What a Woman Needs...
1. Touch her waist.
2. Actually talk to her.
3. Share secrets with her.
4. Give her your jacket.
5. Kiss her slowly.
Are you remembering this?
6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her somewhere.
10. Hangout with her and your friends together.
KEEP READING ..
11. Smile with her.
12. Take pictures with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say “I love her more than you”, deny it. Fight back and hug her tight so she can’t get to her friends. It makes her feel loved.
Are you thinking of someone?
16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. Hug her from behind around the waist.
19. Tell her she’s beautiful.
20. Tell her the way you feel about her.
One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it.
21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car - it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.
22. Tell her she’s your everything - only if you mean it.
23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her - if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT - so just hug her.
24. Make her feel loved.
25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!
WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US
26. Don’t lie to her.
27. DON’T cheat on her.
28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants.
29. Text message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her.
30. Be there for her whenever she needs you, and even when she doesn’t need you, just be there so she’ll know that she can always count on you.
ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER, BECAUSE IT’S IMPORTANT.
31. Hold her close when she’s cold so she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the cheek; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).
34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.
35. Don’t ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you’re mad. If she’s upset, comfort her.
REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT ..
36. When people diss her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.
40. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.
MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHE’S LOVED.
41. Call or text her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night.
44. Always remind her how much you love her.
45. Sit on top of her and tell her how much you love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while you’re sitting on her.
You’ll never know when she needs just a little more love .. ♥
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Saturday, November 30, 2019
Saturday, September 21, 2019
Saturday, August 24, 2019
Wednesday, July 17, 2019
Wednesday, April 17, 2019
Monday, December 24, 2018
Christmas Wishes 2018
Looks as if my family is in need of a miracle this season so if you could please send prayers, healing energy, positive thoughts, blessings, good vibes, whatever your belief system...for my oldest DIL, I would be forever grateful. Thank you!
Saturday, December 22, 2018
Rudolph
How Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer Came to Be
A man named Bob May, depressed and brokenhearted, stared out
his drafty apartment window into the chilling December night. His 4-year-old
daughter Barbara sat on his lap quietly sobbing. Bobs wife, Evelyn, was dying
of cancer. Little Barbara couldn’t understand why her mommy could never come
home. Barbara looked up into her dad’s eyes and asked, “Why isn’t Mommy just
like everybody else’s Mommy?” Bob’s jaw tightened and his eyes welled with
tears.
Her question brought waves of grief, but also of anger. It had
been the story of Bob’s life. Life always had to be different for Bob. Small
when he was a kid, Bob was often bullied by other boys. He was too little at
the time to compete in sports. He was often called names he’d rather not
remember. From childhood, Bob was different and never seemed to fit in. Bob did
complete college, married his loving wife and was grateful to get his job as a
copywriter at Montgomery Ward during the Great Depression. Then he was blessed
with his little girl. But it was all short-lived. Evelyn’s bout with cancer
stripped them of all their savings and now Bob and his daughter were forced to
live in a two-room apartment in he Chicago slums. Evelyn died just days before Christmas in
1938.
Bob struggled to give hope to his child, for whom he
couldn’t even afford to buy a Christmas gift. But if he couldn’t buy a gift, he
was determined a make one – a storybook! Bob had created a character in his own
mind and told the animal’s story to little Barbara to give her comfort and
hope. Again and again Bob told the story, embellishing it more with each
telling. Who was the character? What was the story all about? The story Bob May
created was his own autobiography in fable form. The character he created was a
misfit outcast like he was. The name of the character? A little reindeer named
Rudolph, with a big shiny nose. Bob finished the book just in time to give it
to his little girl on Christmas Day.
But the story doesn’t end here.
The general manager of Montgomery Ward caught wind of the
little storybook and offered Bob May a nominal fee to purchase the rights to
print the book. Wards went on to print, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and
distribute it to children visiting Santa Claus in their stores. By 1946 Wards
had printed and distributed more than six million copies of Rudolph. That same
year, a major publisher wanted to purchase the rights from Wards to print an
updated version of the book.
In an unprecedented gesture of kindness, the CEO of Wards
returned all rights back to Bob May. The book became a best seller. Many toy
and marketing deals followed and Bob May, now remarried with a growing family,
became wealthy from the story he created to comfort his grieving daughter.
But the story doesn’t end here either.
Bob’s brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, made a song adaptation
to Rudolph. Though the song was turned down by such popular vocalists as Bing
Crosby and Dinah Shore, it was recorded by the singing cowboy, Gene Autry.
“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” was released in 1949 and became a phenomenal
success, selling more records than any other Christmas song, with the exception
of “White Christmas".
The gift of love that Bob May created for his daughter so
long ago kept on returning back to bless him again and again. And Bob May
learned the lesson, just like his dear friend Rudolph, that being different
isn’t so bad.
In fact, being different can be a blessing.
Received this in an email and haven't had a chance to fact check...passing along for the uplifting message.
Wednesday, November 21, 2018
Thanksgiving 2018
Thank you to the military personnel, police officers, firefighters, EMTs, nurses, doctors, medical personnel, and anyone else who is working today to take care of others.
I know I've been MIA for quite a long time. The last 18 months have been extremely difficult and at this point, I'm just trying to get through the upcoming holiday season. Thank you to all who continue to visit...even though I haven't been able to answer your comments. And to those who have checked up on me...thank you so much for your caring. All y'all have no idea how much all your support has meant to me.
Monday, October 22, 2018
Saturday, September 29, 2018
Saturday, September 22, 2018
Lying for Love
Below is an article written by Caroline Hwang from Lifetimetv.com that was sent to me back in 2004.
Is honesty always the best policy when it comes to relationships?
Sometimes it seems as though loving and lying go together -- say, when we tell our partner that of course we don't mind if he skips shaving all weekend, or reassure him that the little bald spot on the top of his head makes him sexier. (Right!) Perhaps that's because when we do lie to someone we care about, it's usually with the best of intentions -- to soothe his insecurities or to avoid a fight. And as long as our heart is in the right place, even experts acknowledge that honesty isn't always mandatory. "You don't have to tell the whole truth if it will hurt your partner or if it's something he can't change," says Marion Solomon, Ph.D., a couples therapist based in Los Angeles and author of "Lean on Me."
Still, not all lies are harmless -- even little white ones -- and some untruths can unravel a relationship by eroding intimacy and trust. The worst kind of lie: The one that stems from a desire to make ourselves into someone we're not, or one that enables us to gloss over serious problems in a relationship. How to tell the difference? Next, five lies that can undermine your love -- and five that may actually strengthen it.
The lie: "You deserved that promotion."
The context: Your significant other is upset because he has just been passed over for a raise -- again.
Your motivation for lying: You're trying to cheer him up.
Why the lie could be lethal: Chances are that your partner isn't looking for your evaluation of his job performance but rather for your emotional support. By focusing on the fact that he didn't get the promotion instead of on how he's feeling, you're sending a message that you're not comfortable seeing him vulnerable and upset. "What he'll take away from your comment is that you can't stand to see him down or deal with him being depressed," says Dr. Solomon.
What to say instead: "I'm sorry. I know how bad you must feel."
The lie: "You think I was flirting with Bob?! Don't be ridiculous!"
The context: Bob is a good-looking co-worker with whom you regularly exchange charged sallies. Your partner happened to catch one of these interactions -- and didn't like what he saw.
Your motivation for lying: Sure you flirt with Bob, but you know your exchanges don't mean anything, so they're not worth discussing.
Why the lie could be lethal: If your partner brought this up, he must be feeling jealous or insecure. By brushing off his concerns, you're denying his feelings and distancing yourself. "That's damaging," warns Dr. Solomon.
What to say instead: "Bob and I do flirt sometimes, but it doesn't mean anything. I have no intention of getting involved with him."
The lie: "Oh, ooh, ooooooooh, baby!"
The context: Um, duh, you're between the sheets!
Your motivation for lying: You're going at it, and it's clear that you're not going to have an orgasm. It's time to call it a night.
Why the lie could be lethal: "You're settling for less than you deserve, sexually," says Marilyn Sorensen, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Portland, Oregon, and author of "Breaking the Chain of Low Self-esteem." "Your love life will never improve if your partner doesn't know he's not satisfying you."
What to say instead: "Honey, can we try this another way?"
The lie: "I love spending Thanksgiving with your family."
The context: You were hoping that the two of you could have an intimate holiday together, for once, but your partner just told you that he already committed to having the two of you spend it with his parents -- and six siblings.
Your motivation for lying: What's done is done. Why pick a fight?
Why the lie could be lethal: "If you sweep a conflict under the rug, eventually you're going to trip on it," says Dr. Sorensen. "If a couple tells me they never disagree, I don't conclude that they have a terrific relationship. Rather, I know they don't have good communication."
What to say instead: "I'll try to have a good time, but next year, please ask me before you make our holiday plans."
The lie: "Nothing's wrong. Why do you ask?"
The context: Your partner has just asked what's wrong.
Your motivation for lying: You're in a rotten mood, but it's not about him and you don't feel like hashing over the details.
Why the lie could be lethal: This kind of lie can turn a molehill into a mountain, since your honey will wonder what is so wrong that you can't share it with him.
What to say instead: "I'm upset, but it has nothing to do with you -- and I don't feel like talking about it right now."
The lie: "Ha, ha, ha -- that's hysterical!"
The context: Your guy just told a corny joke.
Your motivation for lying: He's trying to be funny, and you don't want to hurt his feelings by not laughing.
Why the lie won't hurt: "Different people have different senses of humor, and your response acknowledges that," says Dr. Solomon. "By laughing at your partner's joke, you're shoring up his ego."
When to go for the truth instead: If you're consistently laughing when you're not amused, or if his jokes offend you.
The lie: "Thanks for the surprise! I love big, dangly earrings!"
The context: He was in a store, they caught his eye, and he had them wrapped up to go.
Your motivation for lying: True --the earrings aren't really your style, but you appreciate his thoughtfulness.
Why the lie won't hurt: Telling him that you prefer little studs or that you don't wear earrings at all would make him feel like a failure when it comes to giving you presents. "Keep that up and he may stop trying to do spontaneous things to please you," says Dr. Solomon.
When to go for the truth instead: If you suspect that he spent a lot of money for them.
The lie: "You're the best lover I've ever had."
The context: You're next to him, sweaty, panting and post-orgasmic.
Your motivation for lying: Sure, you're exaggerating a bit, but you're feeling euphoric.
Why the lie won't hurt: "It's a compliment that's bound to make him feel good," says Dr. Solomon. "There's nothing wrong with that."
When to go for the truth instead: If he is regularly lousy in bed.
The lie: "Karen says hello."
The context: Your friend (Karen) has just spent the past 30 minutes detailing all the reasons she doesn't like your significant other, who, in turn, has inquired who you've been on the phone with.
Your motivation for lying: You don't want to hurt his feelings.
Why the lie won't hurt: "There's no reason for you to tell him what she really said," notes Dr. Sorensen. "These lies of omission are kinder than the truth."
When to go for the truth instead: If he actually did something inexcusable to your friend.
The lie: "No, I'm not throwing you a surprise birthday party."
The context: Enough said.
Something to think about…
Is honesty always the best policy when it comes to relationships?
Sometimes it seems as though loving and lying go together -- say, when we tell our partner that of course we don't mind if he skips shaving all weekend, or reassure him that the little bald spot on the top of his head makes him sexier. (Right!) Perhaps that's because when we do lie to someone we care about, it's usually with the best of intentions -- to soothe his insecurities or to avoid a fight. And as long as our heart is in the right place, even experts acknowledge that honesty isn't always mandatory. "You don't have to tell the whole truth if it will hurt your partner or if it's something he can't change," says Marion Solomon, Ph.D., a couples therapist based in Los Angeles and author of "Lean on Me."
Still, not all lies are harmless -- even little white ones -- and some untruths can unravel a relationship by eroding intimacy and trust. The worst kind of lie: The one that stems from a desire to make ourselves into someone we're not, or one that enables us to gloss over serious problems in a relationship. How to tell the difference? Next, five lies that can undermine your love -- and five that may actually strengthen it.
The lie: "You deserved that promotion."
The context: Your significant other is upset because he has just been passed over for a raise -- again.
Your motivation for lying: You're trying to cheer him up.
Why the lie could be lethal: Chances are that your partner isn't looking for your evaluation of his job performance but rather for your emotional support. By focusing on the fact that he didn't get the promotion instead of on how he's feeling, you're sending a message that you're not comfortable seeing him vulnerable and upset. "What he'll take away from your comment is that you can't stand to see him down or deal with him being depressed," says Dr. Solomon.
What to say instead: "I'm sorry. I know how bad you must feel."
The lie: "You think I was flirting with Bob?! Don't be ridiculous!"
The context: Bob is a good-looking co-worker with whom you regularly exchange charged sallies. Your partner happened to catch one of these interactions -- and didn't like what he saw.
Your motivation for lying: Sure you flirt with Bob, but you know your exchanges don't mean anything, so they're not worth discussing.
Why the lie could be lethal: If your partner brought this up, he must be feeling jealous or insecure. By brushing off his concerns, you're denying his feelings and distancing yourself. "That's damaging," warns Dr. Solomon.
What to say instead: "Bob and I do flirt sometimes, but it doesn't mean anything. I have no intention of getting involved with him."
The lie: "Oh, ooh, ooooooooh, baby!"
The context: Um, duh, you're between the sheets!
Your motivation for lying: You're going at it, and it's clear that you're not going to have an orgasm. It's time to call it a night.
Why the lie could be lethal: "You're settling for less than you deserve, sexually," says Marilyn Sorensen, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Portland, Oregon, and author of "Breaking the Chain of Low Self-esteem." "Your love life will never improve if your partner doesn't know he's not satisfying you."
What to say instead: "Honey, can we try this another way?"
The lie: "I love spending Thanksgiving with your family."
The context: You were hoping that the two of you could have an intimate holiday together, for once, but your partner just told you that he already committed to having the two of you spend it with his parents -- and six siblings.
Your motivation for lying: What's done is done. Why pick a fight?
Why the lie could be lethal: "If you sweep a conflict under the rug, eventually you're going to trip on it," says Dr. Sorensen. "If a couple tells me they never disagree, I don't conclude that they have a terrific relationship. Rather, I know they don't have good communication."
What to say instead: "I'll try to have a good time, but next year, please ask me before you make our holiday plans."
The lie: "Nothing's wrong. Why do you ask?"
The context: Your partner has just asked what's wrong.
Your motivation for lying: You're in a rotten mood, but it's not about him and you don't feel like hashing over the details.
Why the lie could be lethal: This kind of lie can turn a molehill into a mountain, since your honey will wonder what is so wrong that you can't share it with him.
What to say instead: "I'm upset, but it has nothing to do with you -- and I don't feel like talking about it right now."
The lie: "Ha, ha, ha -- that's hysterical!"
The context: Your guy just told a corny joke.
Your motivation for lying: He's trying to be funny, and you don't want to hurt his feelings by not laughing.
Why the lie won't hurt: "Different people have different senses of humor, and your response acknowledges that," says Dr. Solomon. "By laughing at your partner's joke, you're shoring up his ego."
When to go for the truth instead: If you're consistently laughing when you're not amused, or if his jokes offend you.
The lie: "Thanks for the surprise! I love big, dangly earrings!"
The context: He was in a store, they caught his eye, and he had them wrapped up to go.
Your motivation for lying: True --the earrings aren't really your style, but you appreciate his thoughtfulness.
Why the lie won't hurt: Telling him that you prefer little studs or that you don't wear earrings at all would make him feel like a failure when it comes to giving you presents. "Keep that up and he may stop trying to do spontaneous things to please you," says Dr. Solomon.
When to go for the truth instead: If you suspect that he spent a lot of money for them.
The lie: "You're the best lover I've ever had."
The context: You're next to him, sweaty, panting and post-orgasmic.
Your motivation for lying: Sure, you're exaggerating a bit, but you're feeling euphoric.
Why the lie won't hurt: "It's a compliment that's bound to make him feel good," says Dr. Solomon. "There's nothing wrong with that."
When to go for the truth instead: If he is regularly lousy in bed.
The lie: "Karen says hello."
The context: Your friend (Karen) has just spent the past 30 minutes detailing all the reasons she doesn't like your significant other, who, in turn, has inquired who you've been on the phone with.
Your motivation for lying: You don't want to hurt his feelings.
Why the lie won't hurt: "There's no reason for you to tell him what she really said," notes Dr. Sorensen. "These lies of omission are kinder than the truth."
When to go for the truth instead: If he actually did something inexcusable to your friend.
The lie: "No, I'm not throwing you a surprise birthday party."
The context: Enough said.
Something to think about…
Saturday, June 17, 2017
Wednesday, June 7, 2017
Better Marriage
11 Ways To Radically Accept Your Spouse, For A WAY Better Marriage
So worth the effort!
Marriage and change go hand-in-hand.
It's no wonder that traditional marital vows are literally all about how spouses need to support and accept one another, no matter what circumstances come their way.
Even if you don't change your last name or where you live, getting married is a major change!
And life changes, no matter how positive or welcome, still can rock your self-esteem and sense of confidence.
You may also start to notice things in your partner that you never had before.
As you continue to solidify and form a new identity with the one you love, hyper-critical thinking can set in. And that's where strain really takes hold of an otherwise happy, healthy marriage.
Believe it or not, all marriages, no matter how strong, or deeply connected, will experience strain when change happens.
THIS is why couples benefit so much when they introduce the concept of Radical Acceptance into their relationship.
If you're unfamiliar with the concept, you can get a great introduction to it in Andrea Miller's new book, Radical Acceptance: The Secret to Happy, Lasting Love. It offers a relatable, actionable five-step plan to help couples realize the long-term benefits to introducing more empathy and compassion into their marriage.
It's both a selfless and a selfish act, because the act of empathizing with your spouse ends up making it a lot easier to empathize with yourself too.
And the individuals who learn how to radically accept their spouse and grow together despite it all — they end up having longer, happier marriages.
On top of that, our YourTango Experts have some serious insights on how accepting your spouse can lead to a more fulfilling marriage.
Here are 11 ideas for how you can introduce radical acceptance into your relationship. It will be SO worth it.
1. The more you love yourself, the stronger your marriage will be.
“Unconditional love needs to be given ‘first to yourself’ before you can give it to your partner.
Self-love in a successful marriage is not a luxury, but a necessity. Loving yourself without judgment or condition is the cornerstone from which you build any serious long lasting, loving connection and relationship with someone else, certainly your partner in life.”
Danielle Sax is a coach, mentor, speaker and author who loves and lives her purpose and walks the talk. To discover more simple-but-powerful steps to activate conscious self-care and self-love and set healthy boundaries for yourself, visit Danielle’s website.
2. Understanding yourself can help you be more empathetic towards your spouse.
“Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are, and as we know even trying to change small things about ourselves is a huge challenge, so then why would one think that they can change something about their spouse?
Accepting the person you married is truly about not trying to change them. If you don’t like a behavior the only way to impact that is to change your response to that behavior because that will be a lot easier than thinking that you can change them.
Example: He never picks up his clothing, and I am left doing that, I have asked him so many times and he just won’t do it. Instead, you can try a different approach or a new response, but the same response over and over gets the same results over and over...
Accepting a person for who they are can also set you free because you then realize that you don’t have any control over them, just choices that you make about being with them.”
Dr. Dawn Michael is a certified clinical sexologist and relationship expert with a private practice in Thousand Oaks CA. She has been working with couples for 19 years. In addition to her practice she is an author, public speaker, and sex educator. You can find her at www.thehappyspouse.com as well as her YouTube channel.
3. Accept that people communicate love in different ways.
“To outrageously improve your marriage, accept and appreciate out loud that your partner shows his love by making sure all the light bulbs work, the bills are paid and the coffee is made (even if you’d really feel loved if he’d sit and talk with you).
Prioritize what’s important to her simply because it’s important to her (even if you feel she’s too anxious about being on time).
Accept that his initiating sex is his way of reaching out to connect (not because he just wants to satisfy his sexual appetite and is ignoring the emotional distance between the two of you).”
Deborah Fox, MSW is a couples therapist and Certified Sex Therapist helping couples reconnect and find their way back to a passionate relationship. Visit Deborah on her website, follow her blog on YourTango, or if you’re in the DC Metro area, call her at 202-363-1740 to discuss if she can be of help to you.
4. Remind yourself that you are different people who share the same marriage.
“Judgement sins, are like a knife. They ruin everything. Enhance romance, through melodic tones. Find a beautiful sonata with tones that describe endearing qualities your love possesses.
Frequent listening invokes remembrance, appreciation, and enjoyment of his or her goodness. At times, when one feels overwhelmed, irresistible attributes are forgotten.
Continuing in this pattern presents a difficulty. Admiration through soulful melodic vibrations augments the love frequency for those who believe that marital bliss is all about loving. The resulting acceptance changes the pattern, radically.”
Falena Magnussen is an author, religious advisor for young women and editor. Her books are available on Amazon.
5. Take time to self-reflect.
"If you are constantly asking yourself if you're with the right guy, then YOU are the wrong person for HIM.
That questioning means you are not fully stepping into the relationship.
And each of you deserves to have a partner who is all in."
Heidi Hartston, PhD is a psychologist in private practice in Oakland, CA. You can visit her website or watch her talks on YouTube.
6. If change must happen, remember you can only change yourself.
"The relentless struggle of trying to change your partner is surely likely to backfire. Despite all good intention, disapproval prevails, and leaves in its path the ruins of resentment".
Katherine Mazza, LMHC is a Couples Therapist in New York City. She is a Relationship Expert providing ongoing education and support for couples at The Relationship Place of NY. Visit her Facebook page and YourTango for articles and blog posts.
7. Find reasons to be thankful, and really mean it!
“Accept your spouse by showing more gratitude. Just take a minute right now to appreciate one thing they do in your life that you hate doing yourself.
Being grateful is one of the best ways to keep your loving going strong. But don't just think it, say it! Make sure your spouse knows he/she's got the best partner on the planet.
When the lust fades, show them gratitude for the rest of your days. When the lust fades, offer gratitude in heartfelt ways.”
Lori Peters is a writer, speaker and radio show host on happiness in relationships. Check out her website and make sure to sign up for her Happiness Quick reads at www.happinesshangout.net.
8. Cultivate your marriage by being a good friend to your spouse.
“Live every day with a renewed appreciation for him and your love for each other will deepen and strengthen.” “If you have a love–friendship instead of love-hate relationship, it is your friendship with each other that will smooth the rough spots when the love part hits a speed bump.
That’s when you can sit down as supportive friends and talk about what’s happening to the marriage, and how to make it right again.
Radical acceptance means loving him without borders or boundaries. There is no ‘but’ or ‘maybe’ or ‘if’; it means you include him into your heart because loving him is paramount to loving yourself.”
Margot Brown has helped couples and individuals create happier lives for 20 years. She’s the author of: “Kickstart Your Relationship Now! Move On or Move Out” You can find it on Amazon or in a local bookstore near you.
9. Enjoy the diversity you both bring to the marriage.
"Let go of the fantasy image of your spouse that you hold in your head. When you compare a real live human being to the perfect one in your mind, they will always come up lacking.
Instead, focus on having gratitude for the real person in your life — for the traits and quirks they have that you love, and also for the things you don't love and how these may be helping you to grow and mature.
Most of us hold within us an unrealistic ideal, and when this clashes with reality then we end up suffering. A happy marriage is one where you see your partner for who they truly are rather than as you wished they would be."
Mia Von Scha is a life coach who works with parents to steer them on their family adventure, guiding them through relationship, child raising and life challenges. Join the journey and get Mia's Top 5 Parenting Survival Tools free!
10. Allow room for growth, for both you and your partner.
“Marriage is a committed partnership in which we often expect our loved ones to change or evolve at the same pace we do.
Accepting our partners will undergo personal growth in their own time and in their own way requires true patience.
But is essential as it provides the unconditional love they require from us to be successful in their transition.”
Michelle Tajudeen is a certified Coach with the International Coaching Federation and Founder of MetaCC Incorporated. You can follow her blog on YourTango or learn more about her on her website.
11. Grow together.
“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems." —The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Acceptance of another person’s point of view is the beginning of respectful and effective communication. Acceptance does not necessarily mean agreement, however, saying “I hear you and understand what you are saying,” opens the door to being heard as well.
Once both legitimate perspectives are on the table, we can begin to resolve issues. Men and women have different ways of looking at things.
These perspectives, while not the same, can be compatible.
Radical acceptance clears the way for resolution, reduces defensiveness and allows a relationship to deepen and bloom, even during difficult periods of stress.”
So worth the effort!
Marriage and change go hand-in-hand.
It's no wonder that traditional marital vows are literally all about how spouses need to support and accept one another, no matter what circumstances come their way.
Even if you don't change your last name or where you live, getting married is a major change!
And life changes, no matter how positive or welcome, still can rock your self-esteem and sense of confidence.
You may also start to notice things in your partner that you never had before.
As you continue to solidify and form a new identity with the one you love, hyper-critical thinking can set in. And that's where strain really takes hold of an otherwise happy, healthy marriage.
Believe it or not, all marriages, no matter how strong, or deeply connected, will experience strain when change happens.
THIS is why couples benefit so much when they introduce the concept of Radical Acceptance into their relationship.
If you're unfamiliar with the concept, you can get a great introduction to it in Andrea Miller's new book, Radical Acceptance: The Secret to Happy, Lasting Love. It offers a relatable, actionable five-step plan to help couples realize the long-term benefits to introducing more empathy and compassion into their marriage.
It's both a selfless and a selfish act, because the act of empathizing with your spouse ends up making it a lot easier to empathize with yourself too.
And the individuals who learn how to radically accept their spouse and grow together despite it all — they end up having longer, happier marriages.
On top of that, our YourTango Experts have some serious insights on how accepting your spouse can lead to a more fulfilling marriage.
Here are 11 ideas for how you can introduce radical acceptance into your relationship. It will be SO worth it.
1. The more you love yourself, the stronger your marriage will be.
“Unconditional love needs to be given ‘first to yourself’ before you can give it to your partner.
Self-love in a successful marriage is not a luxury, but a necessity. Loving yourself without judgment or condition is the cornerstone from which you build any serious long lasting, loving connection and relationship with someone else, certainly your partner in life.”
Danielle Sax is a coach, mentor, speaker and author who loves and lives her purpose and walks the talk. To discover more simple-but-powerful steps to activate conscious self-care and self-love and set healthy boundaries for yourself, visit Danielle’s website.
2. Understanding yourself can help you be more empathetic towards your spouse.
“Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are, and as we know even trying to change small things about ourselves is a huge challenge, so then why would one think that they can change something about their spouse?
Accepting the person you married is truly about not trying to change them. If you don’t like a behavior the only way to impact that is to change your response to that behavior because that will be a lot easier than thinking that you can change them.
Example: He never picks up his clothing, and I am left doing that, I have asked him so many times and he just won’t do it. Instead, you can try a different approach or a new response, but the same response over and over gets the same results over and over...
Accepting a person for who they are can also set you free because you then realize that you don’t have any control over them, just choices that you make about being with them.”
Dr. Dawn Michael is a certified clinical sexologist and relationship expert with a private practice in Thousand Oaks CA. She has been working with couples for 19 years. In addition to her practice she is an author, public speaker, and sex educator. You can find her at www.thehappyspouse.com as well as her YouTube channel.
3. Accept that people communicate love in different ways.
“To outrageously improve your marriage, accept and appreciate out loud that your partner shows his love by making sure all the light bulbs work, the bills are paid and the coffee is made (even if you’d really feel loved if he’d sit and talk with you).
Prioritize what’s important to her simply because it’s important to her (even if you feel she’s too anxious about being on time).
Accept that his initiating sex is his way of reaching out to connect (not because he just wants to satisfy his sexual appetite and is ignoring the emotional distance between the two of you).”
Deborah Fox, MSW is a couples therapist and Certified Sex Therapist helping couples reconnect and find their way back to a passionate relationship. Visit Deborah on her website, follow her blog on YourTango, or if you’re in the DC Metro area, call her at 202-363-1740 to discuss if she can be of help to you.
4. Remind yourself that you are different people who share the same marriage.
“Judgement sins, are like a knife. They ruin everything. Enhance romance, through melodic tones. Find a beautiful sonata with tones that describe endearing qualities your love possesses.
Frequent listening invokes remembrance, appreciation, and enjoyment of his or her goodness. At times, when one feels overwhelmed, irresistible attributes are forgotten.
Continuing in this pattern presents a difficulty. Admiration through soulful melodic vibrations augments the love frequency for those who believe that marital bliss is all about loving. The resulting acceptance changes the pattern, radically.”
Falena Magnussen is an author, religious advisor for young women and editor. Her books are available on Amazon.
5. Take time to self-reflect.
"If you are constantly asking yourself if you're with the right guy, then YOU are the wrong person for HIM.
That questioning means you are not fully stepping into the relationship.
And each of you deserves to have a partner who is all in."
Heidi Hartston, PhD is a psychologist in private practice in Oakland, CA. You can visit her website or watch her talks on YouTube.
6. If change must happen, remember you can only change yourself.
"The relentless struggle of trying to change your partner is surely likely to backfire. Despite all good intention, disapproval prevails, and leaves in its path the ruins of resentment".
Katherine Mazza, LMHC is a Couples Therapist in New York City. She is a Relationship Expert providing ongoing education and support for couples at The Relationship Place of NY. Visit her Facebook page and YourTango for articles and blog posts.
7. Find reasons to be thankful, and really mean it!
“Accept your spouse by showing more gratitude. Just take a minute right now to appreciate one thing they do in your life that you hate doing yourself.
Being grateful is one of the best ways to keep your loving going strong. But don't just think it, say it! Make sure your spouse knows he/she's got the best partner on the planet.
When the lust fades, show them gratitude for the rest of your days. When the lust fades, offer gratitude in heartfelt ways.”
Lori Peters is a writer, speaker and radio show host on happiness in relationships. Check out her website and make sure to sign up for her Happiness Quick reads at www.happinesshangout.net.
8. Cultivate your marriage by being a good friend to your spouse.
“Live every day with a renewed appreciation for him and your love for each other will deepen and strengthen.” “If you have a love–friendship instead of love-hate relationship, it is your friendship with each other that will smooth the rough spots when the love part hits a speed bump.
That’s when you can sit down as supportive friends and talk about what’s happening to the marriage, and how to make it right again.
Radical acceptance means loving him without borders or boundaries. There is no ‘but’ or ‘maybe’ or ‘if’; it means you include him into your heart because loving him is paramount to loving yourself.”
Margot Brown has helped couples and individuals create happier lives for 20 years. She’s the author of: “Kickstart Your Relationship Now! Move On or Move Out” You can find it on Amazon or in a local bookstore near you.
9. Enjoy the diversity you both bring to the marriage.
"Let go of the fantasy image of your spouse that you hold in your head. When you compare a real live human being to the perfect one in your mind, they will always come up lacking.
Instead, focus on having gratitude for the real person in your life — for the traits and quirks they have that you love, and also for the things you don't love and how these may be helping you to grow and mature.
Most of us hold within us an unrealistic ideal, and when this clashes with reality then we end up suffering. A happy marriage is one where you see your partner for who they truly are rather than as you wished they would be."
Mia Von Scha is a life coach who works with parents to steer them on their family adventure, guiding them through relationship, child raising and life challenges. Join the journey and get Mia's Top 5 Parenting Survival Tools free!
10. Allow room for growth, for both you and your partner.
“Marriage is a committed partnership in which we often expect our loved ones to change or evolve at the same pace we do.
Accepting our partners will undergo personal growth in their own time and in their own way requires true patience.
But is essential as it provides the unconditional love they require from us to be successful in their transition.”
Michelle Tajudeen is a certified Coach with the International Coaching Federation and Founder of MetaCC Incorporated. You can follow her blog on YourTango or learn more about her on her website.
11. Grow together.
“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems." —The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Acceptance of another person’s point of view is the beginning of respectful and effective communication. Acceptance does not necessarily mean agreement, however, saying “I hear you and understand what you are saying,” opens the door to being heard as well.
Once both legitimate perspectives are on the table, we can begin to resolve issues. Men and women have different ways of looking at things.
These perspectives, while not the same, can be compatible.
Radical acceptance clears the way for resolution, reduces defensiveness and allows a relationship to deepen and bloom, even during difficult periods of stress.”
Courtesy of Your Tango
Saturday, May 13, 2017
To Be a Mom
You do not have to give birth or adopt in order to be a mom. If you have ever worried about, fussed at, and basically ‘mothered’ your friends, and/or other people’s children,, even if you have never raised a child, you ARE a mom. So, to all who are moms, moms to be, and moms of the heart, this is for you!
Wishing all moms, step moms, soon-to-be moms, surrogate moms, pet moms and mothers-in-love (an awesome term coined by Ana) a VERY HAPPY, ABSOLUTELY LOVELY AND LOVING MOTHER’S DAY!
Saturday, April 29, 2017
Ways to Tell Your Partner You Love Them
10 Ways to Tell Your Partner You Love Them (Without Saying a Word)
We tried to do this without using words. Alas, everything we tried did not seem to work, thus we shall do it with their aid – so you will not need them.
TELL YOUR PARTNER “I LOVE YOU” (WITHOUT A WORD) BY DOING ANY OF THESE THINGS…
1. COOK THEIR FAVOURITE MEAL
They do say that “the quickest way to a person’s heart is through their stomach,” such is the way we do not distinguish between sexes. Even if you are no Gordon Ramsey in the kitchen, just popping their favourite food in the microwave speaks volumes about how you see your honey bunny and where you are at as a couple.
2. MAKE SURE THAT THEIR CLOTHES ARE CLEAN
Unless your significant other is actually insignificant to you, you would want their clothes smelling fresh for the next time of use. Washing, drying, ironing, putting them back in the closet. Fellas, sometimes you need to pull your finger out in this department, too.
3. TURN ON THE OUTSIDE LIGHT (AND LEAVE A LOVE NOTE) IF YOUR OTHER HALF IS WORKING LATE
They don’t need to whip out their phone to know exactly where the door lock is if you show this simple gesture. It also illuminates the vicinity so they are not walking into complete darkness. How depressing is it to come home to that?
And the love note? They’ll be happy to read it (and have the light to do so)…
4. PUT FRESH TOWELS OUT FOR WHEN THE WORKING DAY/NIGHT IS DONE
This is very similar to #2. However, this time we do not usually use towels as clothes, unless you two are all alone! Nothing says “I Love You” quite like leaving clean towels ready for when they are needed the most.
5. DESIGNATE A DATE NIGHT
Making sure all other distractions are out of the way, including kids, pets, interfering in-laws, meddling mothers, and others. In fact, if you could get them all together so you two love birds can enjoy some “us” time, everyone wins! Having some quality time together, refreshes the relationship and allows you to do this not normally allowed when you are not alone.
6. WEAR THEIR FAVOURITE OUTFIT
We all love a woman/man in uniform. Her in a sexy nurse’s outfit, him in fireman’s garb. Let us get those pulses racing, the nurse’s bedside manner will see to that! The fireman will whip out his hose and put out all fires of desire, too! It is suddenly getting hot in here…
7. GIVE THEM AN UNEXPECTED HUG AND/OR KISS
Who does not love some unexpected sugar? This could be enough to make someone’s day, especially those hugs and kisses from behind. They do not only feel good, they are also good for our health. According to Dr. Mercola, a ten-second hug a day can “lower risk of heart disease, reduce stress, fight fatigue, boost your immune system, fight infections, ease depression.” Now imagine what kissing can do…
8. SEND THEM A SWEET TEXT MESSAGE
What exactly to send them, only you know. What we do know is that they will be absolutely made up about getting that message from you. Be as creative or as crazy as you like, they will be guaranteed to be smiling all day long and they might even send something back if they get the chance.
9. DO SOMETHING WITH THEM THAT THEY ENJOY
For him: Watch the game with him wearing his team’s colours. For her: Go to the ballet with her wearing a nice suit and Italian leather shoes. Of course, these are suggestions and can be changed to suit all tastes. If you go with them to do something they love, they will love you even more for it. It is a question of making the effort for your boo.10. BE SPONTANEOUS WITH THEM (IF YOU CAN)
Being spontaneous with your squeeze means you both can let your hair down and enjoy life. Taking that impromptu trip makes you love your life with them in it, a nice little road trip listening to your favourite songs and singing along to break the humdrum routine. At the end of it, you can laugh and say that you cannot believe you actually did that. We only get one life, so enjoy living a life you love with your favourite person with you.
Courtesy of Power of Positivity
Thoughts?
Wednesday, March 8, 2017
I Love Lucy
Just received the "I Love Lucy" theme song lyrics and thought they were sweet. Ricky sang this song to Lucy in one of the episodes.
There's a certain couple that I know.
They're strictly lovebirds,
A pair of turtle dove birds.
He's a guy who wants the world to know.
So ev'ry day
You'll hear him say
I Love Lucy and she loves me,
We're as happy as two can be,
sometimes we quarrel but then again
How we love making up again.
Lucy kisses like no one can,
She's my missus and I'm her man;
And life is heaven you see
Cause I Love Lucy
Yes I Love Lucy
and Lucy loves me.
Courtesy of: Lyrics On Demand
Saturday, February 25, 2017
Reset
How to reset your wife when she's falling apart…
You can find them in every grocery store, office, playground and drop off lane at the local elementary school.
The women who wipe their children's tears away, who selflessly serve day after day with little or no appreciation, who juggle working and parenting and sleepless nights and endless guilt, who love their husbands fiercely, who continually look after everyone's needs except their own. They are the women who quietly run the world.
And, if you're a woman reading this article, "they" probably means you.
I know the look in your eye. I know what it feels like to give everything and never feel like it's enough. I know what it feels like to wake up and wonder how you'll ever make it through the day. Please know that you are not alone.
To the husbands, we need you. We know that we can not walk the path of life alone. When we fall, we need you to catch us, and help us stand tall. We need you to wipe our tears away and hold us so tightly that it's almost difficult to breathe. We need you to comfort us when life becomes too hard to bear.
To the incredible men who love us, I know that it is hard to know what to do. I know that sometimes the right words are difficult to find. We want to help you help us. I asked women from all over the world to share their thoughts about how husbands can help their wives reset when they are stressed or overwhelmed. I hope these ideas are helpful to you:
1. Be aware of her responsibilities
Regardless of whether she stays at home or goes to work, do you know what she does all day? If you don't, ask her. Her to-do list is probably overflowing with tasks that far outweigh her time and energy. Be mindful of her needs and appreciative of her sacrifices.
2. Get involved BEFORE she burns out
The best time to begin helping your wife is now. Don't wait until she breaks down to offer a helping hand.
3. Be an active participant
It takes two to parent. It takes two to make a marriage work. It takes two to run a household. Be fully involved in every aspect of your family life. Work is hard, but your employment status doesn't give you permission to opt out of chores, disciplining and planning date nights.
4. Stop trying to fix her problems
Just listen. That's all you need to do. And if she wants you to offer solutions, she'll ask for them.
5. Hold her
Find something to keep your kids preoccupied, and then take your wife into your arms and tell her how much you love her. Hold her closely and let her cry into your shoulder. Comfort her the best way you know how.
6. Let her talk for as long as she needs
Sometimes the best way for a woman to reset is by getting all of her thoughts out. Let your wife talk through her feelings and problems. Show empathy. Listen carefully. Ask questions. Be fully engaged in the conversation.
7. Be a partner
Marriage is committing to share a life together. To carry one another's burdens. To cry with one another. To support one another through difficult times. Marriage means being one another's confidant, lover and friend. You aren't just two people living together. You are a beautiful union of two people who covenant to love each other forever.
8. Provide her hope
Encourage her. Let her know what you love about her. Help her see the good in any situation. Avoid being critical or negative. When she's hit rock bottom, be the man who lifts her up, and brings light and hope back into her life.
9. Be useful
Learn the art of looking around the house and finding things that need to get done. Are there dishes in the sink? Does the dog need to be walked? What is broken that needs to be fixed? Don't wait to be asked. Just do it!
10. Give her a day all to herself
Nothing feels better than getting a manicure, pedicure, hair cut, massage, and a new outfit. Let her sleep in, take a hot bath, and spend some quiet time alone. Support her and take over her day-to-day tasks, so she can have time to take care of herself.
11. Pray for her
Right before you go to bed, kneel down next to your bed together, hand in hand, and pray. Tell God how much you love your wife. Let him know what you appreciate about her. Ask for his help. Ask him to tell you how you can be a better spouse to her. Ask him to comfort her and help her see herself as He see her.
12. Ask her what you can do to help
Your wife knows what you can do to help her reset, so just ask her. She'll appreciate it more than you will ever know. Because, you know what? She loves you too, and she is grateful every day for what you do for her.
Courtesy of familyshare
What do you think of this list?
What would you add?
What would you ignore and/or delete?
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