logic for dummies

Our Meredith's Jack is at it again!  

♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?

♦ Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

♦ I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
 
♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
 
♦ A recent study has found that woman who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.
 
♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
 
♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
 
♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
 
♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
We'll see about that.
 
♦ You're not fat, you're just…easier to see.
 
♦ If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
 
♦ I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”
 
♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
 
♦ My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.
 
♦ Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!
 
♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
 
♦ Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!