Adult Content Warning

You have entered a site intended for ADULTS ONLY. If you are under the age of 18, or if it is illegal to view such material in your community, please exit this site immediately. This site contains mature content including but not limited to; articles, discussions, pictures and other materials that some people may find offensive. If such materials offend you, please exit this site immediately.

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Men vs. Women

Revenge
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. 

'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
 
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.  

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. 

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day. 30,000 to a man's 15,000. 

The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
 
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.
 
'Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
 
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the Old Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says... 'HEBREWS'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.  

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,  he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.   The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up..'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a  rough draft before
the masterpiece!

14 comments:

  1. We laughed and laughed!
    I thought here in this world the silent treatment is a big no no! Lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy you both enjoyed it Minelle. Nope...silent treatment would not have worked with Matthew...I would have been OTK with him saying something like "let's see how long you can be silent!" LOL

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

      Delete
  2. Oh these are so funny!!!! But I wouldn't be able to sit for a week if I pulled that silent treatment stunt! LOL Thanks, Lisa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL Lisa...see my answer to Minelle above...I wouldn't have been able to sit if I had pulled that either. ;)

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

      Delete
  3. It's a mans world, but it ain't nothing without a woman or a girl.

    Thanks Cat,
    Han

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're welcome Han...do like your saying...thanks for sharing. ;)

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

      Delete
  4. Oh Cat these are so funny, all of them had us laughing
    love Jan,xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So happy you both enjoyed them Jan. ;)

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

      Delete
  5. These are so funny Cat, love them! Thank you for the giggle :)

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're welcome Roz...happy you enjoyed them. ;)

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

      Delete
  6. Ha, ha, ha... Cat, thank you. I love them. I must remember them.. to tell them to Leo...lol..

    Hugs,
    Mona Lisa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're very welcome ML...happy you enjoyed them...hope Leo does also. ;)

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

      Delete
  7. These are too funny, Cat T! Thanks for sharing. LOLOL about the wake up notes!!! Now that woman had some guts! :) Many hugs,

    <3 Katie T

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy you enjoyed them Cuz! The wake up notes is something I would have done in my younger years before I got control of my temper. ;) And yes, she did have some guts!

      Hugs and Blessings...
      Cat

      Delete

Thanks for stopping by. Respectful comments are always welcome.