911 in the South

This is an example of why some folks don't want to live in the South.  

 

Believe it or not, these are Memphis, Tennessee's REAL 911 Calls!

 

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?

Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.

Dispatcher: Do you have an address?

Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?

Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich .

Dispatcher: Excuse me?

Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.

Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?

Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?

Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.

Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.

Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one

Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.

Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?

Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart

Dispatcher: Is this her first child?

Caller: No, you idiot!  This is her husband!

And the winner is...

Dispatcher: 9-1-1

Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing.  I'm all out of breath.  Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.

Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?

Caller: I'm at a pay phone.  North and Foster.

Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way.  Are you an asthmatic?

Caller: No

Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?

Caller: Running from the Police.

Courtesy of Cop Humor

Penis Post

I was chatting with some ladies last night and the subject turned to penises…hmmm…can’t imagine how.  Anyhoo…I told them that if I had time, I would publish a post regarding penises tonight. 


So…for the ladies who were in the Thursday night chat…this one is dedicated to you!  Enjoy!   

Did ya know you can win trophies for masturbating?

 

Anyone else done this or something similar?   

The look on his face = Priceless!

Hope this starts your weekend off with a grin.

What do You See?

Many times, what we see is interpreted through our experiences.  

Look at the bottle below... 

What did you see in the picture?   I bet you saw a couple in an intimate pose, right?

Interestingly, research has shown that young children cannot identify the intimate couple because they do not have prior memory associated with such a scenario.

What they WILL see, however, is the nine dolphins in the picture!

Now the question is, can you find the dolphins at all?  If so, how many can you find?

Facts that will blow your mind

 

Human Resources

The following is a suggestion from a Human Resources Manager.

How to Properly Place New Employees . . .

1.     Put 400 bricks in a closed room.

2.  Put your new hires in the room and close the door.

3.  Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.

4. Then analyze the situation:

a.  If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.

b.  If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.

c.    If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.

d.  If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.

e.    If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.

f.     If they are sleeping, put them in Security.

g.  If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.

h.  If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.

i.     If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.

j.      If they have already left for the day, put them in Management.

k.  If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.

l.      If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management.

m.           Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heard from, put them in Congress.

Now you know what to do it you are in charge of properly placing new employees.

If you are locked in a room with a bunch of bricks, you know how you need to behave in order to get the job you want! 

Creepiest Places on Planet Earth

 

#10 Kabayan

Kabayan is a collection of man made caves in The Philippines. Each cave is filled with mummies. Kabayan mummies are some of the best preserved on earth, and Kabayan is overflowing with them. And there are so many caves that it's easy to get lost...among thousands of mummies...that look spry enough to leap right out of their pods.

via http://cdn.viralnova.com/
 

#9 The Island of the Dolls

Once upon a time, the legends say, a little girl drowned in a canal surrounding an uninhabited island in Mexico. Days after they found the body, dolls began to float to the island. No one is 100% sure where the dolls came from. But today, they hang from trees. Now the area is nicknamed Island of the Dolls.

via http://cdn.viralnova.com/
 

#8 The Door to Hell

That's right kids. Hell is a very real place. The doorway leading to it can be found in Turkmenistan. This literal hell hole was created by Soviet scientists. When they discovered natural gas in the pit, they started a fire to burn it off. That fire has been burning for the past 40 years. Not scary enough? Spiders are attracted to the spot and gather around the door to hell by the thousands.

via http://cdn.viralnova.com/

 

 

#7 Hellingly Hospital

Hellingly Hospital in East Sussex, England is a real life insane asylum straight out of a horror movie. It opened in 1903 and lobotomized and electrocuted it's patients for 90 years until it was finally shut down. The building has been abandoned since 1994. Every year, a few photographers are brave enough to visit Hellingly Hospital. The pictures are right out a nightmare.

via http://i.imgur.com/
 

#6 Akodessewa

The Akodessewa Fetish Market may be the best place in the world to fall prey to a voodoo curse. This fetish market has all of the shrunken heads and mummified remains that the indigenous people of Togo need to practice their craft. But it's not all mummies and parts. There are bones, cauldrons and mysterious potions as well. Tourists have been officially advised to avoid Akodessewa when at all possible.

via http://theadventourist.com/
 

#5 The Matsuo Ghost Mine

The Matsuo Ghost Mine haunts northern Japan. It was once the largest sulfur mine in East Asia. But it was abandoned in the 1970s. Since then, it's been a ghost town that's shrouded in thick mist. It's so heavy that sometimes the city of Matsuo is nearly impossible to find.

via http://i.imgur.com/

 

 

#4 Centralia, Pennsylvania

Centralia is a real life Silent Hill. It was once a prosperous mining town -- until miners accidentally set the mines beneath it on fire. The coal veins underneath Centralia have been on fire since 1962. Today, Centralia is abandoned except for the smoke that pours out of the cracks in the ground. But thrill seekers still visit the ghost town -- just probably not at night.

via http://cdn.viralnova.com/
 

#3 Prague's Old Jewish Cemetery

Regular cemeteries are terrifying. But Prague's Old Jewish Cemetery is 11 cemeteries stacked on top of one another. That's 11 times the corpses laying under your feet. It's also 11 times the creep-out factor.

via http://i.imgur.com/
 

#2 The Catacombs

Paris doesn't immediately spring to mind when thinking about the creepiest places on earth. But underneath the croissants and cobblestone streets are miles of underground tunnels. And those tunnels are filled with the bones of dead Frenchmen. When Paris' cemeteries began to fill up, the French simply began to shove corpses away underground. At last count, there were around 6 million bodies stored in the deep, dank passageways of Paris.

via http://www.eveandersson.com/
 

#1 Aokigahara Forest

Aokigahara is Japan's suicide forest. Walk through it and you run serious risk of stumbling into a dead body. So many people have "visited" Aokigahara Forest that park rangers have put up signs that say "life is precious" and "think of your family." Park rangers still have to make regular trips into the forest to collect what bodies they can find. Sometimes, inquisitive tourists stumble upon the sites.

via http://i.imgur.com/
 

Courtesy of Randomly Funny Stuff

 So what do you think?  Anyone willing to tour these places?

Four Things

As we start a new week, thought I’d share some wise words to live by.

Memorial Day Weekend

As you enjoy this Memorial Day weekend having picnics, watching NASCAR, boating, barbecuing, drinking a bit, please take a moment to remember those who have made sacrifices...some, the ultimate sacrifice so you may have your freedom!

Thank you to all who have worn our Country's uniform in the past, and to those who wear it today. Thank you also to the sacrifices made by all your families!

Lost Cat

 

No…it’s not this Cat that is lost! 

 

ROLFMBO!!!   

Independent Artists

I shared this on Facebook but wanted to share it here for all my artistic friends (authors, artists, woodworkers, jewelers, chefs, etc.) here in blog land.  

 
You are all so talented…thank you for sharing your gift  with us.

Toxic Relationships

Any type of relationship you may have (lover, spouse, family, friends, employer) that harms your self-esteem...makes you doubt your own worth is, by my definition, toxic. 

If you have ever been unlucky enough to be involved in a toxic relationship, you know how harmful and painful they can be.

Even though it can and probably will break your heart, you have the right to protect and remove yourself from that relationship.

If you are unable to view the above video, you can click the following link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mN8oN8I3lrk 

When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high 
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At the end of a storm is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind.
Walk on through the rain.
Though your dreams be tossed and blown.

Walk on, walk on, with a hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone.
You'll never, ever walk alone.

Walk on, walk on, with a hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone.
You'll never, ever walk alone.

 

Walk on, walk on, with a hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone.
You'll never, ever walk alone.

Guess they didn't read the sign!  ROFLMBO!

Ya know I had to end this with a bit of a giggle.

Cat’s Lemonade

Haven’t shared a recipe for a while.  While I was speaking with a friend today, I suggested she make some lemonade and we started talking about how to make it.  
 
 
Okay…I can hear y’all right now saying “Cat’s gonna give us a recipe for lemonade?  Right…like we really need one…Sheesh…mix lemon juice, sugar and water…what’s the big deal! “  LOL
 


Well, I’ll tell ya…the secret to my lemonade recipe is to use cooled simple syrup. This allows the sugar to completely dissolve and blends beautifully with the lemon juice.
 

Ingredients:

• 1 cup sugar
• 1 cup water
• 1 cup lemon juice (approx. 8 medium lemons )
• 4 cups cold water

 
Instructions for Simple Syrup:
1.Mix 1 cup of sugar with 1 cup of water in a small saucepan.
2. Bring to a boil and stir frequently until sugar is completely dissolved. 
3. Pour into small jar or pitcher and refrigerate.
 

Instructions for Lemonade:

1. Squeeze lemons to make 1 cup of juice.
2. Pour into pitcher.
3. Add the simple syrup and stir well.
4. Add  4 cups of cold water, stir well and chill.
5. Pour over ice and enjoy!
 

Notes:

• For tarter lemonade, start with 1/2 cup of sugar for the simple syrup.
• For sweeter lemonade, start with 1 1/2 cups of sugar for the simple syrup.
• Once the lemonade is made, you can always adjust it by adding more lemon juice to make it tarter or more simple syrup to make it sweeter.
• I have substituted Splenda, cup for cup, for a sugar-free version.  I have not tried with other sweeteners but am assuming they would work also. 
• You can use this same recipe and use limes to make limeade…will probably take approximately a dozen limes unless they are unusually big.

• You can substitute sparkling water for the 4 cups of cold water for a bit of fizzy fun.
• Before squeezing the lemons or limes, roll them on the cutting board, applying pressure with the heel of your hand. This will make it easier to get the juice out.

 
Special Note:

• For a special treat, you can puree strawberries with a bit of sugar (1 pint of strawberries/2 teaspoons sugar) and then stir 2 – 3 tablespoons of the puree into a glass of lemonade or limeade.
• Do this per glass…do not mix a whole batch unless you plan to finish it immediately.
• You can also add a shot of vodka for an extra special treat!  LOL