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Sunday, July 26, 2015

OLD is When...

Some old ones, but some new...always worth a smile.

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today...'

The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.'


As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming up,' says the bartender


As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy   you one, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming right up,' the bartender says.


As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity.  Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'

The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor.  Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'

 
‘OLD’ IS When...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'
 
‘OLD’ IS When...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
 
‘OLD’ IS When...
A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
 
‘OLD’ IS When...
Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
 
‘OLD’ IS When...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police
 
‘OLD’ IS When...
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.
 
‘OLD’ IS When...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.
 
‘OLD’ IS When...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.
 
And last but not least…
 
‘OLD’ IS When...
You are not sure these are jokes.  Winking smile

14 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Happy to hear that Minelle. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  2. Hmm, some things to look forward to lol. These are too funny Cat, thanks for the giggle :)

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're welcome Roz...happy you enjoyed these. Not sure looking forward is the term I would use. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete
  3. Oh gosh these things don't bear thinking about :(
    love Jan,xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree Jan...really not looking forward to them. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete
  4. As a 'more mature' person, these are funny and I know what to look forward to tomorrow. lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy you enjoyed them Sunny...not really looking forward to any of these and I'm sure you have a ways to go before you 'look forward' to any of them. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete
  5. Hi Cat, these are funny, the old lady is definitely my favourite.Thank you for the good laugh.

    hugs

    Nina

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're welcome Nina...she is funny isn't she. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete
  6. These are funny Cat. Old lady one my favourite, Thanks for the laugh.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy you enjoyed them Ronnie...at least she can hold her liquor. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete
  7. I am laughing so hard I think I peed....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL Blondie...don't get the rest of us started. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete

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