Little Johnny in 6th Grade

Little Johnny in School

Little Johnny at Dinner

Curious Little Johnny

Here’s another giggle courtesy of our darlin’ Ami over at Ami's Starsong.

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Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods.  Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.


'Mummy, I was at the playground and I  saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her skirt.  Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt  Jane...'

At this point Mummy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting story, let's save the rest of it for supper-time.  I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.'


At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story.

Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.  I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.  Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the oil rigs.'


Mummy fainted!

Moral:
Sometimes you need to just shut up and listen to the whole story…

before you interrupt! 

 

Little Johnny at Dinner

Sure do love this kid.  Reminds me of me!  

Little Johnny’s Black Eye

Dough

Hope y’all had a great weekend. 

Mine was very busy as I needed to get quite a bit accomplished in order to be ready to fly out very early in the morning for a week long visit my grands! Woohoo!!!!!  

Don’t worry my friends as I have scheduled posts to go up every day while I’m gone.   I may/may not answer your comments while I am away but will definitely catch up when I return.     

Behave yourselves!
 

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One of these days, maybe teacher is gonna learn not to call on Little Johnny!

Sally and Johnny

Courtesy of  Sun Gazing

REMINDER:  For those of you who enjoy procrastinating...please remember to get your contribution for Queenie's special post (see original post here) no later than the 16th of February.

Little Johnny at it Again!

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

 
Little Johnny says "I want to be a billionaire,    going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me,    give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks,    an apartment in Hawaii,   a mansion in Paris,    a jet to travel through Europe,    an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her    three times a day".
 

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.
 

"And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.

 
Susie says "I want to be Johnny's bitch." 

Little Johnny

Okay ladies and gentleman…little Johnny is at it again!

Little Johnny came home from school where he heard the word "b*tch."
He asks his mom what the word meant and she responds, "It means priest."

The next day little Johnny hears the word "sh*t", comes home and asks his dad what it means.
His dad answers, "It means food on the table."

At school, he hears the word "f*cking" and asks his mom what it means.
She responds, "It means getting ready."



The next day a priest came over for dinner and little Johnny opened the door and says, "Hey son of a b*tch. There's sh*t on the table and my parents are upstairs f*cking!"



Now…say these words out loud…
Whale, Oil, Beef, Hooked.
 
Try not so sound Irish!  LOL

Value of Catholic Education…

…and a pencil. 
 

Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School.
 
Usually she slept through the class. 

 
 
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 
 
'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?' 
 
 
When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. 
 
'God Almighty!' shouted Susie. 
 
The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.


 
 
A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'

 
But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. 
 
Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt. 
 
'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie. 
 
And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep.

 
 
The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?' 

 
Again, Johnny came to the rescue. 

 
 
This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!' 

 
 
The nun fainted!
 

Little Johnny

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is.
 

When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was.
 

His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''
 

''I still don't get it'' responded Little Johnny.
 
''Why don't you sleep on it then?  Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.
 
''Okay then...good night'' said Little Johnny and went off to bed.
 

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In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying.

He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper.
 

So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help.
 


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When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep.

Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there.
 


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So he went to the maid's room.

When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid.
 


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Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of sh*t!''

Courtesy of http://rfsproductions.ilyke.net/

One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying, "F**k this," "F**k that." 
 
 
The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says,"You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us." 
 
 
"Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny. 
 
"Yes," says the priest. 
 
 
"Is he in that bush over there?" asks Johnny. 
 
"Yes," says the priest." 
 
 
Is he in my wagon?" asked Johnny. 
 
"Yes," says the priest. 

 
 
"Well tell him to get the f**k out and push!!!"
 

Courtesy of http://rfsproductions.ilyke.net/

 

Math Problems

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" 

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." 

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." 



Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

 
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!”

Courtesy of ilyke.net

Wonder why the teacher never learns her lesson regarding little Johnny.     

Manners

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'

Michael said:  'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying:

'That would be rude and impolite.  What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said:  'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.  And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

Sheesh, you would think she would have learned better by now…



Johnny said: 'I would say:  Darling, may I please be excused for a moment?  I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'


The teacher fainted.


ROFLMBO

Honeymoon at Home

Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together.



In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think!  Just go to school."



Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think!  Eat your lunch and go back to school."



After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says, "No.."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for some Vaseline and it was dark, I think...

…


…


…


...


...


…I gave him my airplane glue."



Oops! 


Think they had better check on Fred and Mary PDQ...might need to call the paramedics!