Top Ten Sex Laws

Yup - thought that would get your attention! 

  
Sure you want to see them?

   

 
Last chance to exit!
  


 
Still here?




Kids out of the room?




Ok,  your choice...


 


Ya gotta wonder what people were doing (and where!) to cause some of these laws to be passed!  LOL

Why God Made Moms

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?

1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms & dads?

1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be? (The answers to this question are my absolute favorite!)

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

I'll bet the pink text answers would be different in many DD/TTWD homes. LOL

Hope this gives you a good laugh or at least a giggle!!!

Losing Weight

UPDATE
I apologize, I forgot about sunnygirl of Aimless Ramblings and didn't know about Minelle of My Breath - this is for you also. 

If there is anyone else I have overlooked, please accept my apologies and know that I am cheering you on also.

In honor of Lillie of Ian & Lillie's Place and Blue Bird of A New Road.

So proud of you!

Go ladies!!!!

Monday at the Office

 

 

 



Have a great week!

How Smart is Your Right Foot

https://www.facebook.com/UNBfacts

Bet ya'll tried it. LOL

Friendly Rivalry

Too "friendly"?  LOL

Have a great weekend!

Can You Cry Under Water?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...

But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"?

Where's that extra penny going?



How important does a person have to be

Before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?



Once you're in heaven,

Do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?



Why does a round pizza come in a square box?



What disease did cured ham actually have?



How is it that we put man on the moon

Before we figured out it would be

A good idea to put wheels on luggage?



Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby"

When babies wake up like every two hours?



If a deaf person has to go to court,

Is it still called a hearing?



Why are you IN a movie,

But you're ON TV?



Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then

Put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?



Why do doctors leave the room while you change?

They're going to see you naked anyway.



Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?



Why do toasters always have a setting

That burns the toast to a horrible crisp,

Which no decent human being would eat?



If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,

Why is there a stupid song about him?



Can a hearse carrying a corpse

Drive in the carpool lane?



If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,

Why can't he fix a hole in a boat?



Why does Goofy stand erect

While Pluto remains on all fours?

They're both dogs!



If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap,

Why didn't he just buy dinner?



If corn oil is made from corn, and

Vegetable oil is made from vegetables,

What is baby oil made from?



If electricity comes from electrons,

Does morality come from morons?



Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?



Why did you just try singing the two songs above?



Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere,

But call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?



Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,

But when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

I'm sure I will receive some very creative answers! :D

Bridge Repair

Looks like my favorite "tool" in JUMBO size!  LOL

Why You Shouldn't Take Your Husband to Wal-Mart

Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton insists her husband go with her to Wal-Mart, but he gets bored with all the shopping trips. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. The following letter was sent to Mrs. Fenton.

 

 

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

 

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.

 

Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in Wal-Mart:

• June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
• July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
• July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
• July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, ‘Code 3' in house wares..... and watched what happened.
• August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
• September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
• September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
• September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
• October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
• November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
• December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
• December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
• December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
• December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And last, but not least.....

• December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Regards,

Wal-Mart

 

  

Quick Note

Hey Everyone

The next month is going to be super busy at work - long hours and lots of meetings. :(   

Since I have not had any trolls pop back in, I am turning off moderation so that you will know that your comment has been posted. Trolls - if you're lurking, this is not your forum and I can turn moderation back on if I have to.

I will try to respond to comments as soon as I can but please be patient if it takes a while. Of course, I have no clue as to why I have to attend some of these meetings so if I can multi-task and answer comments while listening to the meeting, I will. ;)

Blessings,
Cat