Confession

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'i almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!

LOL 

What Kids Taught Me...

You find out such interesting things when you have kids.

 
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old boy.

Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

Super glue is forever.

No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

VCR's do not eject "PB&J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

The fire department in Austin, Texas has a 5-minute response time.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

It will, however, make cats dizzy.

Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

80% of women who read this will Share this on their FB page, so all of their friends, with or without kids can read.

80% of men who read this will try the brake fluid and Clorox mix...(but, boys, it's toxic, so wear a mask).

ROFLMBO!

One of Those Days…

ROFLMBO

What are You Missing?

"A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that 1,100 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by, and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace, and stopped for a few seconds, and then hurried up to meet his schedule.

A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping, and continued to walk.

 A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried, but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally, the mother pushed hard, and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money, but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the most talented musicians in the world. He had just played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, on a violin worth $3.5 million dollars.

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste, and priorities of people.
The outlines were:

In a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour:

Do we perceive beauty?
Do we stop to appreciate it?
Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?"

 Something to think about...

Letter to My Guardian Angel

 

My darling Guardian Angel,
It's the 11th of January and you’ve been gone a year today.  I sit here all alone at night and keep reminding myself, you’re with your awesome family in a better place. I smile thinking how happy y’all are with so much joy, love and laughter in your hearts.  I struggle with why the good Lord left me alone and what his plans are for me but guess it's not time for me to know.
 
I still miss your wicked grin that always brought me to my knees and your eyes that saw into my very soul. I ache for your arms that held me tight and kept me so safe and warm. My heart is slowly healing, and I know that I’ll be all right because to do any less would be an insult to you and to what we had.
 
Although you’re no longer with me, sometimes I feel you near so I know you’re watching over me. You know how I’m doing – some days better than others.  Ok, I’m struggling with the rules and some have been broken.  Yes I can just hear you whisper in my ear, “Woman! Pushin' your luck!” But what do you expect? You know I’m not a leader. Hey, I am trying!
 
I know that when I was looking for help for Karen you guided me to the wonderful people I have found in blog land. They give me the acceptance, love, fun, companionship and support I had with your family. Since you’re watching, you also know that though I may not have the physical hugs, I have received so many virtual hugs that I can feel them.  You would love each and every one of them and there are some HoH’s here that you would sooooo get along with.

I will keep living, loving,  and enjoying life. I will also keep trying to follow your rules but…

Love Always,
Cat


Music has always been a part of my life and touches me deeply.  Matthew and I were constantly sending each other songs to convey different messages. Here is the last song Matthew sent to me. Hope you enjoy it.

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts
We got yeah we got a lot at stake
And in the end,
You're still my friend at least we didn't tend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn, how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
I'm still looking up

I won't give up on us
God knows I'm tough, he knows
We got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up...

To my blog land family who have been so welcoming, loving, and supportive, Thank you. Y’all are awesome!

But not as broken as it was before I found y'all. Healing a bit more each day.

Blondes…

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this."
She goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"
The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!

----------------------------------------

Two blonds are walking along the beach under a full moon.
One asks the other "I wonder what is closer, the moon or New York ?"
And the other blonde says "DUH!! You can see the moon."

--------------------------------------

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess.
The route they were flying had a layover in another city.
Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.


The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing.
He knew which room she was...in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened.
She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
 
---------------------------------------
 

Kiss My Cheek…

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. 

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. 

So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.

However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. 

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. 

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his baby face! 

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. 

He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?" 

My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

Guess wife and MIL have some issues. LOL

Domestic Duties

 
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their domestic duties.

The first man had married a woman from Italy and boasted that he had told his wife she was to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done.

He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.


The second man had married a woman from France.

He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, all the dishes, and the cooking.

He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better.
By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a delicious dinner on the table.


The third man had married an Irish girl.

He boasted that he told her his house was to be cleaned, the dishes washed, the cooking done and the laundry washed.

And this was all entirely her responsibility.

He said the first day he didn't see anything and the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye!

 

Gotta watch out for those Irish lasses...

 

Believe

 A few thoughts to start out your week...

 

Wishing you a wonderful week!

The Wedding Ring

A man who was born and bred in Woodbridge, Western Australia went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis.

According to the nurse attending the operation, the patient's girlfriend found the wedding ring in his pants pocket...

She didn't know he was married and she was so mad that she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he was asleep.

I don't know what worse:

1. Having your girlfriend find out your married.

2. Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.


OR...


3. Finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.

 
Tough call. You decide.


ROFLMBO