Showing posts with label For Women Only. Show all posts
Showing posts with label For Women Only. Show all posts
Thursday, November 21, 2019
Tuesday, April 16, 2019
Tuesday, January 8, 2019
Monday, September 24, 2018
Tuesday, November 28, 2017
The Key
A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift.
The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The KEY," where a small key is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.
Of course, the woman wanted "The Key."
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the key, and the effects were wonderful…the woman remained young looking and vibrant..
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.
"All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the key and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the key won't get rid of them."
The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."
She said, "No point asking about the beard then…"
The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The KEY," where a small key is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.
Of course, the woman wanted "The Key."
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the key, and the effects were wonderful…the woman remained young looking and vibrant..
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.
"All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the key and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the key won't get rid of them."
The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."
She said, "No point asking about the beard then…"
Sunday, July 23, 2017
Thursday, March 30, 2017
Vagina Alarm Clock
Warning:
Make sure you have no liquid or food in your mouth prior to reading!
This Vagina Alarm Clock Helps You Wake Up With an Orgasm
We all have a bitter-sweet relationship with alarm clocks. While on one hand, we absolutely hate them for vilely breaking our peaceful morning sleep, we, on the other hand, also thank it for waking us up to face the everyday music. But here's the problem - alarm clocks often wake us up with a feeling of irritation, because of its annoying habit of disturbing our peace until we have woken up. So, the only solution which can be the best solution to this problem is to find a way that wakes us up without leaving us irritated at the same time. And that's where this crazy alarm clock steps in.
But fair warning: it's only for women.
Check it out!
Most of us hate alarm clocks!
While we need it for waking us up in time every morning...
We also hate it at the same time, as it often wakes us up feeling annoyed!
So, what's the solution to this?
Introducing, the alarm clock that'll wake you up with an orgasm!
Wondering how?
The love-vibrations!
The alarm clock is meant for only women, though...
It's called the Little Rooster, and is one heck of a sex toy!
What the Little Rooster promises
It promises to wake you up slowly, sensually, pleasurably, aroused and feeling confident! It has 27 ultra-quiet levels of intensity, and 3 mega-loud ones, for the deep sleepers.
Courtesy of wittyfeed
Monday, January 2, 2017
50 Things Every Woman Should Have By Age 50
1. An old boyfriend who makes you smile with melancholy when you remember him and an old boyfriend who makes you proud of how far you’ve come.
2. A piece of furniture that has never been previously owned by anyone in your family that you bought with your own money and makes you happy.
3. An outfit that makes you feel invincible if your future employer or man of your dreams calls to meet you in an hour.
4. A set of lingerie that you would not be ashamed to be seen wearing.
5. At least one scar on your heart where HE hurt you.
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age — and some money set aside to help fund it.
8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account — all of which nobody has access to but you.
9. A dream so big it scares you.
10. At least One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a pair of totally unpractical shoes.
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
13. The belief that you are worthy of treating yourself with respect.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, a push-up bra and a great pair of spankx
15. At least One recipe you cook well to impress the fussiest of guests
16. A place to go just to think… where you can be completely alone with your thoughts.
17. At least one child who looks to you for guidance and advice…even if he or she isn’t your own.
18. The knowledge on how to break-up with a man or confront a friend without losing your temper or your self respect.
19. At least one lover who knew exactly how to touch you to make your toes curl.
20. The memory of a kiss so powerful…just the thought of it could sustain you into old age.
21. The medical history that runs in your family so you can take care of YOU!
22. The ability to live on your own and not be dependent on anyone.
23. An outfit that feels like you are in a cocoon and safe from the world…its usually fleece or flannel
24. The ability to let go of the hurts from your childhood and embrace the fact that your parents did the best they could with the skills they had
25. One secret that makes you smile.
26. A memory that makes you cringe….because those memories were lessons that brought you to here
27. A journal full of your deepest thoughts
28. A person you can call at 4 in the morning because you’re in a bind
29. The knowledge of what you are willing to accept and what you are not in a relationship
30. Something you do that’s just for you and no one else.
31. A piece of jewelry that has sentimental meaning
32. An older woman in your life who embodies the traits you wanna develop in your old age.
33. A spirituality that feeds your spirit and nourishes your soul.
34. A soundtrack to your life that when you hear it on the radio you sing at the top of you lungs
35. Someone or something you LOVE with your whole heart
36. A to do list that never gets completely checked off
37. Enough money to run away in case you have to
38. A purpose to rise out of bed every morning
39. The ability to look in a mirror and love the ripples and bumps and wrinkles that stare back at you…because you earned them all over time.
40. The ability to say NO without having to add anything further.
41. A hobby that you can get lost in for hours.
42. A hole in your heart from losing someone you have loved deeply…
43. Done at least one thing kind for someone that has no way to ever repay your kindness…
44. A “Been there – Done that” T-shirt to starting over from scratch..whether it be from a divorce, a career change, a massive loss or surviving life’s curve ball.
45. A photo album full of memories..even if it’s on a flash drive or saved to the cloud.
46. A passport… Up to date and ready to be stamped for the next adventure.
47. At least one grey hair, wrinkle and saggy body part…. If you don’t.. Something’s wrong.
48. An accomplishment that’s all yours…outside of your children, not tied to your spouse…something you have done or created all on your own.
49. The knowledge of who you are as a woman. What makes you happy and what is no longer tolerated.
50. The understanding that 50 is not over the hill…its not even close to the hill…. There is no hill even on the horizon...cuz you still have shit to do...
*This was not written by Two Southern Sweeties. We would be happy to give credit to the original author if anyone knows who it is definitively.
2. A piece of furniture that has never been previously owned by anyone in your family that you bought with your own money and makes you happy.
3. An outfit that makes you feel invincible if your future employer or man of your dreams calls to meet you in an hour.
4. A set of lingerie that you would not be ashamed to be seen wearing.
5. At least one scar on your heart where HE hurt you.
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age — and some money set aside to help fund it.
8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account — all of which nobody has access to but you.
9. A dream so big it scares you.
10. At least One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a pair of totally unpractical shoes.
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
13. The belief that you are worthy of treating yourself with respect.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, a push-up bra and a great pair of spankx
15. At least One recipe you cook well to impress the fussiest of guests
16. A place to go just to think… where you can be completely alone with your thoughts.
17. At least one child who looks to you for guidance and advice…even if he or she isn’t your own.
18. The knowledge on how to break-up with a man or confront a friend without losing your temper or your self respect.
19. At least one lover who knew exactly how to touch you to make your toes curl.
20. The memory of a kiss so powerful…just the thought of it could sustain you into old age.
21. The medical history that runs in your family so you can take care of YOU!
22. The ability to live on your own and not be dependent on anyone.
23. An outfit that feels like you are in a cocoon and safe from the world…its usually fleece or flannel
24. The ability to let go of the hurts from your childhood and embrace the fact that your parents did the best they could with the skills they had
25. One secret that makes you smile.
26. A memory that makes you cringe….because those memories were lessons that brought you to here
27. A journal full of your deepest thoughts
28. A person you can call at 4 in the morning because you’re in a bind
29. The knowledge of what you are willing to accept and what you are not in a relationship
30. Something you do that’s just for you and no one else.
31. A piece of jewelry that has sentimental meaning
32. An older woman in your life who embodies the traits you wanna develop in your old age.
33. A spirituality that feeds your spirit and nourishes your soul.
34. A soundtrack to your life that when you hear it on the radio you sing at the top of you lungs
35. Someone or something you LOVE with your whole heart
36. A to do list that never gets completely checked off
37. Enough money to run away in case you have to
38. A purpose to rise out of bed every morning
39. The ability to look in a mirror and love the ripples and bumps and wrinkles that stare back at you…because you earned them all over time.
40. The ability to say NO without having to add anything further.
41. A hobby that you can get lost in for hours.
42. A hole in your heart from losing someone you have loved deeply…
43. Done at least one thing kind for someone that has no way to ever repay your kindness…
44. A “Been there – Done that” T-shirt to starting over from scratch..whether it be from a divorce, a career change, a massive loss or surviving life’s curve ball.
45. A photo album full of memories..even if it’s on a flash drive or saved to the cloud.
46. A passport… Up to date and ready to be stamped for the next adventure.
47. At least one grey hair, wrinkle and saggy body part…. If you don’t.. Something’s wrong.
48. An accomplishment that’s all yours…outside of your children, not tied to your spouse…something you have done or created all on your own.
49. The knowledge of who you are as a woman. What makes you happy and what is no longer tolerated.
50. The understanding that 50 is not over the hill…its not even close to the hill…. There is no hill even on the horizon...cuz you still have shit to do...
Courtesy of Two Southern Sweeties
*This was not written by Two Southern Sweeties. We would be happy to give credit to the original author if anyone knows who it is definitively.
Monday, December 26, 2016
Two Famous Women
Meredith's Jack, is at it again! 
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."
The angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly took off her top and said: "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said: "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."
Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?
"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."
The angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly took off her top and said: "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said: "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."
Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?
"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."
Saturday, October 8, 2016
Monday, October 3, 2016
Worst Car Wash
Meredith’s Jack over at New Twist, After All These Years sent an awesome goodie for all of us! Thank you Jack! 
As dirty as my car gets, there’s no way of counting how many times I would have to go back…no way would they get all the spots! 
As dirty as my car gets, there’s no way of counting how many times I would have to go back…no way would they get all the spots!
Friday, June 10, 2016
Women Can Relate
22 Sayings That Most Women Understand and Can Relate to Personally
Although men may appreciate this to a certain extent, this particular post is for all of the women out there. Admittedly, anyone with a sense of humor will “get it” but the sayings are certain to tickle the funnybone of women on a very personal level.
Some of the posts here may be true and others may not be as true. You might also find some that are stereotypical but all of them were meant to be funny and taken with a light heart. It doesn’t matter what your position is in life, if you are a woman, you are going to laugh at these pictures below.
Although men may appreciate this to a certain extent, this particular post is for all of the women out there. Admittedly, anyone with a sense of humor will “get it” but the sayings are certain to tickle the funnybone of women on a very personal level.
Some of the posts here may be true and others may not be as true. You might also find some that are stereotypical but all of them were meant to be funny and taken with a light heart. It doesn’t matter what your position is in life, if you are a woman, you are going to laugh at these pictures below.
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Via: Bored Panda
Courtesy of viralslot
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