Visit with new GP

Here's a goodie from Meredith's Jack. Hope you enjoy!

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I recently was assigned to a new GP. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age (I've just reached 70). A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 85?'


He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?

'Oh not much grog these days and don't smoke' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'


Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks, fatty roasts and barbecued Ribs?

"I said, 'Not much; my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'


'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, surfing, hiking, or bicycling?'

'No, I don't.' I said. "I've had skin cancers, you see."


He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex?'

 'No,' I said...



He looked at me and said... "Then, why the f**k do you want to live to 85?"

Merry Christmas 2019

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving 2019

Hearing Test

Here's an oldie but a goodie from Meredith's Jack. Hope you enjoy!

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An elderly lady was concerned about her husband’s hearing. It seemed that every time she would call him, he wouldn’t respond. So, the lady went to the doctor to ask his advice.

The doctor said to her, “You play golf with him, right? Stand a distance away from him and tell him something. Better yet, ask his advice on how to play a shot. Continue to move closer to him until he responds to your question so you know exactly how far away he is from you when he finally hears you.”

She thought this was a great idea. The next time they were out on the course, she asked from a distance, “Herbert, what club should I play for this shot?”

There was no response. She moved 10 feet closer. Again she yelled, “Herbert, what club should I play for this shot?”

Still no response, so she moved another 15 feet closer to where she was now practically face to face with her husband. 

She yelled even louder this time, “HERBERT, WHAT CLUB SHOULD I PLAY FOR THIS SHOT?”

Herbert, annoyed, yelled back at her, “FOR THE THIRD TIME, USE A 5-IRON!”

Got a Cold?

Very Bad Day

Conversations with Doc

 

 

Conversation with Doctor

Visit to Doctor

Bee Sting

🐝 🤪

Doc Question

Urges

Conversation with Nurse

New Brain

A lawyer went to the brain store to get some new brains. 

He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offered at this particular brain store. 

So he asks the butcher: 

"How much for Engineer brain?" 
"3 dollars an ounce." 


"How much for doctor brain?" 
"4 dollars an ounce." 


"How much for lawyer brain?" 
"100 dollars an ounce." 


"Why is lawyer brain so much more?" 
"Do you know how many lawyers you need to kill to get one ounce of brain?!"

Doctor's Visit

Here's a very funny giggle from our lovely Ami. Hope you enjoy!

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The husband was a bit embarrassed and told the doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his wife and she was getting frustrated.

The doc checked the man's blood pressure and other vitals, then after a thorough examination said he wanted to check with the wife.

He took her to another cubicle and asked her to disrobe. Then he told her to turn all the way around slowly.

She did as instructed. He then told her to raise her arms above her head, then bend over, touch her toes and cough.

Finally he said, "Ok, good. You can get dressed now, and I will go talk to your husband".

The doctor went back to the other cubicle and said to the husband, "Well, you can relax, there is nothing wrong with you. I couldn't get an erection either."

Hubby’s Results

Here's another fun giggle courtesy of our lovely Ami's Star Song...

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The husband was a bit embarrassed and told the doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his wife and she was getting frustrated.

The doc checked the man's blood pressure and other vitals, then after a thorough examination said he wanted to check with the wife.

 
He took her to another cubicle and asked her to disrobe. Then he told her to turn all the way around slowly.

She did as instructed. He then told her to raise her arms above her head, then bend over, touch her toes and cough.


Finally he said, "Ok, good. You can get dressed now, and I will go talk to your husband".
 

The doctor went back to the other cubicle and said to the husband, "Well, you can relax, there is nothing wrong with you. I couldn't get an erection either."

3 Wedding Nights

Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy.

The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nice, nurses are known to be hot."

The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices."

The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are too strict."

The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband. He sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary.'"



Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was "Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'"




Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says,

"When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to do this over and over until we get it right!'"
 

Courtesy of BabaMail

How Many Letters Do You Have to Your Name, Sir?

Our awesome Faerie from faerie learns to fly is back! For those of you who haven't met her, go on over and say "hey"

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A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that day he decides he might give the fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.

So, he asks the man his name.

"Fred," the driver replies.
 
"Fred what?" the officer asks.

"Just Fred," the man responds.

When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. 

The officer thinks he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.

"Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"

The man replies, "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades."

"When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD."

"After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS."

"Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS with VD."

"Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD."

"Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD."


Then the VD took away my dingaling . . . so now I'm just Fred."  


The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

Courtesy of BabaMail

The Doctor Visit

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
 
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
 
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.”
 

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

“Gee, Mom,” he exclaimed. “For me?”

“Just take two,” Brenda replied.

 
“The rest are for your father.”
 

Alrighty then…

X-Ray

This giggle is from Meredith's Jack! Enjoy!!!

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I just returned from the Dr with the X-Ray of my recent knee surgery and thought I'd share it with you all...