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Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Fight With His Wife

He Confessed That Last Night’s Fight With His Wife Was His Fault. What He Said Next Is Hilarious.
 
For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this.  For those of you not old enough, you will see what you missed.  Either way, his humor was always clean, and he was a great entertainer.  A rerun of great one liner’s from the man who was known for his clean humor.  I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more.
 
RED SKELTON’S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
 
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
 
2. We also sleep in separate beds.  Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.
 
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
 
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.  She said…‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!’  So I suggested the kitchen.
 
5. We always hold hands.  If I let go, she shops.
 
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.  She said ‘There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!’  So I bought her an electric chair.
 
7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor.  I asked where the car was.  She told me, ‘In the lake.’
 
8. She got a mud-pack, and looked great for two days.  Then the mud fell off.
 
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, ‘Am I too late for the garbage?’  The driver said, ‘No, jump in!’
 
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
 
11. I married Miss Right.  I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
 
12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.  I don’t like to interrupt her.
 
13. The last fight was my fault though.  My wife asked, ‘What’s on the TV?’  I said, ‘Dust!’
 
Can’t you just hear him say all of these?  I love it.  These were the good old days when humor didn’t have to start with a four letter word…It was just clean and simple fun.
 
Courtesy of ViralSlot
Open-mouthed smile

12 comments:

  1. I did love him - I remember his skit as "little boy" - he would say, "If I do it I get a whipping. I don't care I do it anyway!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had forgotten all about that skit, PK! Thanks for the reminder. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  2. I liked Freddie the Freeloader!

    Hugs,
    Ella

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    Replies
    1. That was a good one also, Ella. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  3. Replies
    1. It was fun wasn't it, Minelle. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete
  4. I don't remember Red Skelton, but these were hilarious. Good clean humour as you said Cat.Thank you for sharing this and for the giggle :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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    Replies
    1. Happy you enjoyed it, Roz...not sure if his show ever made it outside the US. You might search YouTube and see if any of his skits are there. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  5. Never heard of him, but we have comedians like this over here too
    love Jan, xx

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    Replies
    1. I'm sure you have some very good comedians, Jan. As I told Roz...not sure if he or his show ever made it outside the US. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  6. I do remember Red...and the good 'old' days of clean and funny shows..thanks for reminding us.
    hugs abby

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    Replies
    1. You're welcome, Abby. I think the comedians who actually had to work up 'clean' jokes and skits were much more talented than those that curse words and trashing others.

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

      Delete

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