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Thursday, October 19, 2017

AMBIGUITY…

For those who love words…and we have a lot of those out here in blogland…I hope you enjoy what Meredith's Jack shared.!

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:

1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA…FLOOR.

2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

4. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

7. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

10. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

11. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

12. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

13. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

14. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM?

15. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

16. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

17. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

18. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

19. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

20. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

21. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

22. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

23. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

24. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

25. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

26. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

27. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

28. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

29. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

30. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

31. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?

32. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

33. WHY DO SHOPS HAVE SIGNS, 'GUIDE DOGS ONLY', THE DOGS CAN'T READ AND THEIR OWNERS ARE BLIND?

16 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Happy you enjoyed it 1MV. :)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  2. LoL, I really enjoyed these. Thank you Jack and Cat :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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    Replies
    1. You're welcome, Roz...happy you enjoyed them. :)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  3. HI Cat, These made me giggle this morning.
    love Jan, xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy to give you a giggle, Jan. :)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  4. These made me laugh. I love words and how they are used or misused. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy you enjoyed these, Blondie...thought you might. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  5. Good ones! Thanks to Cat and Jack. I love word play.

    Reminds me of things kids would ask.

    Happy Freakin' Friday!
    Ella

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy you enjoyed these, Ella...they are fun aren't they. Happy Freakin' Friday, Sassy Saturday and Spanky Sunday to you! :)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  6. Thanks Cat and Jack. These made me laugh.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy you enjoyed them, Ronnie...laways enjoy making people laugh. :)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  7. Some of these made me laugh - some are really good questions. lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree, Sunny...good giggles and questions. Have a great weekend.

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  8. It was fun to read these :-) thanks! Hugs

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    Replies
    1. You're welcome, Terps...happy you enjoyed them. :)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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