Yuck!
Seriously?!?
Courtesy of ilyke.net
Hope this starts your weekend off with a grin! ;)
Friday, November 8, 2013
Thursday, November 7, 2013
What Have You Done
Received this on Facebook so thought I’d share it here…put your total in the comments…if you dare. 
BTW…Maximum you can get is 81.50
BTW…Maximum you can get is 81.50
Courtesy of Randomly Funny $tuff
My total? 72.00 Surprised anyone? LOL
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Migraine Headaches
A man comes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.
When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.
"Listen," says the doc. "I have migraines, too...and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience.
When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand...especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex...and almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"
"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."
"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a really nice house."
Oops!
Smart patient or nominee for a Darwin Award? Hmmm... LOL
When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.
"Listen," says the doc. "I have migraines, too...and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience.
When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand...especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex...and almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"
"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."
"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a really nice house."
Oops!
Smart patient or nominee for a Darwin Award? Hmmm... LOL
Monday, November 4, 2013
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Hilarious Craigslist Ads
I think some people post stupid stuff just to see what kind of ignorant responses they receive. Then again...they could be seriously stupid! LOL
Cone of Silence
This person needs a cone of silence and is willing to pay 1 million dollars for it. Apparently there is a really awful co-worker involved that needs silencing. This sounds really bad, guys. Can anyone help him out?
via http://www.craigslist.org/
FREE CRAP (Manure)
Anybody need some free crap? It's manure. If you need manure you should call this guy. Maybe you need it for fertilizer, or maybe you just like having it around. But now you know where to find it.
via http://www.craigslist.org/
IN A WELL, NEED LADDER
Guys this person needs a ladder immediately. It's unclear as to how he got a hold of a computer while in a well but details aren't important right now. What's important is that you get him a ladder asap.
via http://www.craigslist.org/
Need Someone to Sit on Lap
This person is willing to pay "ten dollars and hour" for somebody to sit on their lap. You have to be a male because apparently males are better at sitting on people's laps. Just wanted to clarify, though, that this is a part time job.
via http://www.craigslist.org/
Beautiful Fly
This guy caught a beautiful fly. Look how beautiful it is. Its life expectancy is probably about three days, but don't you want to love it and take it home and keep it forever? At least until it dies this weekend.
via http://www.craigslist.org/
Bot Seeking Bot
This bot needs a bot to relate to and love and play with. If you are a bot too maybe you can answer this ad and love this bot back. Unclear about the name of this bot it seems to be Trixie, Megan, Jennifer, Sarah, or Lois.
via http://www.craigslist.org/
You Slept in My Bed Last Night
Hey, I'm not sure who you were or where you are now, but you slept in my bed last night, and you were hot and SLIGHTLY undressed, and I'd really like it if you showed up again. As long as you weren't like a ghost or a figment of my imagination. Thanks.
via http://www.craigslist.org/
Ceramic Bald Lionel Richie Bust Wanted
This person really desperately needs this ceramic Lionel Richie bust that was featured in his "Hello" music video. Except, he wants a bald version of it. He can also exchange his really old iBook for your hard work. Thanks, guy.
via http://www.craigslist.org/
WE NEED A SMART PERSON
IMPORTANT: THIS COMPANY NEEDS A SMART PERSON ASAP TO JOIN THEIR COMPANY. It's so important they wrote it in caps. PLEASE HELP THEM IT'S VERY NECESSARY BUT ONLY ANSWER IF YOU'RE SMART.
via http://www.craigslist.org/
Contest to Be My Boss
Do U want to be a boss? Does someone you know want to be a boss? Well this person is offering to let you be their boss. Very considerate. All you have to do is pay them for no reason and see what happens. You might win the contest!
via http://www.craigslist.org/
Lifetime Supply of Hot Sauce
Calling all hot sauce lovers: this guy would like to trade you a lifetime supply of hot sauce for whatever it is you feel like giving him. Apparently he does not need any more red paper clips. But if you have blue ones, maybe he'd appreciate those.
via http://www.craigslist.org/
Dumpster Lover
Calling all people named Blump who hang out in dumpsters behind McDonalds. Was this you? Can you please come back and answer this person? He/she is lovesick without you and we don't want them to be forever alone, which might be what happens if you don't call them back.
via http://www.craigslist.org/
Nemesis Wanted
Well, there's only one thing to do when your long time nemesis starts live-Facebook statusing the entire Gilmore Girls series. Get on Craigslist and find another one. All inquiring nemeses should not be Athiest, should not be Liberatarian, and should not watch Gilmore Girls. Because that has been deemed by this person as "too soft."
via http://www.craigslist.org/
Wanted: Mule Named Sal
Desperate times call for desperate measures. A mule named Sal is needed to cross the Erie Canal. If you have a mule and its name isn't Sal, well, you might still be helpful. As long as it's a great ol' worker and a great ol' pal.
via http://www.craigslist.org/
"Dreemz"
A lot of things wrong with this Craigslist ad. First of all: dreemz. Second of all: join what writers? Third of all: huh????? Sounds like a cult to me.
via http://newyork.craigslist.org/
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Need a Push
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger covered in mud, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!'
He slams the door and returns to bed.
'Who was that?' asked his wife.
'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers.
'Did you help him?' she asks.
'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!'
'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Don't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!'
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.
He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?'
'Yes,' comes back the answer.
'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband.
'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark.
'Where are you?' asks the husband.
'Over here on the swing,' replied the drunk.
Courtesy of Anyone Can Be Cool, But Awesome Takes Practice
Friday, November 1, 2013
Origins of Sex Toys
Not sure if all of this is true as I haven’t done the research but sure is funny! LOL
Lube
Although there were no records of its early use, by 350 BC olive oil was used as natural lubricators. In ancient Greece this growing this herb was big business and Aristotle made brief reference in his History of Animals that smoother sex made pregnancy less likely. Aristotle needs to learn a bit more about reproduction LOL
The Vibrator (1869)
Used more as a medical aid rather than for pleasure, the vibrator was used to treat hysterical women by masturbating them.
Confused? Well that's what happened in the Victorian era. Female Hysteria was recognized as an illness and women with such a condition were treated by qualified medical professionals by rubbing the private parts of a woman until orgasm was achieved.
Since doctors found it boring and began to complain about wrist aches, George Taylor came up with a steam powered vibrator. This model failed to catch until J. Granville invented an electrochemical version in 1880. This version of the device was soon a hit among house wives who bought it as "medical treatment".
However once this device began to feature in porn shows on TV, husbands soon caught up to the real purpose of the "medical" magic that the device brought and ultimately forbade their wives from using or buying them. Ack!!!! Talk about meanies!
The Penis Ring
It was not easy being a Chinese noble during the 11th century because they were under pressure to come up with an heir in a short time before some unknown prince stepped in line or till you were assassinated or your kingdom was taken over my Mongol invaders. He had to impregnate his wife, servants or mistresses on a daily basis until an heir was born.
This was tough to accomplish and so they invented something called the "penis ring". This was made out of a goat's eyelid with the eyelashes still intact and supposedly helped the man in question go on for hours (which probably was fun for him). Hmmm…might not have been that much fun if it kept going for hours!
Blow up dolls (1904)
Blow up dolls were recorded as far back as the seventeenth century, when homesick, French sailors owned a collection of woman like rags to adhere to their sexual needs. But it wasn't until 1904 when a man named "Dr.P " was recorded making inflatable dolls for discerning gentleman.
Just four years later, German sexologist, Iwan Bloch, was mass producing better models of blow dolls that could imitate ejaculation or have a custom designed version made to look like anyone living or dead. All of these advertised in Parisian catalogues.
Condoms (1560)
Late medieval men were overthrown by a common disease of syphilis. They wanted a way to have intercourse again without causing any death. This was when Grabriele Fallopio invented a linen cloth soaked in chemicals and dried. Many tests were taken by wearing this invention and having intercourse whose outcome resulted as clear and safe. Not sure when but at some point, sheep and pig intestines were also used!
Ben Wa Balls
Also known as Geisha balls, these appeared sometime after A.D 500. These were used mostly as a means to sexual stimulation and pleasure back in China and which is still used for the exact purpose although designed in more modern ways.
Butt Plugs (1892)
Frank.E.Young , was a man with a vision, a man who had the idea of inserting things up places where the sun never shines.
His 4 1/2 inches of pain called the "Rectal Dilator" was designed and invented for medical reasons as a cure to piles. Marketed to both doctors and available for use under a prescription, these "plugs" were in use for 40 years.
It was later on sold as a pleasure toy and due to that was banned for being 'falsely advertised' in 1938. Different strokes for different folks! *teehee*
How to Make Your Penis Bigger
In what could probably be the oldest remedies to penis enlargement, the Kama Sutra proposes a solution to a heightened sexual excitement by rubbing the stingers of wasps, bees and other similar insects until it swells. Can we say Ouchy! His penis might be bigger but will he want anyone or anything touching it?!?
The writers also suggested using another method (what we now know as the strap on) of using an 'Apadravyas' made of silver, ivory, gold or even wood, depending on what you could afford. Ack!!! Hope they sanded that wood well!!
Pornography
A few years back, archaeologists discovered a pre-historic statue, carved from mammoth tusks. It featured a woman's body which was majorly exaggerated at all the right parts if you know what I mean. Though there can be many interpretations to this:
One our pre-historic ancestors marveled at the female sex with marvel and respect since they were considered to be icons of fertility some treated as goddesses because if you think of it the creators of such pieces put a lot of effort and hard work into it knowing the kind of tools they had at their disposal at that time, or
Two, they were a bunch of perverts and modeled these to revel in their sexual fantasies which would probably mean these were the first pieces on pornography.
Whichever interpretation you agree on, sex and beauty is always in the eye of the beholder so in these times in whichever way you may view these structures, keep an open mind. ;)
The Dildo (26,000 B.C)
The oldest known dildo was an 8inch stone behemoth found in Germany which dates back to 26,000 years B.C.
Seems like our ancestors were pretty fond of and enjoyed sex and didn't have anything to be ashamed of because archaeologists have found and continue to unearth artifacts modelled after our junk. Seriously?…”our junk?”
Lube
Although there were no records of its early use, by 350 BC olive oil was used as natural lubricators. In ancient Greece this growing this herb was big business and Aristotle made brief reference in his History of Animals that smoother sex made pregnancy less likely. Aristotle needs to learn a bit more about reproduction LOL
The Vibrator (1869)
Used more as a medical aid rather than for pleasure, the vibrator was used to treat hysterical women by masturbating them.
Confused? Well that's what happened in the Victorian era. Female Hysteria was recognized as an illness and women with such a condition were treated by qualified medical professionals by rubbing the private parts of a woman until orgasm was achieved.
Since doctors found it boring and began to complain about wrist aches, George Taylor came up with a steam powered vibrator. This model failed to catch until J. Granville invented an electrochemical version in 1880. This version of the device was soon a hit among house wives who bought it as "medical treatment".
However once this device began to feature in porn shows on TV, husbands soon caught up to the real purpose of the "medical" magic that the device brought and ultimately forbade their wives from using or buying them. Ack!!!! Talk about meanies!
The Penis Ring
It was not easy being a Chinese noble during the 11th century because they were under pressure to come up with an heir in a short time before some unknown prince stepped in line or till you were assassinated or your kingdom was taken over my Mongol invaders. He had to impregnate his wife, servants or mistresses on a daily basis until an heir was born.
This was tough to accomplish and so they invented something called the "penis ring". This was made out of a goat's eyelid with the eyelashes still intact and supposedly helped the man in question go on for hours (which probably was fun for him). Hmmm…might not have been that much fun if it kept going for hours!
Blow up dolls (1904)
Blow up dolls were recorded as far back as the seventeenth century, when homesick, French sailors owned a collection of woman like rags to adhere to their sexual needs. But it wasn't until 1904 when a man named "Dr.P " was recorded making inflatable dolls for discerning gentleman.
Just four years later, German sexologist, Iwan Bloch, was mass producing better models of blow dolls that could imitate ejaculation or have a custom designed version made to look like anyone living or dead. All of these advertised in Parisian catalogues.
Condoms (1560)
Late medieval men were overthrown by a common disease of syphilis. They wanted a way to have intercourse again without causing any death. This was when Grabriele Fallopio invented a linen cloth soaked in chemicals and dried. Many tests were taken by wearing this invention and having intercourse whose outcome resulted as clear and safe. Not sure when but at some point, sheep and pig intestines were also used!
Ben Wa Balls
Also known as Geisha balls, these appeared sometime after A.D 500. These were used mostly as a means to sexual stimulation and pleasure back in China and which is still used for the exact purpose although designed in more modern ways.
Butt Plugs (1892)
Frank.E.Young , was a man with a vision, a man who had the idea of inserting things up places where the sun never shines.
His 4 1/2 inches of pain called the "Rectal Dilator" was designed and invented for medical reasons as a cure to piles. Marketed to both doctors and available for use under a prescription, these "plugs" were in use for 40 years.
It was later on sold as a pleasure toy and due to that was banned for being 'falsely advertised' in 1938. Different strokes for different folks! *teehee*
How to Make Your Penis Bigger
In what could probably be the oldest remedies to penis enlargement, the Kama Sutra proposes a solution to a heightened sexual excitement by rubbing the stingers of wasps, bees and other similar insects until it swells. Can we say Ouchy! His penis might be bigger but will he want anyone or anything touching it?!?
The writers also suggested using another method (what we now know as the strap on) of using an 'Apadravyas' made of silver, ivory, gold or even wood, depending on what you could afford. Ack!!! Hope they sanded that wood well!!
Pornography
A few years back, archaeologists discovered a pre-historic statue, carved from mammoth tusks. It featured a woman's body which was majorly exaggerated at all the right parts if you know what I mean. Though there can be many interpretations to this:
One our pre-historic ancestors marveled at the female sex with marvel and respect since they were considered to be icons of fertility some treated as goddesses because if you think of it the creators of such pieces put a lot of effort and hard work into it knowing the kind of tools they had at their disposal at that time, or
Two, they were a bunch of perverts and modeled these to revel in their sexual fantasies which would probably mean these were the first pieces on pornography.
Whichever interpretation you agree on, sex and beauty is always in the eye of the beholder so in these times in whichever way you may view these structures, keep an open mind. ;)
The Dildo (26,000 B.C)
The oldest known dildo was an 8inch stone behemoth found in Germany which dates back to 26,000 years B.C.
Seems like our ancestors were pretty fond of and enjoyed sex and didn't have anything to be ashamed of because archaeologists have found and continue to unearth artifacts modelled after our junk. Seriously?…”our junk?”
Courtesy of ilyke.net
Please note that the misspelling and the poorly constructed sentences in the article are not mine. LOL
Does anyone have any additions to these? If so, feel free to send them to me and I will be happy to post them. 
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