911 Calls

 

  

 

I'm just me...

Questions That Haunt Me!

Hope you enjoy this giggle from Meredith's Jack!!!

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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

What disease did cured ham actually have? 

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? 

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? 

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway...

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?  They're both dogs!

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? 

Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?  

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four   billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles   for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that sofas   are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a thread a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the   vacuum one more chance? 

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light   fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?  

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my   FAVORITE.........

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness  Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Walkin'

Memorial Day 2018

 

 

 

Cats

Man and Woman

Integrity

 

Problems

Killer Biscuits

Here's another oldie that I previously shared but it's making the rounds again...still cracks me up...Hope you enjoy! 

Shoe Shopping with Dad

Here's a very funny oldie from our lovely Ami...have shared it before but it makes me giggle every time I find it. Hope you enjoy!

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I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes.  We decided to grab a bite at the food court.  I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors -  green, red, orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at her.  The teenager kept looking and would find my dad staring every time.  When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked:

"What's the matter, old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response.  I knew he would have a good one!  In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid:

"Got stoned once and had sex with a parrot.  I was just wondering if you might be my kid."

Difficult

Friday Night

 

 

Exercise Tips

My Happy Place

Bears

Alligators