butter
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
 
Directions

1. Whisk the cocoa, flour, and sugar together in a saucepan until well-blended (no lumps of sugar or flour).
2. Add the milk slowly whisking it into the mixture.
3. Whisk until smooth.
4. Cook over medium heat, whisking frequently, until it is the consistency of gravy (approximately 8 to 10 minutes).
5. Remove from heat.
6. Whisk in butter and extract until the butter is melted.
7. Serve immediately over biscuits.

Notes

• Use a whisk throughout the mixing/stirring and you will not have any lumps.
• If the gravy gets too thick, you can add more milk a tablespoon at a time until it reaches the desired consistency.
• For a different flavor or if you don’t care for vanilla, you can substitute almond extract.
• You can substitute an equal amount of Stevia in the Raw, Splenda or any other sugar substitute for the granulated sugar.
•  DO NOT use the flaky type of canned biscuits.

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask and if you try the recipe, as always, I would love any feedback you would care to give.


Hope you enjoy!

Women Live Longer…

ROFLMBO! 

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

 

 


Paddy and Sean are planning to go out on St Patrick's Day, but only have 50 cents between them.

Paddy has an idea, he takes the 50 cents of Sean, goes to a butchers and buys a sausage.

Sean is really pissed off at first that Paddy spent their last money on a sausage, but Paddy lets him in on his plan.

"We are going into the next pub, order two pints, drink them and when it comes to paying you go down on your knees, unzip my trousers, pull the sausage out and start sucking on it"

So, they go into the first pub and do exactly as Paddy suggested. The barmaid is disgusted by the sight and kicks the two out.

Paddy says: "see it works, we didn't pay did we?"

As Paddy's plan seems to be working they carry on doing it...

In the 12th pub, both are quite drunk by now, Sean isn't looking to good. They have just finished their pints...

 
Sean: "I can't do this anymore Paddy my bloody knees are hurting as f***...!"

 

Paddy: "No worries...I lost that bloody sausage in the third pub!"

  

 

Time Out

Received this in an email from a vanilla friend today!

ROFLMBO
Wonder if she’s trying to tell me something…

Chicken Sandwiches

Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what...


A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.

Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch.

They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day!

This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't chicken.




He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?"

She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it."

"Why?" he asked.

She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"



"Let me see."  he said.

"Okay" and she showed him...

He looked and said, "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken."




He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter.




He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!"



She asked if she could look, so he showed her!




She said, "Oh, my God, it's too late for you!...You've already got the NECK and GIZZARDS!!!" 



ROFLMBO!

Every Day

The Anniversary Dance

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small town. 

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you.

" Yes," she says, "I remember it well.

" OK," he says, "how about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old time's sake?

 
There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, having a chuckle to himself.  He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence.  I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble."  So he follows them.


They walk haltingly along leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. 

 
Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. 


The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers. 
"Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers.

 
She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in.

Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen.

They are bucking and jumping like eighteen- year-olds.

This goes on for about forty minutes!

She's yelling, "Ohhh, God!"

He's hanging on to her hips for dear life.

This is the most athletic sex imaginable.

Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.


The policeman is amazed.
He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, he was going like a train.
I've got to ask him what his secret is.


As the couple passes, he says to them, "That was something else! You must have been having sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? "You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of a secret?"



The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."


LOL

Non-Invisible Bank Robber Caught

In the long list of criminal dos and don’ts, one of the top pieces of advice – above not robbing a CCTV camera shop, or not forging banknotes with running ink – has to be ‘never rob a bank thinking that you’re invisible when you’re not actually invisible.’

Sadly for one man in Iran, he made just that mistake – and as a result, police in Tehran are hunting a fake sorcerer who convinced the man he was invisible and so could rob banks safely.

The man’s ill-fated heist attempt started to go wrong shortly after he entered the bank, as he started snatching money from the hands of customers.  For some reason, rather than being terrified of the mysterious invisible poltergeist stealing their cash, the customers quickly overpowered the hapless thief.

‘I made a mistake. I understand now what a big trick was played on me,’ the man told the court, state-run newspaper Jam-e Jam reports.

He explained that he had paid 5 million rials (just under £290) to a wizard imposter, who in return gave him spells to tie to his arm.  The sorcerer told him that they would make him invisible, and that he could then rob banks to his heart’s content.


 

Courtesy of Metro

So, should he be jailed for attempted bank robbery, stupidity or both?   LOL

Life…

 

Just Remember…

 



BTW, even though some of you have asked questions which I have answered on my Q&A post, you are still free to ask any questions for March Q&A.