A Little Humor From Across the Pond

This is a bit of British humor that actually did not come from our darlin’ Ami or from any other Brit in blogland.

 

Things We Don't Often, If Ever, See

Aerial view of Central Park, New York

 

Second-hand mobile phone market – China

Any type of guarantee come with these?

 

Ship & tugboat - Corinth Canal, Greece

Ooh…that ship sure can’t gain any weight!

Imagine a drunk tugboat captain weaving…oops!

 

Magdeburg Water Bridge - Germany

500 Million Euros, 6 Years to build

918 Meters in length

 

Golf course

Betting this is somewhere in Australia…

Wonder if these kangaroos understand ‘fore!’

 

Tibetan Mastiff Dog - Sold for 1.5 Million Dollars

 

 

Overhead view of a carpet of flowers - Brussels, Belgium

How beautiful!

 

 

India -  As if one head wasn't bad enough!

The only good snake is a dead one! 

 

 

Window washers at Children's Hospital - U.S.A.

 

 

Nature's bridge - India

 

Living on the edge

Life will always find a way.

 

El Penon de Guatape

650 Ft. stone -  Colombia

 

Camouflaged mobile phone tower - U.S.A.

Umm…don’t think you’re actually foolin’ anyone.

 

 

Statues bigger than you thought - Easter Island

Wow!

 

Aerial view of 7,000 trees planted to form guitar on a farm in Argentina

Why?

 

Supercell storm cloud - U.S.A.

 

Aerial view of Niagara Falls

 

Most beautiful horse in the world

 

Buttress tree roots - Costa Rica

Passport Renewal

Another joke from our darlin’ Ami over at Ami's Starsong. 
 
AUSTRALIAN LETTER - I think the sender might have been upset!

This is an actual letter sent to the DFAT (Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade) Immigration Minister.  The Government tried desperately to censure the author, but got nowhere because every legal person who read it couldn’t stop laughing!

Dear Mr. Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.

How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a television set and golf clubs and condoms from them back in 1997, and yet the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years.

It is also on my driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off planes over the past 30 years.

It's also on all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.

Also... would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey, my father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely bloody astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop dead !!!

SHIT! What do you people do with all this information we keep having to provide?

I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning.

Between you and me, I've had enough of all this bullshit!

You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bloody address!

What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal arseholes working there!

And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter.  (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl).  And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether or not I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? In the unlikely event I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other side of Sydney , and get another bloody copy of my birth certificate - and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?

Nooooo…that'd be too bloody easy and makes far too much sense.

You would much prefer to have us running all over the bloody place like chickens with our heads cut off, and then having to find some 'high-society' wanker to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo...the one where we're not allowed to smile?...you bloody morons.

Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen..

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in 'high-society' to confirm that it's me?
                         
Well, my family has been in this country since before 1820! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor.  (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!)

I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army for something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances. I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL...Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.

However, your rules require that I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am; you know...someone like my doctor - WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN BLOODY PAKISTAN!...a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers - and are suspended from the Commonwealth and United Nations for not having the "right sort of government"...

You are all pen-pushing paper-shuffling bloody idiots!

Yup…I would have to agree…the sender is just a tad bit upset. *snicker*

King Arthur and the Old Ugly Woman

A vanilla friend and our darlin’ Ami over at Ami's Starsong both sent me the following fairy tale.  Hope you enjoy the moral of the story. 
 
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
 
The question?...What do women really want?  Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
 
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
 
Many people advised him to consult the old ugly woman, for only she would have the answer.
 
But the price would be high; as the woman was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
 
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the old woman. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
 
The old ugly woman wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!
 
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
 
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
 
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
 
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the woman answered Arthur's question thus:
 
What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.
 
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the woman had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
 
And so it was, the neighbouring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the ugly woman had a wonderful wedding.
 
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.
 
The young beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared ugly, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
 
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?
 
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old ugly woman? Or, would he prefer having a hideous woman during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
 
What would YOU do?
 
What Lancelot chose is below.
 
 
BUT...make YOUR choice before you scroll down below.
…
…
…
OKAY?
…
…
…
…
…
…
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
 
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
 
Now...what is the moral to this story?
The moral is...
 
If you don't let a woman have her own way...
 
Things are going to get f*cking ugly.

3 Holy Men and 3 Bears

It has been a crazy week between my SIL's hospitalization and some freakin' crazy hours at work.  I know I am way behind and owe replies to more than a few of you... please be patient...I hope to get replies to everyone by the end of the weekend.   Thank you for your patience.

Meanwhile...here's another joke from our darlin’ Ami over at Ami's Starsong. 

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
 

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.
 

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.
 
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.

'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.

Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'


 
Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist, spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.

In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.

So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!


 
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.

The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, Circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

ROFLMBO…he just might have a good point there.

The Phone Call

Quick Update on SIL:  My brother brought her home from the hospital this evening.  So surprised that they are sending her home this quickly but…  He is taking the rest of the week off work to take care of her.  I want to thank all of you so much…I truly believe all the prayers, healing energy and positive thoughts you have sent have been instrumental in her recovery!

 

Received the following giggle from our friend George over at George's Hangar.  If you haven’t visited him before, please go check out his awesome photographs.

 

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

 

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

 

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

 

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2014 models. I saw one I really liked"

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$140,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

 

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. If it's really a pretty good price."

 

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

 

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

 

 

He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

Update and When You Think You’re Not Good Enough

Update on my SIL:  She has been moved out of ICU and into a private room.  They did insert a stent and the cardiologist met with my brother and SIL and has indicated that although there is no permanent damage to her heart, she will have to take medications the rest of her life to keep her system from rejecting the stent.  He also said it would be 8 months to a year before she has fully recovered.  Will keep you informed as we know more.  Thank you to all for the prayers, healing energy and positive thoughts...I know they are helping her to heal! 


There are a few of my friends here in blogland that really need to read and absorb the information from  this article but we can all benefit from it!
 


11 Things to Remember When You Think You’re Not Good Enough

The best way to move forward is to be present and put our full focus on the now in a positive manner. When we feel good about the things that are going well and display gratitude for what we have we allow for more of those good things to come to us.

Some days turn out better or worse than others – that’s a fact. But ultimately, the way we feel about our life and ourselves has the biggest impact on the outcome of each day. Happiness and confidence can create outcomes that exceed our expectations, like a continual ray of sunshine even on a cloudy day.

But, when we are down on ourselves,especially when we think we are not good enough, life can easily and quickly take a turn for the worse.  We can unexpectedly find ourselves entrenched in a deep, dark hole. When we repeatedly allow ourselves feel this way for days, weeks or even months at a time, it can have detrimental effects on our happiness, health, relationships, and careers.


That’s why it’s best to prevent a self-esteem slide. Sometimes the smallest bit of inspiration can help us turn things around when we feel we are not good enough.

Here is a quick list of 11 things to remember when you think you’re not good enough. Save this for yourself, you never know when you may need it and share it with others. Let’s put an end to the false reality of the negative belief, “you’re not good enough”!

 
1. Life is about progress, not perfection. Strive for excellence!
Life is perfectly imperfect. Striving for perfection is not necessarily a bad thing – it makes you reach higher and work harder. However, it’s a goal that can be rather unattainable and you will always be working on being “perfect”. This may leave you feeling like you are “not good enough”, especially in a world where the race toward “perfectionism” usually involves losing who you truly are to emulate what others think you should be.

Instead, strive for excellence. Excellence is far superior and you can create the level of personal excellence that works for you and where you are.  Most of us are juggling so many tasks in so many areas that we cannot possibly perfect in every area and still be happy, but we attain excellence and it’s far more rewarding!

 

2. What you do right NOW can create a better outcome.
Nothing is written in stone, unless it’s in the past. Even then we can change the way we perceive it. We can’t truly predict the future, because it’s ever changing based on what we do right now.

The same is true when we focus on negative, however, positive thinking is much more powerful and reigns supreme. In fact, some say it is 1000x stronger. So, no matter what happened,, be grateful you are still here to correct it and move forward. Take this time, even if it’s an eensy-weensy minute, and take a deep breath, focus on the good and allow yourself the ability to help create a better outcome.

 
3. Positive thinking is your birthright.
No matter what situation you are in, positive thinking can and will always come to your rescue if you allow it. The power of positivity is a gift to us from divine energy. Divine energy is nothing BUT positive energy.
If you want things to turn around for your highest good you must keep your faith, release fear, and keep your focus on solutions. Positive thinking is your birthright. It can always improve any situation, no matter how dire it may appear.



4. There is more RIGHT with you than wrong with you.
Even during your struggles, don’t forget to focus on your strengths. Too often our culture looks at each other’s “weaknesses” and wants to put focus on improving them. While having a balanced mind, body and soul is important some of our weaknesses exist to balance some of our greatest strengths.
When we switch our focus to what is right about ourselves, we could probably write down a long list. In fact, if you need to do that exercise, do it! Focus on your strengths and what you do well. In the areas that you could improve, be reasonable with yourself and if it’s an area you truly believe you need to improve create action steps to do so. Either way, there IS more right with you than wrong with you.

 

5. Everyone makes mistakes!
The positive perspective and the real truth about mistakes are that they are an opportunity to teach us something and allow us to grow.  At times they can also point out our weaknesses so that we can grow stronger in that area. We are students here and mistakes are evidence we are trying and doing the best we can.

When we continually learn and grow from our mistakes we begin to see bigger success in our life, more fulfillment and true and lasting happiness. Success takes work and mistakes are part of that.

 

6. Remember you are exactly where you need to be right now.
It may not seem like it, but the entire Universe has orchestrated itself to create your life where it is right now.  It may not be where you want to be right now, but sometimes you have to go through a bit of bramble to get to the clover field.

So when you feel like you’ve failed or that you’ll never reach your goals, remind yourself that the Universe didn’t say no, it just said not yet. Continually remind yourself that you are in the perfect place right now, and continue moving forward in faith. 



7. Be kind and gentle with yourself. You’re doing the best you can.
You don’t have to beat yourself up over not “getting there” fast enough, or as fast as the people you wish to be like. As long as you can come away at the end of the day knowing you gave it your all, that’s all anyone can truly do.  Your light is shining, no matter how small the flame.  Even if your flame is the smallest in the world, it will still cut through the darkest night.

You could even think of a flower garden.  Each flower blooms at it’s own pace and shows it’s unique beauty as it does so.  Continue reaching for the light, allowing yourself to be nurtured.  Much like the flower, your life will come into bloom as well.

 

8. You deserve your own unconditional love and forgiveness.

“Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.”- Max Ehrmann

Begrudging yourself or holding on to negative thoughts about yourself will not bring you justice – the grief and pain will only end up affecting you.

Let go of the bitterness and resentment towards yourself or your situation. Let go of the negative feelings and remove the focus and attention to the unwanted. Forgiving yourself for making a mistake and allowing yourself to “love YOU no matter what” is wonderful. It will lead you to even more positive feelings of understanding, compassion and empathy, allowing you to grow into a better experience. 



9. There’s always a solution, keep looking!
Sometimes you might feel like you’ve reached the end of the road. Lucky for you, there’s always a small dirt path called faith that you can continue to follow when times get tough.

Follow a path of positive faith and just watch new solutions appear. It may be a simple solution, and it may only be a part of the solution that you need to put together. The puzzle pieces are always there – it’s up to you to put the picture in place.


10. The only comparing and competing you should be doing is with yourself.
As mentioned multiple times throughout this article, there’s no need to try to compete or catch up with those who are in your field.  Be the best version of YOU.  Be the change you want to see in YOURSELF.  Allow the future vision of YOU to be your hero.



11. You can’t always change things, but you can ALWAYS change the way you look at things.
The present moment was created as a collective manifestation of your past thoughts, words and actions.  Sometimes, this can be so tough that you may feel like you’re not good enough to get through it, and if you’re reflecting on the reality that you’ve created, it may even make you feel like you’re not good enough to handle your co-creative ability.

The bottom line is that times can get tough – but there’s nothing wrong with believing you’re tougher.  Because when you believe you ARE good enough to create the life you desire, and you believe that YOU ARE good enough to make it through any situation.  When this happens, the way you look at things suddenly change, and before you know it, your reality positively changes with it.


Now, who was it that said you’re not good enough?
 

Courtesy of Power of Positivity

Request plus Pumpkin Soup

I received a phone call this afternoon that my SIL was in ICU at a local hospital…my brother took her to a clinic this morning since she had been fighting a cold and was complaining of chest tightness…he thought she had pneumonia.  Turns out she was having a heart attack. She was immediately taken and admitted to a local hospital where they have run multiple tests.  We do not have the results yet so we don't know how much if any damage there is to her heart.  I am asking for prayers, healing energy and/or positive thoughts for my SIL and brother (who is a basket case at the moment).  Thank you so much!

Here is another pumpkin recipe…a coworker shared it at a potluck luncheon quite a few years ago.  I have lost touch with her so I don’t know if this is her recipe or one she found or one she received.
 
Ingredients

• 1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter or margarine
• 1 medium onion – diced
• 1 clove garlic – minced
• 2 teaspoons packed light brown sugar
• 1 can (14 1/2 fluid ounces) low sodium chicken broth
• ½ cup water
• ¼ teaspoon sea salt
• ¼ teaspoon fresh ground black pepper
• 1 (15 ounces) canned or or pureed pumpkin
• 1 (12 fluid ounces) can evaporated milk
• ¼ teaspoon pumpkin pie spice

Instructions

1. Melt butter in large saucepan over medium heat.
2. Add onion, garlic and sugar; cook for 1 to 2 minutes or until soft.
3. Add broth, water, salt and pepper; bring to a boil, stirring occasionally.
4. Reduce heat to low; cook, stirring occasionally, for 15 minutes.
5. Stir in pumpkin, evaporated milk and pumpkin pie spice.
6. Cook, stirring occasionally, for 5 minutes.
7. Remove from heat.
8. Transfer mixture to food processor or blender (in batches, if necessary); process until smooth.
9. Return to saucepan.
10. Serve warm.

Notes

• This is a super creamy recipe but you could skip the food processor/blender step and leave it a bit chunkier.
• For those who don’t have pumpkin pie spice, you can make 8 tablespoons of pumpkin pie spice of your own by mixing together the following:
• 4 Tablespoons ground cinnamon
• 4 Teaspoons ground nutmeg
• 4 Teaspoons ground ginger
• 3 Teaspoons ground allspice
• Store any unused spice in an air tight container

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask and if you try the recipe, as always, I would love any feedback you would care to give.

Hope you enjoy!

Karma for Telemarketers

Courtesy of Diply

Ooh I am definitely going to save and modify this script and use it when I start getting all the political calls! 

Y’all Listen Up and Pay Attention

Our talented PK over at New Beginnings sent the following to me and even though Veteran’s/Remembrance Day has come and gone, this is too good not to share…as a reminder that we should honor our military personnel and their families year round…not just one day out of the year!
 
 

Now…THIS is a TEACHER!!!!

 
In September of 2005, on the first day of school, Martha Cothren, a History teacher at Valley Heights High School in Port Rowan, Ontario, did something not to be forgotten. On the first day of school, with the permission of the school superintendent, the principal and the building supervisor, she removed all of the desks in her classroom. When the first period kids entered the room they discovered that there were no desks.  
 

'Ms. Cothren, where are our desks?'
 

She  replied, 'You can't have a desk until you tell me how you earn the right to sit at a desk.'
 

They  thought, 'Well, maybe it's our grades.'  'No,' she  said. 
 

'Maybe it's our behavior.' She told them, 'No, it's not even your behavior.'
 

And so,  they came and went, the first period, second period, third period. Still no desks in the classroom.  Kids called their parents to tell them what was happening and by early afternoon television news crews had started gathering at the school to report about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of her room.
 

The  final period of the day came and as the puzzled students found seats on the floor of the desk-less classroom.  Martha Cothren said, 'Throughout the day no one has been able to tell me just what he or she has done to earn the right to sit at the desks that are ordinarily found in this classroom.  Now I am going to tell you.'
 

At this  point, Martha Cothren went over to the door of her classroom and opened  it.  Twenty-seven (27)  Veterans, all in uniform, walked into that  classroom, each one carrying a school desk. The Vets began placing the school desks in rows, and then they would walk over and stand alongside the wall. By the time the last soldier had set the final desk in place those kids started to understand, perhaps for the first time in their lives, just how the right to sit at those desks had been earned.
 

Martha  said, 'You didn't earn the right to sit at these desks.  These heroes did it for you.  They placed the desks here for you. They went halfway around the world, giving up their education and interrupting their careers and families so you could have the freedom you have. Now, it's up to you to sit in them. It is your responsibility to learn, to be good students, to be good citizens. They paid the price so that you could have the freedom  to get an education. Don't ever forget it.'
 

By the way, this is a true story.  And this teacher was awarded Veterans of  Foreign Wars Teacher of the Year in 2006. She is the daughter of a  WWII POW.
 

Do you think this is worth  passing along so others won't forget either, that the freedoms we have  in this great country were earned by our Veterans? If so, feel free to copy and if you would prefer an email copy, please enter your contact information in the form on the right and I will be happy to send you this story in an email. 
 

Let us ALWAYS remember the men and women of our military and the rights they have won for us.