~Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will
fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia has set in. The AAA is not an option.
I will win.~
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~Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may
miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by
holding a calculator).....applies to engineers mainly~.
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~Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I
will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If
another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able
to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I
wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a
form of holy
communion.~
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~Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to
bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman.
You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.~
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~Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic
items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the
same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything
for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys,
cumin is a spice and not a bodily function.)~
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~Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just
cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back
together.~
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~Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars, or motorcycles. I have
to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.~
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~Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or
have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about
her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I
don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother,
too.~
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~Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you
are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the
name and recommend it to others.~
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~Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I
thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of
shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You
look fine. Can we just go now?~
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~Because I'm a man, and this is, after all , the year 2016,
I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking,
the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...like
wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.~
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This has been a public service message for Women to better
understand Men.
