Urges

Sending Love

Vet vs Husband

 Another oldie but goodie.

Men

Here's some oldies (in more ways than one) from Meredith's Jack. Hope you enjoy!

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A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:

“So I hear you’re getting married?”

“Yep!”

“Do I know her?”

“Nope!”

“This woman, is she good looking?”

“Not really.”

“Is she a good cook?”

“Nah, she can’t cook too well.”

“Does she have lots of money?”

“Nope! Poor as a church mouse.”

“Well, then, is she good in bed?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why in the world do you want to marry her then?”

“Because she can still drive!”



A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”

“Really,” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?”

“Twelve thirty.”



Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”

Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.’ ”

The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’ ”



Men!

Be Yourself

Brake Fluid

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A mechanic was working under a car and some brake fluid dripped into his mouth. "Wow! That stuff isn't too bad tasting," he thought. The next day, he told his buddy about tasting the brake fluid. "It was pretty good, really. I think I'll have a little more today."


His friend was a little concerned, but didn't say anything. The next day, "Hey, I drank a whole glass of brake fluid. Great stuff! I'm going to have more." A few days later, he was up to a bottle a day.


"You know," said his buddy, "that brake fluid is poison and really bad for you. You better cut out drinking that stuff."


"Hey, no problem. I can stop any time!"

Oh and this groaner was brought to you courtesy of Meredith's Jack.

Special Occasions

Here's another oldie but goodie...hope you enjoy!

My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake).

One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping ‘napkins’ in the bathroom. Didn’t they belong in the kitchen?

Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts about puberty at such an early age, she told me that those were for “special occasions.”

Now fast forward a few months… It’s my Mother’s Birthday, and my folks are leaving to pick up the pastor and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table.

When they returned, the pastor came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling.

Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a “special occasion” napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top.

I had even tucked the little tails in so they didn’t hang off the edge!!

My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter.

“But, Mom, you SAID they were for special occasions!”

Life is too short for drama & petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly…and for heavens sake, use the good napkins whenever you can. Pass this on to your friends who need a good laugh.

 

to do list

Have shared this oldie before but thought it needed to be shared again to kick off your Monday. And yes, i have pulled some of these.😛

Ponder This

Kleenex!