The Mathematics of Life

We all studied mathematics in school, but much of what we learnt is not applicable to our day-to-day lives. There is, however, a whole other field of mathematics that we were not taught – the math of life. These are the prime equations and proofs that anyone should know, as they apply to life, love, and the pursuit of happiness.

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

 

Smart boss + Smart employee = Profit
Smart boss + Dumb employee = Production
Dumb boss + Smart employee = Promotion
Dumb boss + Dumb employee = Overtime
 

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

 

Smart man + Smart woman = Romance

Smart man + Dumb woman = Affair

Dumb man + Smart woman = Marriage

Dumb man + Dumb woman = Pregnancy

 

SHOPPING PROOFS

A man will pay $2 - for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 - for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

 

General Formulas:

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man - you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman - you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

 

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men,

but married men are a lot more willing to die.

 

 

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change - but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change - but she does.

 
 
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
(Then she worries about the husband...)
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who finds such a man.
 

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.