The First Day of School

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.

The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit.

 

The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.

 

The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.

 

Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. 

The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.


She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.


"Is it wine?" she guessed.


"No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne?"


"No," said the little boy.............

"It's a puppy!"

 

Guess that will teach her…


ROFLMBO!

 

Kinky Sex

Guess “50 Shades…” has impacted more than just vanilla housewives.  LOL

 

Harvard recognizes group promoting safe kinky sex

 

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. (AP) - Kinky sex has been admitted to Harvard.

The nation's oldest university has formally recognized Harvard College Munch, a group promoting discussions and safe practices of kinky and alternative sex. The school has no record of a similar group being recognized in its 376-year history.

The Committee on Student Life recognized Munch on Friday, making it one of 400 independent student organizations on campus. The decision occurred more than a year after members began meeting informally over meals.

"Applications for recognition are decided by a student-faculty committee following the review of a committee composed of students and administrators," Harvard spokesman Jeff Neal said in a statement Tuesday. "The college does not endorse the views or activities of any independent student organization."

Harvard is not the first school in the country to formally recognize kinky sex groups, and several active groups exist within the larger community in Cambridge and neighboring Boston.

Read the entire story here

 


Whoda thunk it!

Remind You of Anyone?

Some of these have been sent to me and some I have run across while surfing the internet but all of them remind me of at least one, usually more, people here in blogland.
 

Do you recognize yourself? 


Do you recognize any friends?  


Do you recognize one friend in several different sayings?


Do you recognize several different friends in one saying?


Oh yes, I do recognize quite a few…

 

  

  

 


ROFLMBO!

Hope you enjoy these.
 

Christmas (Birthday) Cake

Christmas has always been a special holiday for me and I always tried to make it a very magical time for for my boys no matter what was happening in our lives.

But Christmas has become so commercial, that I never wanted them to forget why we celebrated and in whose honor it was. So one tradition I started when they were very young was a special Birthday cake that was served on Christmas morning along with hot spiced cider. If they woke before we did (and they always did, LOL) they were allowed to open their stockings and nothing else. Once we were all up, we sang happy birthday to the baby Jesus, cut the cake and had cake and cider while we opened our gifts. The cake is more like a "coffee cake" with nuts and spices and my gang all love it.

Even though my oldest is giving me fits with his current 'beliefs', he still wanted me to send him the recipe for the cake and cider so he can continue the tradition of eating cake and drinking cider while opening gifts, with his daughters.

I thought maybe some of you might like to start a tradition of your own or just would like the cake as it’s really very good. LOL

Ingredients
1 box yellow cake mix
4 beaten eggs
1 cup sour cream
¼ cup vegetable oil
¾ cup hot water
1 package instant vanilla pudding
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon butter extract
¼ cup sugar
2 teaspoons cinnamon
Chopped walnuts

 

Directions

• Preheat over to 350º.
• Put all ingredients except sugar, cinnamon and walnuts into a glass bowl.
• Mix well with electric mixer.
• Grease Bundt pan well and line bottom and sides with walnuts.
• Combine sugar, cinnamon and more chopped walnuts in a separate bowl.
• Pour batter into pan by alternating between the first prepared mixture and the cinnamon mixture, ending with the first mixture.
• Bake 1 hour in oven.
• Cake is done when a knife inserted into the cake comes out clean.
• Turn a plate upside down on the cake and flip it over.

NOTES:

• If you have picky eaters, do not let them see you add the sour cream (my oldest didn’t know about this ingredient until I gave him the recipe several years ago LOL)
• Do not use butter to grease Bundt pan as it will cause the cake to stick.
• When you line the Bundt pan with walnuts, they will NOT stick all the way up the sides.
• When adding the cinnamon mixture, try to keep it away from the edges so that you will have less trouble with sticking
• Set the cake on a cooling rack for approximately 10 minutes before trying to flip it out of the pan
• If the cake sticks to the pan, tap carefully on the bottom and sides of the pan.
• If any pieces remain in pan, just stick them where they belong in the cake – it is moist enough that it will hold back together.
• If you decide to use pecans rather than walnuts, be very careful because pecans seem to cause more sticking
• You can make this without nuts if you don’t like them 
• Tightly covering the cake while still slightly warm will keep it moist and fresh.  Will last up to 5 days without refrigeration.  Of course, it never lasts that long around my house. LOL

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask and if you try the recipe, as always, I would love any feedback you would care to give.

I Need Glasses…

For those who have had a rough week…

 

 Enjoy!

The Letter

This was on my FB page the other day. It so touched my heart that I had to share.

Our 14-year-old dog Abbey died last month.

The day after she passed away my 4-year-old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey.

She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her.

I told her that I thought we could so, and she dictated these words:


Dear God,

Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick.

I hope you will play with her. She likes to swim and play with balls. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her you will know that she is my dog. I really miss her.

Love, Meredith


We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven.

We put our return address on it.

Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven.

That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office.

A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet.

I told her that I thought He had.


Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, 'To Meredith' in an unfamiliar hand.

Meredith opened it.

Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, 'When a Pet Dies.'

Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope.

On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note:


Dear Meredith,

Abbey arrived safely in heaven. Having the picture was a big help and I recognized her right away.

Abbey isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart.

Abbey loved being your dog. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep your picture in so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by.

Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you. I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much. By the way, I'm easy to find. I am wherever there is love.

Love, God

Courtesy of

Lovely Pets

Catholic Vocabulary Test

I am sure that some of these pertain to other denominations also. ;) 

AMEN:  The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN:  Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR:  A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.

HOLY WATER:  A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

HYMN:  A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN:  The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

INCENSE:  Holy Smoke!

JESUITS:  An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams.

JONAH:  The original 'Jaws' story.

JUSTICE:  When kids have kids of their own.

KYRIE ELEISON:  The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. (for you non-Catholics it means Lord have mercy)

MAGI:  The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER:  Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)

PEW:  A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.

PROCESSION:  The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL:  The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

RELICS:  People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS:  The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.

Little known facts about the Catholic Church in Las Vegas :
     There are more churches in Las Vegas than casinos.
     During Sunday services at the offertory, some worshippers contribute casino chips as
     opposed to cash.
     Some are sharing their winnings - some are hoping to win.
     Since they get chips from so many different casinos, and they are worth money, the
     Catholic churches  are required to send all the chips into the diocese for sorting.
     Once sorted into the respective casino chips, one junior priest takes the chips and
     makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips into cash.
     And he, of course, is known as…

 The Chip Monk.

Shhhh... This information is for Catholics only.  It must not be divulged to non-Catholics.  The less they know about Catholic rituals and top secret code words, the better off they are.  If a non-Catholic receives this, please feel free to share. 


LOL

The Smile Creator

Look carefully in each picture for the cat as it makes it's way down to the dog.....

Then, check the explanation at the end … 
 

Live, Laugh, Love

Life is not the way it's supposed to be.

It's the way it is.

The way we cope with it, is what makes the difference.

The Writer’s Choice

For all of our talented writers here in blogland.

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.

He decided to check out each place first.

As the writer descended into the fiery pits, he saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop.

As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.

"Oh my," said the writer. "Let me see heaven now."

...


A few moments later, as he ascended into heaven, he saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop.

As they worked, they too, were whipped with thorny lashes.

"Wait a minute," said the writer. "This is just as bad as hell!"

"Oh no, it's not," replied an unseen voice. "Here, your work gets published."

Dumb Laws in Arizona

Many of the laws below have been verified, but many have been taken from websites that do not include law citations. The laws have been taken from newsgroups, websites,  and visitor comments to various sites. All of the following are true as far as I know but not sure how many are still on the books.

Hunting camels is prohibited. (Well darn the bad luck. And there are so many to hunt in Arizona!)

Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony. (Okaaaay)

There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus. (Guess Arizona takes it cactus very seriously )

Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs. (That’s good – wouldn’t want to clean it afterwards)

A class 2 misdemeanor occurs if one places a mark upon a flag which is “likely to provoke physical retaliation”.

It is illegal to manufacture imitation cocaine. (So authentic is ok?)

A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. (Hmmm…anyone moving soon? )

It is illegal to take naked photographs before noon on Sunday.

Oral sex is considered to be sodomy. (Uh Oh…)

When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person possesses. (Note: The same weapon, not same type of weapon. So here’s the plan – grab the weapon and attack them – riiight.)

It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.

You may not have more than two dildos in a house. (I know some people who better not move to Arizona! teehee)


City Laws in Arizona 

Glendale: Cars may not be driven in reverse. (Wonder how they get out of the driveway) 

Globe: Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American. (Not a good place to play cards anyway) 

Hayden: If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined. (Umm – what do you consider ‘bother’?) 

Maricopa County: No more than six girls may live in any house. (There goes the sorority houses. And what do you do with that extra daughter?) 

Mesa: It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license. (scratching head on this one…) 

Mohave County: A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up. (A clean thief ) 

Nogales: An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders. (???) 

Prescott: No one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house. (And I would want to why?) 

Tempe: One must be 18 years old to buy spray paint. 

Tombstone: It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling. (Gotta get rid of some teeth if you’re going here. ROFL) 

Tucson: Women may not wear pants. (Oops – guess I broke the law last time I was there)
 
ROFLMBO