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Lying for Love

Below is an article written by Caroline Hwang from Lifetimetv.com that was sent to me back in 2004.

Is honesty always the best policy when it comes to relationships?
Sometimes it seems as though loving and lying go together -- say, when we tell our partner that of course we don't mind if he skips shaving all weekend, or reassure him that the little bald spot on the top of his head makes him sexier. (Right!) Perhaps that's because when we do lie to someone we care about, it's usually with the best of intentions -- to soothe his insecurities or to avoid a fight. And as long as our heart is in the right place, even experts acknowledge that honesty isn't always mandatory. "You don't have to tell the whole truth if it will hurt your partner or if it's something he can't change," says Marion Solomon, Ph.D., a couples therapist based in Los Angeles and author of "Lean on Me."

Still, not all lies are harmless -- even little white ones -- and some untruths can unravel a relationship by eroding intimacy and trust. The worst kind of lie: The one that stems from a desire to make ourselves into someone we're not, or one that enables us to gloss over serious problems in a relationship. How to tell the difference? Next, five lies that can undermine your love -- and five that may actually strengthen it.

The lie: "You deserved that promotion."

The context: Your significant other is upset because he has just been passed over for a raise -- again.

Your motivation for lying: You're trying to cheer him up.

Why the lie could be lethal: Chances are that your partner isn't looking for your evaluation of his job performance but rather for your emotional support. By focusing on the fact that he didn't get the promotion instead of on how he's feeling, you're sending a message that you're not comfortable seeing him vulnerable and upset. "What he'll take away from your comment is that you can't stand to see him down or deal with him being depressed," says Dr. Solomon.

What to say instead: "I'm sorry. I know how bad you must feel."


The lie: "You think I was flirting with Bob?! Don't be ridiculous!"

The context: Bob is a good-looking co-worker with whom you regularly exchange charged sallies. Your partner happened to catch one of these interactions -- and didn't like what he saw.

Your motivation for lying: Sure you flirt with Bob, but you know your exchanges don't mean anything, so they're not worth discussing.

Why the lie could be lethal: If your partner brought this up, he must be feeling jealous or insecure. By brushing off his concerns, you're denying his feelings and distancing yourself. "That's damaging," warns Dr. Solomon.

What to say instead: "Bob and I do flirt sometimes, but it doesn't mean anything. I have no intention of getting involved with him."



The lie: "Oh, ooh, ooooooooh, baby!"

The context: Um, duh, you're between the sheets!

Your motivation for lying: You're going at it, and it's clear that you're not going to have an orgasm. It's time to call it a night.

Why the lie could be lethal: "You're settling for less than you deserve, sexually," says Marilyn Sorensen, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Portland, Oregon, and author of "Breaking the Chain of Low Self-esteem." "Your love life will never improve if your partner doesn't know he's not satisfying you."

What to say instead: "Honey, can we try this another way?"



The lie: "I love spending Thanksgiving with your family."

The context: You were hoping that the two of you could have an intimate holiday together, for once, but your partner just told you that he already committed to having the two of you spend it with his parents -- and six siblings.

Your motivation for lying: What's done is done. Why pick a fight?

Why the lie could be lethal: "If you sweep a conflict under the rug, eventually you're going to trip on it," says Dr. Sorensen. "If a couple tells me they never disagree, I don't conclude that they have a terrific relationship. Rather, I know they don't have good communication."

What to say instead: "I'll try to have a good time, but next year, please ask me before you make our holiday plans."



The lie: "Nothing's wrong. Why do you ask?"

The context: Your partner has just asked what's wrong.

Your motivation for lying: You're in a rotten mood, but it's not about him and you don't feel like hashing over the details.

Why the lie could be lethal: This kind of lie can turn a molehill into a mountain, since your honey will wonder what is so wrong that you can't share it with him.

What to say instead: "I'm upset, but it has nothing to do with you -- and I don't feel like talking about it right now."



The lie: "Ha, ha, ha -- that's hysterical!"

The context: Your guy just told a corny joke.

Your motivation for lying: He's trying to be funny, and you don't want to hurt his feelings by not laughing.

Why the lie won't hurt: "Different people have different senses of humor, and your response acknowledges that," says Dr. Solomon. "By laughing at your partner's joke, you're shoring up his ego."

When to go for the truth instead: If you're consistently laughing when you're not amused, or if his jokes offend you.



The lie: "Thanks for the surprise! I love big, dangly earrings!"

The context: He was in a store, they caught his eye, and he had them wrapped up to go.

Your motivation for lying: True --the earrings aren't really your style, but you appreciate his thoughtfulness.

Why the lie won't hurt: Telling him that you prefer little studs or that you don't wear earrings at all would make him feel like a failure when it comes to giving you presents. "Keep that up and he may stop trying to do spontaneous things to please you," says Dr. Solomon.

When to go for the truth instead: If you suspect that he spent a lot of money for them.



The lie: "You're the best lover I've ever had."

The context: You're next to him, sweaty, panting and post-orgasmic.

Your motivation for lying: Sure, you're exaggerating a bit, but you're feeling euphoric.

Why the lie won't hurt: "It's a compliment that's bound to make him feel good," says Dr. Solomon. "There's nothing wrong with that."

When to go for the truth instead: If he is regularly lousy in bed.



The lie: "Karen says hello."

The context: Your friend (Karen) has just spent the past 30 minutes detailing all the reasons she doesn't like your significant other, who, in turn, has inquired who you've been on the phone with.

Your motivation for lying: You don't want to hurt his feelings.

Why the lie won't hurt: "There's no reason for you to tell him what she really said," notes Dr. Sorensen. "These lies of omission are kinder than the truth."

When to go for the truth instead: If he actually did something inexcusable to your friend.



The lie: "No, I'm not throwing you a surprise birthday party."

The context: Enough said.


Something to think about…

Weekend Fun

 

 

Cahoots

Moving Forward

Bananas

 

A Poem for You!

Bus Stop Woes

 At a crowded and busy city bus stop, a beautiful young woman, wearing a tight leather skirt, was waiting for a bus.  As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her to lift her leg so her foot could reach the first step of the bus.


Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a bit, thinking this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

She then tried to lift her leg, to again discover she was unable to reach the step.


So a bit more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a bit more and for the third time, attempted the step.

Once again, much to her embarrassment, she could not raise her leg.


With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind her to unzip a little more and was still unable to take the step.


About this time, the large man who was standing behind her, picked her up by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.


She went ballistic, turned to  the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"


The man smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends."

A Dominant Man

Consequences

A promise is a promise, and if you break your word, then you had better be prepared to deal with the consequences.

The married man in this story made a deal with a woman and then went to bed with her. Then he decided to go back on his word, but he wasn’t ready for the payback that came next… in a hilarious way!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A married businessman noticed a beautiful 19 year old girl in the bar after work. The man didn’t think twice; he took off his wedding ring and put it in his pocket. He then walked up to her and turned on his charm.

After a few drinks together, he decided that it was time.

He said, “I just love talking to you. What do you say we continue this at your place?”

The woman replied, “Honey, I just so happen to be a call girl. I’d be happy to have fun with you tonight, but it will cost you $500.”

The married man thought that sounded terrific, so off they went. They rolled in the hay, and he had a great time. But before he left her place, he told her, “Damn, looks like I forgot to bring cash with me. No worries, I’ll have my secretary write you a check and mail it to you. She will mark the payment ‘RENT FOR APARTMENT’.”

On the way to the office the next day, he regrets what he has done. Being a bit of a cheapskate and feeling a little bad for cheating on his wife, he has his secretary send a check for only $250 and encloses the following written note:

Dear Madam,

Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. Note that I am not sending the amount that we agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that;

1) it had never been occupied;

2) there was plenty of heat;

and 3) it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.

However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn’t any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Don’t mess with this woman...

The girl’s eyebrows shot up as she was reading the note, and she returned the check for $250 with the following note:

Dear Sir,

You’ve got some nerve! First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment like this to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on.

Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please don’t blame the landlady.

Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady.

Baby Talk

Have shared this before but worth sharing again. Hope you enjoy!

 ~~~~~~~~~~~

A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become adjusted to the first grade. The biggest hurdle we they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!


You need to use 'Big People' words,' she was always reminding them.



She asked John what he had done over the weekend?

'I went to visit my Nana'.

No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!'



She then asked Mitchell what he had done 'I took a ride on a choo-choo'.

She said. 'No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words'.



She then asked little Johnny what he had done?

'I read a book' he replied.

That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said. 'What book did you read?'


( I love this... )


Johnny thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said,

'Winnie the SHIT'

Flawed

New Brain

A lawyer went to the brain store to get some new brains. 

He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offered at this particular brain store. 

So he asks the butcher: 

"How much for Engineer brain?" 
"3 dollars an ounce." 


"How much for doctor brain?" 
"4 dollars an ounce." 


"How much for lawyer brain?" 
"100 dollars an ounce." 


"Why is lawyer brain so much more?" 
"Do you know how many lawyers you need to kill to get one ounce of brain?!"

Never Forget

I Will Always Remember

I share the following every year as a reminder…we must never forget!  Never fails to brings tears to my eyes every time I read it. 
 
This year, as in last, it is even more heartbreaking for me as I was on the phone with my brother and we were both watching when the plane went into the second tower…I will never forget that moment.

---

You say you will never forget where you were when you heard the news on September 11, 2001.

Neither will I.

I was on the 110th floor in a smoke filled room with a man who called his wife to say "Good-bye." I held his fingers steady as he dialed. I gave him the peace to say, "Honey, I am not going to make it, but it is OK...I am ready to go."

I was with his wife when he called as she fed breakfast to their children.  I held her up as she tried to understand his words and as she realized he wasn't coming home that night.

I was in the stairwell of the 23rd floor when a woman cried out to Me for help.  "I have been knocking on the door of your heart for 50 years!" I said.  "Of course I will show you the way home -- only believe on Me now."

I was at the base of the building with the Priest ministering to the injured and devastated souls. I took him home to tend to his Flock in Heaven. He heard my voice and answered.

I was on all four of those planes, in every seat, with every prayer.  I was with the crew as they were overtaken.  I was in the very hearts of the believers there, comforting and assuring them that their faith has saved them.

I was in Texas, Kansas, London.  I was standing next to you when you heard the terrible news.  Did you sense Me?

I want you to know that I saw every face.  I knew every name -- though not all know Me.

Some met Me for the first time on the 86th floor.

Some sought Me with their last breath.

Some couldn't hear Me calling to them through the smoke and flames; “Come to Me... This way... take My hand."

Some chose, for the final time, to ignore Me.

But, I was there.

I did not place you in the Tower that day.  You may not know why, but I do.

However, if you were there in that explosive moment in time, would you have reached for Me?

September 11, 2001, was not the end of the journey for you.  But someday your journey will end and I will be there for you as well.

Seek Me now while I may be found.

Then, at any moment, you know you are "ready to go."

I will be in the stairwell of your final moments.

God

During the next 60 seconds, please stop whatever you are doing, and take this opportunity (really, just 1 minute) to say an "Our Father" for the families of all those who lost their lives and the responders who risked their lives due to the events of September 11, 2001:

Our Father who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Name,
Thy Kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
On Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day
Our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, forever and ever. Amen.

Please don't forget to give thanks for your family and friends!

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This collage was created with the faces of the fallen...

 

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