Eye Candy

Oh okay…for those of you who prefer women…

You Call This Customer Service?

I spent almost two hours on the phone with my mortgage company today trying to get them to pay my homeowners insurance…which is past due!  It has always been paid out of escrow. 

They somehow screwed up and not only didn’t they pay my insurance, they messed up the the records so that they claimed they couldn’t pay! 

They kept telling me my account had never been an escrow account (basically calling me a liar).   Then telling me I needed to fax this and that as well as call here and there.




When the 4th person informed me that they had never paid my insurance out of escrow, I said “I call bullshit!” and was informed “there is no reason to use foul language.”  Hmpf…I informed him that he had not even begun to hear foul language but that it could be arranged if they didn’t fix the problem.



At one point I told one of the many representatives I was transferred to that they had now wasted 1 1/2 hours of my life that I will never get back.  They don't care...they get paid the same no matter how much of my life they waste!

Finally, got the last guy to check old records while I was holding for his manager…he then came back on the line and said “You were right!  Your insurance was paid out of escrow last year!” 

Duh…don’t sound so surprised!




He put in a priority request to pay my insurance out of escrow and I am to phone back in 5 business days to see if they paid.  *sigh*

 

And how was your day?         

Reset Password

I am sure you have had to change or reset a password…either for Windows or for your email or for Facebook or for Twitter or for Blogger or for…
 
So…does this sound familiar?  LOL
 

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER: cabbage


WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: boiled cabbage


WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

USER: 1 boiled cabbage


WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.

USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages


WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one uppercase character.

USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages


WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one uppercase character consecutively.

USER:
50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!


WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

USER:
ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow


WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.
 

STOP!  DO NOT THROW THAT COMPUTER!!!!

Home Depot Customer

 
My friends, I give you ...

THE DUMBEST GUY ON EARTH!!!!

This picture is real and was taken by a Transportation Supervisor for a company that delivers building materials for 84 Lumber.

When he saw it in the parking lot of IHOP, he went to buy a camera to take pictures.


 
The car is still running, as can be witnessed by the exhaust.

The driver finally came back after the police were called, and was found crouched behind the rear of the car, attempting to cut the twine around the load!

Luckily, the police stopped him and had the load removed!!!!!

The materials were loaded at Home Depot.

Their store manager said they made the customer sign a waiver.

While the plywood and 2X4s are fairly obvious, what you can't see is the back seat, which contains...


are you ready for this?...

10 bags of concrete @ 80 lbs. each!

They estimated the load weight at 3000 lbs.


Both back tires exploded, the wheels bent and the rear shocks were driven through the floorboard.


And these people VOTE & REPRODUCE!

Best Text Reply EVER!

I first saw this post on Tickld and then on Facebook…just had to share it. 

The text conversation tells the story of someone receiving a text message from a scam artist by the name of Harris.  

Have you ever received one of these? 

Instead of ignoring the message, the person who was texted decided to play the scammer at his own game and annoy the bejesus out of Harris!  LOL

Enjoy

 

Since these are all screen shots, some overlap a bit so it makes it a bit difficult to follow.  Hang in there...it is worthwhile for a grin. 

 

23 Adult Truths

1 Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.


2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.


3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.


4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.


5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?


6. Was learning cursive really necessary?


7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.


8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.


9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.


10. Bad decisions make good stories.


11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.


12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.


13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.


14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.


15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.


16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.


17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.


18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.


19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?


20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!


21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.


22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.


23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies.....Quit Laughing.


Hope you enjoyed these. 

Little Johnny

Okay ladies and gentleman…little Johnny is at it again!

Little Johnny came home from school where he heard the word "b*tch."
He asks his mom what the word meant and she responds, "It means priest."

The next day little Johnny hears the word "sh*t", comes home and asks his dad what it means.
His dad answers, "It means food on the table."

At school, he hears the word "f*cking" and asks his mom what it means.
She responds, "It means getting ready."



The next day a priest came over for dinner and little Johnny opened the door and says, "Hey son of a b*tch. There's sh*t on the table and my parents are upstairs f*cking!"



Now…say these words out loud…
Whale, Oil, Beef, Hooked.
 
Try not so sound Irish!  LOL

Silly

Here’s an oldie that I hope gives you a bit of a grin...


One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.



The wife turns over and says, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."



The husband, rejected, turns over.



A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.



"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

Courtesy of Randomly Funny $tuff

Father and Son

Don’t know if the following is a true story but it sure is interesting.  LOL
 

Imagine you are a frisky 70-year-old man who decides to hire an escort for the evening when you're out of town. (Men. Do they ever change?) When the lovely lady of the evening arrives, you notice with a shock that the woman seems very familiar. In fact, she's more than just familiar. You know her very well. She's your son's fiancée! Now you've got quite a dilemma on your hands…do you tell your son what the woman he's about to marry does for a living?
 

Apparently this all really happened in Italy.  The 70-year-old man, marital status unclear, hired an escort when he went out of town, only to be flummoxed when his 40-year-old son's fiancée showed up. To their credit, the two decided not to go ahead with their…ahem…business arrangement.
 

But the man wrestled with the question as to whether to tell his son that his South American girlfriend wasn't a waitress as everyone believed, but a prostitute.  Additionally, if he told his son, he would be revealing his own role as an old horndog who used escorts.  If the father were still married, an even bigger dilemma.  Do you risk your marriage to warn your son about the woman he's about to marry?
 

I suspect most of us would do what the man ultimately did…which was tell his son.
 

And you know what they say about don't kill the messenger.  Because so many want to.  The son was apparently furious with the dad and the two got into an argument.  Four years later, the pair are still in court, where the son has sued his father for "injuries."  It's unclear if these are physical injuries related to the fight…or psychological injuries related to the shock of your dad telling you the woman you plan to marry is an escort.
 

Hard to imagine why the son wouldn't be grateful that his dad told him about this tiny omission.  Even if the son still wanted to marry her, escort job and all, at least he'd know what he was getting into.  How could any parent have NOT told?
 

Plus, can you imagine the awkward family gatherings?  Dad: Hey, Sophia, remember that time we almost had sex?  Wasn't that funny?  By the way, does my son still think you work at Spizzico?
 

But how often people blame bad news on the ones they hear it from.  The son sounds like he's in total denial.  No word on whether the couple still got married.
 

The father/son, however, still don't get along, since the judge was reportedly unable to broker a truce between them.
 

Did the dad do the right thing?

Courtesy of Stirring Daily

Golden Rules of Life

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

2. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

4. When you say, "I love you", mean it.

5. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.

6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

7. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

8. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

9. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

10. Don't judge people by their relatives.

11. Talk slowly but think quickly.

12. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

13. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

14. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

15. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

16. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

17. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

18. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

19. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

20. Spend some time alone to think what you can give to this world.