Office Contribution

Tea is Evil

Buying Wine

Soup of the Day

How to Kill Mosquitoes

Celebrating

Here's an oldie but a goodie for ya..Enjoy!

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We have all had one of those moments when we had a little bit too much to drink and perhaps did something that we regretted. It seems as if the three women in this joke had a similar experience, but they did something and they don’t even remember it to regret it. The problem is, they’re being charged with a crime but they at least get the last word in before they throw the switch on the electric chair. What will they say? Will it make a difference? You’ll have to read it to see but let’s just say, you will be laughing by the end.

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.” They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. “I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.

The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”

Excellent Product!

Exercised

Ten Cent Martinis

Here's an oldie but a goodie from Meredith's Jack. Hope you enjoy!

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Four old guys are walking down a street. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents."

They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen? “There’s a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini.

In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred, and says, "That's 10 cents each, please"

The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please.“

They pay 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet.

Finally, one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"

"I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, Liquor, beer it's all the same."

"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says. As the four of them sip their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven’t ordered anything the whole time they've been there.

Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender says, "They're retired people from Florida. They’re waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price.”

Tough Day

#518 Tough Day

Bubba was drunk, having a tough day he wrote on his Facebook page 

"My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen and my girlfriend is pregnant."

He got an instant reply...

Damn buddy, seems you can’t take anything out on time. 🤣  

Drunk vs Sober

A Bit Tipsy

Friday

Drunk Jumps...

Friday Night

 

 

Riding

Irishman’s First Drink with Son

Hope you enjoy this awesome giggle from Meredith's Jack! 

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An Irishman's first drink with his son!

While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint.


Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage.

I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.


Then I got him a Kilkenny, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.


Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager?

He didn't. I drank it.


I thought maybe he'd like whisky better than beer so we tried a Jameson's; nope!


In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast, Ireland's finest whisky.

He wouldn't even smell it.


What could I do but drink it!

 
By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so shit-faced I could hardly push his stroller back home!!!

Drinks at the Bar

Have a new contributor this week…thank you Bogey!

The Bottle of Wine

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.



As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman.

The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw,studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.



'What in bag?' asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine, I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.

Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:

'Good trade…'

Such a Sensitive Man

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
 
They go back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.
 
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor. Cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher. Huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
 

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by this evidence of his sensitive side! 
 
She turns to him, invitingly…they kiss…and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.
 
After she has this intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, and they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it for you?" 
 
The guy yawns: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

Courtesy of Babamail