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Sunday, January 29, 2017

From The One & Only Phyllis Diller

Don’t know how many of you remember Phyillis Diller but she was an American actress and stand-up comedian,. She was best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh.. (per Wikipedia)





Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age.  As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors:  Eat out.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight!

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

My photographs don't do me justice -they just look like me.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle -  keep away from children.

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'

The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.


A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

Phyllis Diller-IMDb

14 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I so agree, Dana...laughter is great medicine. :)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  2. I do remember Phyllis....love her humor. hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She did have a great sense of humor didn't she, Abby. :)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  3. Hi Cat, these are awesome, love Phyllis's humour. Thank you for the giggle :)

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're welcome, Roz...happy you enjoyed her awesome sense of humor. :)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  4. These made me laugh Cat. Thanks. Hadn't heard of Phyillis Diller.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    Replies
    1. Happy you enjoyed them, Ronnie...sorry you missed her. There are clips of her performances out on YouTube if you want to go watch and hear that crazy laughter. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  5. Cat these were all so good. I love Phyllis's humour, remember watching her when I was a kid.

    Hugs Lindy xx

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    Replies
    1. Happy you enjoyed them, Lindy and were able to see her perform. :)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  6. Oh, she was priceless! These sayings are such fun, I can't pick a favourite.
    Rosie xx

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    Replies
    1. I agree, Rosie...she was definitely priceless...I couldn't pick a favorite either. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  7. Replies
    1. I truly agree, Minelle...she was definitely a character. ;)

      Hugs and blessings...Cat

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