Dear Santa…

Please send a prayer and/or positive thoughts for all our military who can’t be home with their families and also for all our law enforcement, fire fighters and medical personnel who will be away from their families working through the holiday to keep all safe.

Chocolate Syrup

Here’s a sweet treat that is easy to make.

Ingredients:

• 1 cup sugar
• 1/2 cup cocoa powder
• dash sea salt
• 1 cup water
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions:

1. Combine sugar, cocoa, salt,  and water
2. Bring to boil for one full  minute, whisking constantly.
3. Let cool and stir in vanilla.
4. Pour into jar or bottle with tight fitting lid.
5. Refrigerate.
6. Add to milk as desired.

Notes:

• Can also re-heat and pour over ice cream.
• Do not re-heat the entire batch…only what you are going to use.
• When you re-heat, do not bring to boil…just warm.

Hey Sunny…5 and 6 should be okay since one of the steps is ‘refrigerate’.

Hey PK…you shouldn’t have any trouble with this either.

As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask and if you try the recipe, I would love any feedback you would care to give.

Hope you enjoy!

 

Fruit Dip

If you need a quick and easy recipe to take along somewhere or something a bit different for the kids or yourself!

Ingredients:

• 8 ounce package cream cheese
• ¾ cup lightly packed light brown sugar
• 1 tablespoon Vanilla extract

Instructions:

1. Soften cream cheese.
2. Place cream cheese in mixing bowl – mix until fairly smooth.
3. Add vanilla – mix until well blended.
4. Add brown sugar – breaking up any chunks – mix until smooth.
5. Serve with your choice of fruit.

Notes:

• Firmer fruits such as apples, whole strawberries, pears, pineapple chunks, etc. work better for dipping. However, you can slice your fruit and spoon dip over the top for a refreshing dessert.
• Easily doubled.or tripled
• My youngest will eat this by the spoonful!

Sunny…less than 5 and 5!

As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask and if you try the recipe, I would love any feedback you would care to give.

Hope you enjoy!

 

Rating your Christmas Parties

If you threw a party, the worst thing you could have done was throw the kind of party where your guests, the next day, call you up to say they had a nice time. 


Now you'll be expected to throw another great party next year!
 
What you should have done was throw the kind of party where your guests wake up several days from now and call their lawyers to find out if they've been indicted for anything.

You want your guests to be so anxious to avoid a recurrence of your party that they immediately start planning parties of their own, a year in advance, just to prevent you from having another one.

So next time, make sure your party reaches the correct Festivity Level:


Festivity Level One:
Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling at hors d'oeuvres.


Festivity Level Two:
Your guests are talking loudly--sometimes to each other and sometimes to nobody at all, rearranging your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing "I Gotta Be Me" around the upright piano, gulping their drinks and wolfing down hors d'oeuvres.


Festivity Level Three:
Your guests are arguing violently with inanimate objects, singing "I Can't Get No Satisfaction," gulping other people's drinks, wolfing down Christmas-tree ornaments, and placing hors d'oeuvres in the upright piano to see what happens when the little hammers strike them. 

You want to keep your party somewhere around Level Three, unless you rent your home and own firearms, in which case you can go to Level Four.
  
Festivity Level Four:
Your guests have hors d'oeuvres smeared all over their bodies, are performing a ritual dance around the burning Christmas tree, and have consumed all ten gallons of alcohol at the party. The piano is missing. 

The best way to get to Level Four is eggnog.  To make eggnog, you'll need rum, whiskey, wine, gin and, if they are in season, eggs. Combine all ingredients in a large, festive bowl.  If you use enough alcohol you won't have to worry about them getting salmonella poisoning--their alcohol toxicity level will eliminate that possibility.  Then induce your guests to drink this potent mixture.

If your party is successful, the police will knock on your door.  

If your party is very successful, the police will then lob tear gas through your living-room window. 

As host, your job is to make sure they don't arrest anybody. 

Or, if they're dead set on arresting someone, your job is to make sure it isn't you. 

The best way to do this is to show a lot of respect for their uniforms and assure them you're not doing anything illegal.

Here's how to handle it:

Police: "Good evening. Are you the host?"
You: "No."
Police: "We've been getting complaints about this party."
You: "About the drugs?"
Police: "No."
You: "About the guns, then?  Is somebody complaining about the guns?"
Police: "No, the noise."
You: "Oh, the noise.  Well, that makes sense, because there are no guns or drugs here.  (An enormous explosion is heard in the background.)  Or fireworks.  Who's complaining about the noise?  The neighbors?"
Police: "No, the neighbors fled inland hours ago.  Most of the recent complaints have come from several miles away.  Do you think you could ask the host to quiet things down?"
You: "No problem. (At this point, a Volkswagen bug with primitive religious symbols drawn on the doors emerges from the living room and roars down the hall, past the police and out the front door onto the lawn, where it smashes into a tree. Eight guests tumble out onto the grass, moaning.)  See?  Things are starting to wind down."

Courtesy of ahajokes.com

And that’s how it is done! 

Jolly!

A friend of mine posted a picture on Facebook and when I ‘Liked’ it, she sent me a PM that began: “You're it! Just like me you shouldn't have commented or liked it...you fell into a trap, its a game!…”

I really don’t mind but since my friends have already seen it on Facebook, think I’ll just post it here.  Am sure my friends in blog land will appreciate it even more than most of my Facebook friends as we do have quite a few 'bad girls' here in blog land.

S. Clizzy

Dear Santa,

How are you?  How is Mrs. Claus?  I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine.  

I have been a very good boy this year.  I would like an X-Box One with Call of Duty Ghosts and a Samsung Galaxy Note 3 for Christmas.  

I hope you remember that come Christmas Day!

Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones

-----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Timmy

Thank you for your letter.  Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them.  

Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting.  Santa wouldn't want you to get fat and lose your social skills!  

Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with and socialize with others.

Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus

------------------------------------------------------------

Mr. Claus,

Seeing that I have fulfilled the "Naughty vs. Nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for.  I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation.  

Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?

Respectfully,
Tim Jones

-------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Jones,

While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided.  Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right.  Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court.  

Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

Very Truly Yours,
S Claus

---------------------------------------------------------------

Now look here Fat Man,

I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it!!!!  

I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this.  

Now you just be disrespectin' me.  

I'm 'boutta tweet my homies and we gonna be waiting for yo fat azz and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever damn else I want. 

WHAT EVER I WANT, BRO!

T-Bone

---------------------------------------------------------------

Listen Pizza Face,

Seriously???  You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe?  

"He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake".  Sound familiar, genius?  

You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal.  I got your **** wired, Jack.  

I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza rolls all over the carpet of your mom's basement. 

You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your azz and then walk it dry. 

Chew on that, Petunia.

S Clizzy

------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Santa,

Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.

Timmy

------------------------------------------------------------------

Timmy,

That's what I thought, you little shit!

Santa

Not Okay!

I  have been following Ana’s Advent calendar and was so touched by her post today.  Afterwards, I opened my email and found the following…talk about awesome timing!  Hope you get a chance to visit her if you haven’t already!

Christmas Lights

 

A woman after my own heart! LOL

Milan Orders Removal of Naughty Christmas Tree

Looks sorta sad and plain doesn’t it.

(AP) A Christmas tree the was previously adorned with red sex toys is displayed in a street, in Milan,...(AP Photo/Antonio Calanni)

MILAN (AP) - A provocatively adorned outdoor Christmas tree in central Milan was just too naughty for city officials, who have ordered it denuded of its racy red sex toys.
 
The city said in an order that the Christmas season, "qualifying as a holiday for children and families, requires sobriety in urban decorations," in particular when using "traditional symbols that distinguish Christmas."
 
Norma Rossetti, who launched an Italian sex toy e-commerce website this year, said Friday she complied immediately with the order. But she defended the so-called "Tree of Pleasure" saying the objects chosen were elegant and not obviously X-rated.  She said her goal is to break down taboos by making sex toys  "completely normal everyday objects."

Rossetti acknowledged some complaints, but said most passers-by during the one-day display were enthusiastic.  http://apnews.myway.com//article/20131213/DAALHPA83.html

 

In this photo released by MySecretCase Friday, Dec. 13, 2013, a woman takes a picture of the "Tree of Pleasure" in downtown Milan, Italy, before its racy red sex toys were removed from its branches. (AP Photo/MySecretCase)  

(Facebook/My Secret Case)

(Facebook/My Secret Case)

If you didn’t have any kids around, would you decorate your tree with these?     How about putting a tree like this in your bedroom?      

Holiday Party Memo

 
Company Memo
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.   There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!   We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along.   And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!   A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM.   Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.   This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty

 
Company Memo
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party 
 

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.   We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.  However, from now on, we're calling it our " Holiday Party."  The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.  There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.  We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty

 
Company Memo
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2009
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name.  I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.  How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

 
Company Memo
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party 
 

What a diverse group we are!  I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.  There goes the party!  Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.  Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy.  Will that work? 
 
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. 
 
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.  Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. 
 
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry. 
 
We will have booster seats for short people. 
 
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. 
 
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food.  The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. 
 
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!  

Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty

 
Company Memo
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2009
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party 
 

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!!  We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes.  But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too.  They scream when you slice them.  I've heard them scream.  I'm hearing them scream right NOW! 
 
The rest of you f*%^ing weirdo's can kiss my *ss.  I hope you all have a rotten holiday! 
 
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!

 
Company Memo
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2009
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party 
 

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. 
 
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. 
 
Happy Holidays!
Joan

Courtesy of jokebuddha.com