Showing posts with label Blonde. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blonde. Show all posts
Monday, August 19, 2019
Friday, June 21, 2019
Thursday, April 18, 2019
Celebrating
Here's an oldie but a goodie for ya..Enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We have all had one of those moments when we had a little
bit too much to drink and perhaps did something that we regretted. It seems as
if the three women in this joke had a similar experience, but they did
something and they don’t even remember it to regret it. The problem is, they’re
being charged with a crime but they at least get the last word in before they
throw the switch on the electric chair. What will they say? Will it make a
difference? You’ll have to read it to see but let’s just say, you will be
laughing by the end.
Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college
graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to
be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the
night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair
and is asked if she has any last words. She says, “I just graduated from
Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on
the behalf of the innocent.” They throw the switch and nothing happens. They
all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and
release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her
last words. “I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in
the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” They throw the
switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their
knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m
from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical
Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody
if you don’t plug this thing in.”
Monday, April 15, 2019
Monday, February 25, 2019
Below Par IQs
ACTUAL CALLS RECEIVED AT A PUBLIC GOLF COURSE
Staff: Golf course, may I help
you?
Caller: What are your green fees?
Staff: 38 dollars.
Caller: Does that include golf?
Staff: Golf course, may I help
you?
Caller: Yes, I need to get some
information from you First, is this your correct phone number?
Staff: Golf course, may I help
you?
Caller: Yes, we have a tee time for two
weeks from Friday.
What's the weather going to be like that day?
Staff: Golf course, may I help
you?
Caller: Yes, I had a tee time for this
afternoon but I'm running late. Can you still get me out early?
Staff: Golf course, may I help
you?
Caller: Yes, do you have one of those
areas where you can buy a bucket of golf balls and hit them for practice?
Staff: You mean a driving
range?
Caller: No, that's not it.
Staff: Golf course, may I help
you?
Caller: Yes, I'd like to get a tee time
tomorrow between 12 o'clock and noon.
Staff: Between 12 o'clock and
noon?
Caller: Yes.
Staff: We'll try to squeeze
you in.
Staff: Golf course, may I help
you?
Caller: Do you have any open tee times
around 10 o'clock?
Staff: Yes, we have one at
10:15.
Caller: What's the next time after that?
Staff: We have one at 10:22.
Caller: We'll take that one. It will be a
bit warmer
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: How much to play golf today?
Staff: 25 to walk, 38 with a cart.
Caller: 38 dollars?
Staff: No, 38 yen.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: What do you have for tee times tomorrow?
Staff: What time would you like?
Caller: What times do you have?
Staff: What time of the day?
Caller: Any time.
Staff: Morning or afternoon?
Caller: Whenever.
Staff: We have 16 times open in the
morning and 20 open in the afternoon. Would you like me to read the whole
list?
Caller: No, I don't think any of those times
will work for me.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have a dress code?
Staff: Yes, we do. We require soft
spikes.
Caller: How about clothes?
Staff: Yes, you have to wear
clothes.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff: Yes.
Caller: How much for a bucket of large balls?
Staff: Sorry, we're all out of large balls. But
we can give you twice as many small balls for the same price.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Can I get a tee time for tomorrow?
Staff: Sure, what time would
you like?
Caller: Something between 9 o'clock and 10
o'clock. In the morning, if possible.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you rent golf clubs there?
Staff: Yes, they're 25 dollars.
Caller: How much to rent a bag?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, my husband just called me on his
cell phone and told me he's on the 15th hole. How many more holes does he
have to play before he gets to the 18th?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff: Yes.
Caller: How much for a large bucket?
Staff: Four dollars.
Caller: Does that include the balls?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have a twilight rate?
Staff: Yes, it's 15 dollars after 2
o'clock.
Caller: And what time does that start?
Staff: Golf course, may I help
you?
Caller: Yes, I'd like some info about your golf
course.
Staff: OK, what would you like to
know?
Caller: I don't know, that's why I called.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: My kids just came home with pockets full of
range balls and said they stole them from your driving range. Would you
like to buy them back?
Sunday, January 13, 2019
Monday, May 21, 2018
Killer Biscuits
Here's another oldie that I previously shared but it's making the rounds again...still cracks me up...Hope you enjoy!
Friday, May 4, 2018
Thursday, April 5, 2018
The Phone
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.
Meg was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.
The next day Meg went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end.
"Hi Meg," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"
Meg replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
Meg was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.
The next day Meg went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end.
"Hi Meg," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"
Meg replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
Monday, January 22, 2018
Here's a fun oldie for ya.
A man was in his yard mowing the grass when his blonde neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is!” My stupid new computer keeps saying, “You’ve Got Mail.”
A man was in his yard mowing the grass when his blonde neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is!” My stupid new computer keeps saying, “You’ve Got Mail.”
Friday, October 27, 2017
Brain Test
Okay....here it is.
A test to see if your brain is still working.
Which one do you think is the blonde?
Did you figure it out?
The Blonde is the one with the wrong leg up.
A test to see if your brain is still working.
Which one do you think is the blonde?
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
Did you figure it out?
↓
↓
↓
The Blonde is the one with the wrong leg up.
Monday, June 12, 2017
At the Pharmacy
Outside a pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle, just standing there, frozen.
The pharmacist goes up to his assistant and asks: "What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?"
Assistant replies: "Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help."
Pharmacist says: "He seems to be fine now."
Assistant replies: "Sure, he does. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market. Now he won't dare cough!"
There was the woman who approached the local pharmacist and asked for cyanide.
"What on earth would you want to do with cyanide?" he asked.
"I want to poison my husband" she said coolly.
Of course the pharmacist was quite upset about this and made it quite clear to her that he was not going to be part of such a plot, and that he had no intention of selling any poison to her for that purpose.
The woman then took a photograph out of her bag. It showed the pharmacist's wife in bed with the woman's husband.
“Oh! You didn’t tell me you had a prescription!”
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go get it.
"She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "To apply, push up bottom."
The pharmacist goes up to his assistant and asks: "What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?"
Assistant replies: "Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help."
Pharmacist says: "He seems to be fine now."
Assistant replies: "Sure, he does. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market. Now he won't dare cough!"
There was the woman who approached the local pharmacist and asked for cyanide.
"What on earth would you want to do with cyanide?" he asked.
"I want to poison my husband" she said coolly.
Of course the pharmacist was quite upset about this and made it quite clear to her that he was not going to be part of such a plot, and that he had no intention of selling any poison to her for that purpose.
The woman then took a photograph out of her bag. It showed the pharmacist's wife in bed with the woman's husband.
“Oh! You didn’t tell me you had a prescription!”
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go get it.
"She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "To apply, push up bottom."
Courtesy of BabaMail
Thursday, May 25, 2017
A Beer?
It was my first time visiting Dr. Putz for a colonoscopy.
I went into his office for my very first rectal exam.
His new blond nurse, Ethel, took me to an examining room.
She told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes. After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down.
While waiting I observed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table:
A Tube of K-Y jelly,
A rubber glove
And a beer.
When Dr. Putz finally came in I said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"
At that, Doctor Putz became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. He flung the door open and yelled to his new blonde nurse:
"Damn it, Ethel! I said a BUTT light."
I went into his office for my very first rectal exam.
His new blond nurse, Ethel, took me to an examining room.
She told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes. After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down.
While waiting I observed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table:
A Tube of K-Y jelly,
A rubber glove
And a beer.
When Dr. Putz finally came in I said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"
At that, Doctor Putz became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. He flung the door open and yelled to his new blonde nurse:
"Damn it, Ethel! I said a BUTT light."
Courtesy of BabaMail
Thursday, May 11, 2017
First Class Travel
Here’s a good oldie from Meredith's Jack,…shared a version of this a while back but funny enough that I had to share this version.
A plane is on its way to Toronto, when a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.
She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies, "I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Toronto and I’m staying right here."
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class that belongs in economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, "I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Toronto and I’m staying right here."
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.
The pilot says, "You say she is a blonde? I'll handle this, I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde."
He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "oh, I'm sorry." and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
"I told her, 'first class isn't going to Toronto."
A plane is on its way to Toronto, when a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.
She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies, "I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Toronto and I’m staying right here."
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class that belongs in economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, "I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Toronto and I’m staying right here."
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.
The pilot says, "You say she is a blonde? I'll handle this, I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde."
He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "oh, I'm sorry." and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
"I told her, 'first class isn't going to Toronto."
Sunday, March 26, 2017
Late to the Party
Since I'm late to the party, I'm sure you know that March is Q&A month in our little corner of blogland.
If you have questions, feel free to ask…I have lots of answers…no guarantee that they will match your questions but you are welcome to try. 
Will leave you with the following giggles…
Stay!
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping centre and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me?"
"Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blonde, gave me a strange look and said,…
"Why don't you just put it in 'Park'?"
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